aRe yOu aLiVe?

When most of us think of Frankenstein, we think of a big guy with a square head and pegs in his neck lumbering around with his arms in front of him. I bet most people have never read the book or even seen the 1930s original black and white movie in its entirety. Most of us just see Frankenstein as a character...a Halloween costume. Although, most everyone is familiar with the scene where the hand begins to move, and Dr. Frankenstein yells, "It's alive! It's alive!", I don't think most people remember how Frankenstein was brought to life. Dr. Frankenstein created a man made from bodies that he took from graves and he discovered and recreated a ray of light that he believed was "the great ray of light that first brought life into the world". One of the witnesses he brings to his lab is Dr. Waldman. He is skeptical, logical, and sane...unlike Dr. Frankenstein. As Dr Frankenstein is explaining how he will turn the ray onto the body and bring it to life, Dr. Waldman says, "...You really believe that you can bring life to the dead?" Dr. Frankenstein's responds, "That body is not dead. It has never lived. I created it. I made it with my own hands from the bodies I took from graves...from the gallows...anywhere."You may be wondering why on earth I am giving a short recap of how Frankenstein was brought to life. I'll tell you. I didn't have time to put my tennis shoes on before taking the kids to school, so I threw on flip flops. Instead of being able to drive straight to the gym afterwards, I had to come back by the house. I sat down on the chair at my desk in the bedroom to put on socks. It's been very sunny and warm over the past several days, but today it's overcast and it feels a little chilly to me. It's kind of dark in my room and I thought to myself, "I wish the sun were out. I'm cold and I don't feel very alive at this moment." This thought reminded me of the scene in Frankenstein that I described and it got me thinking about what it is that makes me feel alive.

There have been times in my life where I did not feel alive...times where no matter how many people surrounded me, I felt alone...and times where no matter how warm it was, I felt cold inside. Those times come and go for all of us I think, but it was especially that way for me when I was overweight and depressed. I feel like the old me died seven years ago when I started my journey and a new me was created. It wasn't just bringing a body back to life like Dr. Waldman suggested. It was more like Dr. Frankenstein. I had to rebuild a new me from many different parts...some that were mine only refurbished...and some from other people along the way.I think some people think that I am crazy at times. A lot do not understand. They stand back and wonder why I do the things I do...why I don't "act my age". What they don't realize is that even though I'm 41 years old, I've only been really living for a short time. Becoming strong has given me a sureness that I never had before. Changing my body has created a confidence that did not exist. Facing my fears has taught me courage and given me the ability to make lasting changes.

Even if you are not overweight...even if you have a great life...are you really living it to the fullest? Do you feel alive? Do you rely on other people to validate you? Do the clouds take away your happiness and warmth?

I realize now that I don't need the sun to feel alive. Everything I need is in me...all the time...every day. I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to push myself to the limit. I'm going to struggle and sweat. In the end, I will most likely end up lying on the floor, out of breath, looking lifeless...but I will be anything but lifeless. My hand will start to move and then I'll be up off the floor...glad that I did what it takes to keep me feeling alive. If you don't feel alive...if you're not really living...don't waste another moment! Make the changes you need to and start living...today.

~Marsha

...aTTiTuDe...

"The training we do is the consequence of an attitude. The attitude is the meaningful fundamental; without it no benefits may be realized. You must want (or need) to be where you are, doing what you are doing. If you can't pay attention or if you don't want to work hard, don't bother showing up to go through the motions. Nothing is gained by doing one thing with your body and another with your mind." ~Mark Twight

As I walked out of the movies by myself yesterday, I had two thoughts. My first thought was that I needed to get to the gym and workout before dinner. My second thought...the thought that prevailed...was that I had never felt so alone in my whole life. I thought about what a crazy world it is that a girl can have over 500 Facebook friends...some "virtual friends" and many "real life friends"...and have to go to a movie all alone. It's funny, because when I decided to go to the movie even though my sister didn't want to, I really felt okay with it. But as the movie went on, I felt myself sinking into a sadder and sadder place, which was bizarre being that I was in a movie that made me laugh many times.

My plan was to leave the movies and go straight to the gym. I had been busy with kids and orthodontists office all morning followed by lunch with my sister, so I never made it to the gym early. I was still determined to get a good workout in...just later in the day. I didn't walk out with my normal fast paced, determined walk. I ambled out...feeling invisible and tired...not the best way to get pumped up for an intense workout.I wish I could say that I sucked it up...that I had an epiphany and got to the gym and worked hard and felt better...but I'd be lying if I did. I ended up shopping...my drug of choice...and then decided to head home and cook...which is crazy...because I hate to cook and hardly ever do.

I keep a collection of quotes on one of my bathroom mirrors by Mark Twight...my workout hero. I thought about the quote above. I knew that I would not...could not...give what I needed to make a workout worthwhile for me, because in the simplest of terms...my attitude SUCKED. I was going to try and make my body do what my mind didn't want. I could've done "something"...but doing just "something"...isn't enough for me. I want to push my body and soul to their limits and I knew that wasn't happening and that I was not going to gain much by putting on a cute workout outfit and simply "going through the motions".Maybe I shouldn't admit these things. I've always felt like my "job" in life is to be perfect. I feel that my "job"...my purpose if you will...is to encourage and inspire. I know that being an example...practicing what you preach...is the best way to do this. I try not to be negative and certainly NEVER want anyone to feel sorry for me, so when I felt the desire to write this morning...I had NO clue what I could possibly say. I had nothin funny or inspirational in me.

My house is getting cleaned and I can hear the vacuum going outside my bedroom. It made me think of something that my Mom has said before. My Mom is a housekeeper and one thing she has always said, is that no matter whose house she cleans, she's found that people are the same/different. She always says that even though people have different amounts of money or hobbies or decorating styles, there are things that all people feel/experience/do similarly. So...while many of you that read this are much more disciplined and perhaps a little more emotionally stable than me may not benefit from my words...I'm writing this for those of us that struggle from time to time...those of us that let our hearts mess with our heads.Sometimes, life gets you down...people disappoint you...hearts get broken...things don't workout the way we want. Sometimes, we have the best of intentions at the beginning of the day and by the end...things have fallen apart. What I want to say, is this: it's okay. It's okay that I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. It's okay to have an off day. It's okay for me not to be perfect. What's NOT okay, is for me to wallow in the way I felt and skip the gym today and tomorrow and the next day. If you wanna fall apart...fall apart...then pick yourself up, put yourself back together, stop whining, and do what you need to do to fix your attitude. Change it from bad to good.

A good attitude doesn't mean you skip through fields of flowers giggling. A good attitude doesn't mean you are always happy. A good attitude means learning to use whatever you are feeling as inspiration rather than an excuse. Mark Twight says,

"A "good" attitude allows and spurs the athlete to conceive and achieve a goal. Such a psychological state does not have to be positive or balanced; personal torment has inspired great efforts. Confusion and questioning, anger and doubt may be fountains of creativity and initiative. What an individula finds dissatisfactory about him or herself is often a bridge to something greater. When combined with the self-discipline required to maintain momentum...any motivating state of mind can produce an astounding work of art and action."I didn't miraculously wake up this morning feeling like I don't have a problem in the world. The same crap that bothered me yesterday still bothers me at this very moment. It's what I'm doing with those feelings that is different. I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to use all the things that are bothering me to motivate me. I'm going to prove everyone wrong that ever thought I wasn't capable. I'm going to make anyone that ever called me ugly in junior high or fat after I had kids eat their words. But most of all, I am going to remind MYSELF that I am strong and that I can take on anything that life throws my way.

Today...my bad attitude is good.

~Marsha

...if yOu KeeP dOiN wHaT yOu'Ve aLwaYs dOnE..yOu'LL KeeP gEttiN wHaT yOu aLwaYs gOt...

I grew up in the south. I was born and raised in Texas. Now I know that TRUE southerners...people from Georgia lets just say for example's sake...will tell you that anything west of the Mississippi is NOT the south...it is the west or southwest. That's okay with me, because in all reality, Texas is like it's own little country...different than anyplace else. One thing about native Texans is that we love to make comparisons when we speak so there are lots of sayings that I heard my whole life...some are funny and some are just gross...but they all bring a smile to my face. Growing up, my Mom would ALWAYS say, "I'm as full as a tick." after she would eat too much. If we got cut, it was not uncommon to hear, "She's bleedin like a stuck pig!". There's so many more I could recite, but you get the picture.

One thing my mama has ALWAYS said to us is, "If you keep doing what you've always done...you'll keep gettin what you always got!" She always used this in reference to making the same bad choices over and over, but over the past week or so....this has been taking on a different meaning for me. I've thought to myself. "Maybe this is not always a bad thing..."

I was feeling frustrated with myself...lost...not as happy with my body as I have been in the past. At first, I felt sorry for myself and threw a pity party for one...but anyone who knows me, knows I don't like to be alone so that didn't last long. Next I tried to make excuses...like the always favorite, "Maybe I have a thyroid problem."...but finally...in the end, I decided to take responsibility.I decided that rather than try and figure out what it is that I've been doing wrong...I would think about what it is that I did right when I was happier with my body and then GO BACK to doing that. It seemed more positive to me. Instead of obsessing about taking things away or beating myself up, I would focus on the good...knowing that if I did it before, I could do it again. This morning, the 9am class at the gym asked if I was going to be doing the workout of the day with them today. I sd "No. I'm doing a workout out of my old book of workouts. I'm going back to doing things the way I use to do them so I can look like I use to look." and it made me think of my mama's saying...only this time...with a different twist.

Of course we have to change things up to keep progressing, but maybe what we need sometimes is to go back to the tried and true...to stop trying to complicate things and just get back to the basics. That's what I've done..and it's killin me...and I'm happier. For now...I'm going back to doin what I've always done, so I can get what I use to have! (Thanks Mom!)

Today's workout:

100 OH LUNGEs

100 MEDICINE BALL SLAMs

100 PUSHUPs

100 RING ROWs

100 OH LUNGEs

(followed by 30 min on the elliptical doing hills)

~Marsha

...tHiS oNe'S fOr tHe GiRLs...

I posted this on the "Strong Is The New Skinny" Facebook page, but I wanted to share it here too! We may not all be part of a team...or set world records...or have natural talent...or even have a trainer, but EVERYONE has an athlete hidden somewhere inside. Find what you love and be the best YOU can be at it. Find your inner athlete. Be strong.

"I am a female athlete. I have dreams. I have been told I was not good enough. I have faced discrimination...but I have overcome the odds. I am STRONG. I am focused. I never give up...and I will do anything to win. I am proud of who I am. So next time someone says "You play like a girl!"...consider it a compliment!"

~Marsha

...tiMe tO mAkE LiKe a tAmaGoTcHi aNd pUsH tHe "rEsEt" bUttOn...

My kids are all getting older. The days of diaper changes and Fisher Price toys are LONG gone. The days of going to story time at the local library EVERY Wednesday and wiping snotty noses are a distant memory. I have a huge walk in toy closet in my game room with so many toys that need to be donated...HUNDREDS of stuffed animals and lots of Barbies and Matchbox cars...toys that have not been touched in years. However, there is one little electric "toy" that still gets played with around here. In fact, I refereed a fight between an almost 15 year old and a 9 yr old this past Sunday over this toy...this ANNOYING, time consuming, beeping toy...the Tamagotchi.

My kids found some old Tamagotchis and replaced the batteries over Christmas break. I listen to endless jabber over how old they are and how much they weigh. I listen to Sydney give advice to Jake about what to feed his so it won't be obese. But mostly...what I hear...are BEEPS! When they need to eat, they beep. When they are sad, they beep. When they poop, they beep. When they are sick, they beep. Even when they die...THEY BEEP. I'm learning to tune it out, because unfortunately they are not getting bored with them. In fact, they are learning ways to keep them alive longer. They "pause" them because they use to die while they were at school. I use to wish they would die, but the problem is...when they die...all you have to do is push the "reset" button and out pops an egg...and a brand new chance to create a better Tamagotchi. No matter how many times you screw up...whether yours is fat or mean or eventually dies...you always have another chance as long as you have a battery.After I took kids to school this morning, I was walking through my living room in Pjs, an Under Armour jacket, and Uggs (I know...not a sexy visual). I was thinking about the things I want to change...things that I'm not happy with. I've been on autopilot for quite a while. I lost weight...I had a system...and I didn't really THINK much about what I did...I just did it. I've felt a bit lost which sounds dumb because this is what I do...but when it comes to yourself, it's different. As I got closer to my bedroom, I heard one of those stinkin Tamagotchis beep...not the hungry beep...the death beep...and I figured out EXACTLY what I need to do.

We all get stuck from time to time. We go through the motions and end up in a rut. We make mistakes and get off track. Sometimes we veer so far off track that we end up on a path we didn't intend to go down. It's natural to give up or make excuses. It's easy to sit around and wish we had done differently...or blame other people...or wish for an imaginary "reset" button for our lives. But here's the thing...it's NOT imaginary. We all have a reset button and just like that Tamagotchi...we can start over too. The Tamagotchi does not start over as a perfect "grown up". It goes back to the start as an egg and if you want a different outcome, you have to make different choices and press different buttons. You have to pay closer attention...even when it's inconvenient. It is the same with us.

I'm pushing the "reset" button. I need to start fresh. I don't need to tweak or try and find ways around what I know I need to do and I need to do it now...today. I dug through the mess of Victoria's Secret catalogs and pictures and magazines on my desk until I found it...my "pink book". It's the book that my friend Wes made for me as a gift when he moved away. It has 5 full months of workouts...6 days a week. It's been read and carried around and had drinks spilled on it and has notes written on it. I followed it religiously for a long time and then slowly I started doing things differently. I became a trainer myself and became more confident in my own ability to program for myself. I did really well for a long time, but I started to slip somewhere in the past year. I skipped workouts and made excuses. I was cocky and thought that I had it made. I remembered when I was training with Wes and I would get silly or lazy or "too big for my britches". He would always eventually "humble me". All it took was ONE HELLACIOUS HOUR and I would straighten out. He use to tell me that we needed to get back to the basics...back to old school, hard work...back to what works...nothing fancy. I could almost hear his voice saying that as I picked up that book, and so that is what I'm doing.Today, I'm starting over. I'm drinking more water and less Diet Root Beer. I'm eating less of the bad stuff and more of the good stuff. I'm holding myself accountable like I use to and I am going to do the workouts in that book...everyday...in order....whether I like them or not. There will be NO question as to what I will do each day...no guessing...no cherry picking workouts. I will treat my training like I use to...like a job that I can't call in and take a day off of. The "reset" button is pushed and I can't wait to see what happens!
~Marsha

...LiStEn uP!...

I'm not a middle of the road kinda gal. I take my time...worry...before I make a decision...but once I decide to do something...I grab the bull by the horns...all or nothing...full throttle. When I was fat...I ate to excess...I never worked out. Now...I tend to workout in excess. My addiction didn't go away...sometimes I think it morphed into something else.

I've learned to embrace pain. I know that pushing myself will making me stronger...in more ways than just physically...and so I push myself...hard...every day. I never slow down. Many times, I don't take the time I need to recover from the stress I put my body through daily. The part of me that is scared of gaining weight and going back to where I was when I was overweight and unhealthy, convinces the smart part of me that rest is for wimps. I know that rest (in the right amount) is for smart people that don't want to injure and over train their bodies, but it's still hard for me.I was feeling strong...but then I felt worn out...weak...and broken. Finally last week, my body got tired of me not listening and it quit on me. I tried to workout, but my body just wouldn't allow it. I felt really upset...betrayed...but I then it was brought to my attention that maybe I was the one betraying my body. Even though I'm not a gifted, natural athlete...I want to train like an athlete...but then I deprive my body of the rest and good foods and sleep my body needs to perform like an athlete. I don't listen to my body.When my body got tired and MADE me listen last week, I was upset. I had a little meltdown, wrote about it, and then made a smart decision. I decided to rest. I got much more sleep than normal over the weekend and I did not workout...AT ALL...for 3 days. What a difference 3 days made! This morning I hit the gym early for work sets of back squats, bench presses, and power cleans and it was hard...and painful at times...but I felt great because I FINALLY gave my body the time to recover that it has been screaming for.I hate that I had to go through what I did last week, but I guess I needed a wake up call. I needed to be reminded to take the time and listen to my body before it shuts down and I needed to recommit to taking better care of my body not just in the gym but in other ways as well.

~Marsha

...bEtRaYaL...

Everyone has felt the sting of betrayal...that miserable gnawing pain that makes you feel regret...and makes you wish you had chosen a better path or different people to be in your life. Some of us have experienced this more than others and some to worse degrees, but every adult at some point suffers betrayal...in some way. I feel like I've had more than my fair share lately and honestly, I'd really like a break. I'd like a break from thinking about and reliving the hurt. I'd like a break from the pain I feel in my body and in my heart. I'd like an end to the frustration and the feeling of powerlessness.

It is not a person that inspired me to share these feelings. It's the feeling I had today as I cried in the bathroom at the gym. It's the anger that accompanies the pain and the fear that it will never be better. It's me...my body...and my inability to make my body cooperate with my mind.

I'm not an athletically talented person. Nothing I've ever done in the gym comes easy...never has...probably never will...and that's okay. Some people are fast. Some people have great endurance. Some people are unusually strong or flexible or coordinated. I am none of those things, but I am stubborn and I work hard. I was taught to keep trying when I fail. My friend Wes taught me that...and I have missed him like crazy lately. I've missed his encouragement. I've missed his ability to help me change course when my day in the gym isn't going as planned. I miss how he would humble me when I was strong and cocky and how he would lift me up when I was broken or fragile. I miss him on days like today when I feel betrayed by my own body.

I learned years ago how powerful the mind is. I learned to make my body keep going when it was begging me to stop. I've learned to withstand pain and continue even when it seemed that reaching my goal was impossible. I am almost always able to conquer my body with my mind...but every now and then...my body wins...and I am left feeling betrayed and cheated.

I've had health problems over the past few months and as a consequence of medication and the inability to always do what I want physically, I've gained almost 10 pounds. Everyone around me says I look the same and reassures me, but I can tell the difference and it has been tearing me up inside. I try to be positive and only those people closest to me, know just how really bad I have felt and how discouraged I have been. The intense fear of going back to where I once was...the paranoia that I will wake up 200 lbs again is torturous. So, I've resorted to doing what I do best...killing myself in the gym. It's been hard, but even on the toughest days...I seem to get through. I push and I push and even if it's not as much weight or as fast as I'd like...I'm able to physically get through whatever I plan for myself.

I am many things, but one thing I'm not...is a quitter. Sometimes, I'm a "pauser". Sometimes I think about quitting...but in the end, I DON'T QUIT. Today I quit. My body refused to keep going when I told it to. With every painful repetition, I told myself I could finish...until finally my body just stopped. It quit listening and the pain became too much to bear. I found myself sitting on the floor of the bathroom, holding my belly, cramped up, and crying. I felt so disappointed. I felt cheated. I felt like I had been abandoned. I felt deceived. It felt like the betrayal of a friend that I have suffered lately. I hated it...but there is a difference. I can't make another person do right. I can't force an apology or go back in time. There's not a thing I can do to make that betrayal go away. What I can do, is wipe away my tears and pick my head up and know that even though I was not able to finish what I started today....even though my body betrayed me today...tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will march my stubborn butt right back in that gym and do it again...and tomorrow, my body won't let me down.

~Marsha

...tiS tHe sEaSoN tO bE LaZy...

Oh the holidays...it seems we spend all our time eating...buying...and partying. We make time for all these seemingly important things...but the things that REALLY matter...namely our health...gets put on the back burner. I use to never have a problem working out during the holidays. For years, I've had a personal trainer and I didn't have to think about it. I had an appointment...a set time and I showed up. Now..that I myself am a trainer and workout mostly alone, it's much more difficult. The past couple of weeks, I've gone through some serious friend drama, had some health issues, and I've struggled to get ready for Christmas but still take care of myself. I'm ashamed to say that today, Christmas is winning! The funny part is that I'm not even in the Christmas spirit. I've been a bit of a Scrooge all season. My formal tree is...has been up and fluffed for weeks but sits in the entry way...lightless...and ornamentless. It's the 14th and I'm not even 1/3 of my way through my shopping. Yet, I keep feeling like the holidays are keeping me from training and eating the way I want.

Today my entire day is full. I'm headed out to shop w my Mom ALL day in hopes of getting closer to being "done" and then I have my daughter's first band concert tonight. I shoulda already worked out...but I didn't schedule the time and now...once again...I'm regretful!

I am always getting appointments mixed up or showing up late or on the wrong day...it's all part of my "blonde-NESS". I remember I once called my husband to lament this when I missed an appointment and hadn't worked out and his response was..."Hey....guess what?...There's this really cool thing called a calendar! You should get one!" Poo! No sympathy there. Sometimes, I'm left with open time...and I have a million things to do, yet I feel lost. It sounds like a snide comment that my husband made, but really...it's true. He's very different than me. Together. On top of things. He brings things back down to earth when my head is floating in the clouds making excuses.

We all get upset at Christmas time and say we don't have time to work out. We behave as though it is out of our control and ACCEPT weight gain and losses in the gym. We rationalize and think up a million excuses when the solution is simple...a calendar. Get a calendar and make an appointment...everyday...with yourself in the gym. Keep the appointment just as you would a doctor's appointment or going to work. Make it a priority.Today was a fail in that department, so I guess I'll just "power walk" my way through Christmas shopping in heels and make the best choice I can when me and my Mom stop for lunch. I don't know quite how I'll do it, but I do know ONE THING...tomorrow...and every day after...I have to do better...and I will.

~Marsha

i wAnnA hAvE tHe hEaRt oF a LiOn...

I don't remember the man's name, but I still vividly remember the fight. My toes were curled...my hands balled into fists...oh, I was so tense! I use to tune in every week to watch what was one of my favorite shows at the time, "The Contender"...a boxing competition. I remember one specific episode, because one of the boxers that I really liked said something that spoke to me then and has stayed with me in the years that have passed. I remember watching on my bed...yelling...hoping...wishing...encouraging someone to win that doesn't know me...will never meet me...and can't hear me. "GET HIM! KNOCK HIM OUT!", I plead with my eyes glued to my TV screen. Then, the bell rang...it was over...the one I was cheering for lost. I knew it before the referee announced the decision. This man...this boxer...this warrior...lost the fight...but he was certainly not a "loser" in my eyes.

I love to watch boxing, but I hated that the fight didn't end in the way I wanted it to. I usually tend to cheer for the underdog...sometimes they pull through and surprise everyone with a win and other times they don't...either way...I express a lot of emotion. I'm either jumping up and down screaming, "YES!" or I'm ranting about how my fighter coulda won. This man I was cheering for, was in the worst physical shape of any of the boxers. It was obvious even just by first appearance. Amazingly, when he was called up to fight...to "tow the line"...he did so willingly...without any hesitation or fear. I wondered, "Is he brave...or stupid?". He was determined to give all he had and he did. He fought like a true warrior...as if it were the last fight he would ever have...as if his life depended on it. He was shorter and weaker, but he didn't just fight, he went to battle and gave it all he had. After the fight, one of his fellow "contenders" said to him, "Man, you have the heart of a lion! I'm proud of you. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of.".

Many times, when the losing boxer would return to the locker room to be interviewed, he was sad or frustrated or regretful. Sometimes, they would even cry...these big strong men...they cried...and they expressed regret. This man did not. He fought in a way that allowed him to hold his head high and make no excuses. When his children came in to see him, he sat them down and taught them. He didn't cry or ask their forgiveness. He told them that he gave it all he had, and he told them that in life they should always fight for what they want...that they should go after what they want with all they have. They didn't lament his loss or hang their heads...they were so proud of their dad...and rightfully so.

There was one comment this boxer made at the end that made me reflect upon my own defeats in life. He said, "If I had had one more round, I coulda had him." I think about the times when I lose...when things don't go according to plan...when life "knocks me out". How do I react? Do I stop or do I go ONE MORE round? My first instinct...my natural instinct...is to give up...feel bad...change direction...think of myself as a loser. That's the easy thing to do...but holding your head high no matter the outcome...because you know you gave it everything you have...that takes inner strength. I'm not there quite yet, but I'm trying to learn to have the "heart of a lion". I want to live my life in such a way that even when I am defeated, I can hold my head high with no regrets...knowing I fought...knowing that I gave it all I had and feeling good whether I win or lose.

I sat down to watch my favorite show that night a few years ago...to be entertained...but I learned something and gained a new resolve instead. I made a decision. I want to live as a warrior...with a brave heart...and an open mind. I want to live in such a way that even when I am defeated, others will say of me..."She has the heart of a lion."

~Marsha

...a fEw oF mY fAvoRiTe tHiNgS...

I love cute workout clothes, and I love feeling strong and tough in the gym. I love the feeling of keeping up with or even passing "the boys", but I especially love doing this WITHOUT looking like one of the boys! My good friend Arik, once turned to me in the gym when we were in there working out together and said, "You'd be better off wearing no makeup, big basketball shorts, and a loose t-shirt in here!" My response..."Why?...because it would make it easier on you to workout with me?!?" He rolled his eyes and I'm sure had some snappy comeback that I've sense blocked out and we both laughed. I love him to death, but I have never...and don't plan to ever take his suggestion as to what I wear in the gym. I like looking pretty...even in the gym.

There are piles and piles and piles of workout clothes in my closet. I'll admit that at times, it's hard to even find a certain pair of pants or a tank. It's like finding 20$ in your pocket that you didn't know was there when I come across one of my workout outfits that I love, but has been buried under other things. Some of my MOST FAVORITE workout clothes are from Otomix.I love their clothes because they are different and fun and sexy and feminine! I wear most of their stuff to workout in, but some I wear on days like today...when I wanna be comfy...but still cute! They are not cheap, but they send 20-30% off coupons constantly once you place an order and they have held up and washed great for me! Here's just a few of my favorite pieces from Otomix.

The Racy Sport pant

I have these in white and turquoise w the matching "Butterfly Cami" and I LOVE them. I also have the shorts version.

Racy Sport Pant cost...$89

Butterfly Cami cost...$49

Racy Sport Short cost...&39.88 (on clearance)

Feelin hot while suffering in the gym...PRICELESS!!!

Lycra Tops (different styles)>>

Rose Cami cost...$39

Wearing something to the gym that doesn't look just like what EVERYBODY else is wearing...PRICELESS!!!

Comfort Shorts and Pants

I have these in both pants and shorts in every color they make and they really ARE comfortable. Only prob is that I get stopped all the time to ask why there's an "arrow" on the back pointing at my butt! ha ha!

Comfort Pant cost...59$

Comfort Short...$32

Being comfortable while suffering in the gym and still looking good...PRICELESS!!!

Cotton Tanks (different styles)^^

Heart Tie-Dye Tank cost...$32

Tribal V-Cut Tank cost...$14.88 (on clearance)

Tribal Heart Tank cost...$14.44 (on clearance)

Going from the gym to the grocery store lookin cute...PRICELESS!

Rainbow Lycra Pant

I have these in pink and white and LOVE the fit! They come in a mid rise and a low rise.
Rainbow Lycra Pant cost...$44.88 (on clearance...get em before they are gone!)

Having people stop me and ask me how I got the body to wear these at 41...PRICELESS!!!

There's so many other things they sell that I could go on and on. I'm wearing my grey dragon comfort pant and the pink dragon thermal (below) today and I'm comfortable, but I don't look frumpy and can still turn a head or two. ;)

~Marsha

...ruNNinG aWaY fRoM mY pRobLeMs...

The broken up asphalt from a country road was under my feet and the sun was shining on my face. It was a warm November day...so warm in fact that my tank top was wet and I had to keep pushing my big sunglasses up on my nose because the sweat was making them slide down. Music was playing in my ears, but not my usual selection of rap or pop or loud angry rock music. That day the music was different. They call certain foods "comfort foods". If I had to describe what I was listening to, I'd say that this music was like "comfort food" for my soul...music that I've loved for a long, long time...music that is familiar...music that calms me and reminds me of good things.

My legs were sore and my right knee was aching from a tough workout earlier. I knew I had no business running...that I had done enough and needed to rest...but I couldn't stop. I NEEDED to run and I was not going to stop until it was time...until I felt better. I didn't know how long it would take and so I dug in and got into a quick but relaxed pace...trying to ignore the tears that fell from underneath my big black sunglasses. The tears were not because I was tired...or because of the dull ache in my knee. The tears were for other reasons...hurt feelings...disappointment...frustration.

This scenario is not uncommon. The background or the reason varies, but the way I tend to get through it does not. I run. I run away from my problems when they begin to overwhelm me. The music sort of fades into the background and I have conversations in my head. Sounds crazy...I know. Sometimes it's me talking myself through something...a regret...or a bad choice...or a heart ache. Sometimes it's me telling another person what I desperately need to tell them in my head, because I can't find the courage to do it to their face. Sometimes I try to think of possible solutions to my problem. Sometimes I just plain feel sorry for myself. The "conversation", weather, location, music, and subject matter may vary, but one thing never changes. No matter how tired I am or how much it hurts or how dark it gets, I run and I don't stop until I feel better...because I ALWAYS feel better at some point.

Some people say that you can't "run away from your problems", but I disagree. Running and crying and thinking helps me sort things out. It gives me a chance to fall apart without anyone else around. It's a chance to step back and look at things in a different way. It's a release. And sometimes it's a way to let go of things I can't change. It's like I get so tired that I decide I can't carry those things with me any more and I have to drop them on the side of the road in order to continue running and make it back home.

It may seem crazy, but it works for me. And it may seem weak, but I know how hard it really is. Sometimes running away from my problems is just what I need in order to face them head on when I get back home. So, as long as I have problems, I guess I'll have to keep running way from them.

~Marsha

...iT's HaRd tO mAkE iT LooK sO eAsY...

It's not easy to go into the gym day after day and give it your all. Working out hard hurts. No one likes to hurt, but some of us are willing to withstand some pain or discomfort in order to push ourselves to excel at whatever it is that we do in the gym. I see the contorted faces and I hear the grunts and groans of the people I train and workout alongside as they suffer through a particularly difficult workout.

This morning I came into the gym to train the 9AM group. Only two guys showed up. Sometimes when there are few people there, they will ask me to workout with them...because it creates a little competition. Because they are both experienced and there were no movements that they were unfamiliar with, I decided to join them. They were both facing me, so I could watch and stop to help if I needed to. After the warmup, the workout was:

25 Kettlebell Swings

25 Pushups

25 Squats

AMRAP (As Many Rounds As Possible) in 20 minutes

So I counted us down..."3...2...1...GO!", hit the stopwatch, cranked up the stereo, and grabbed a 44 lb KB. We struggled through and afterwards as we were sittin on the floor talking, Brad said, "That was good! Man, you did good! You kept me going. There were times I wanted to stop so bad...times I wanted to put my KB down...so bad...but I'd glance over and see you just swinging yours like it was nothin...and I knew I HAD to keep going!" I laughed and said, "Well, honestly...I was thinkin the same thing about YOU!" Then I told him how I love to look like it doesn't hurt a bit when I'm trying to beat someone in the gym...just to psych em out and make em think it's "easy" for me...but really...it's anything but easy!I was MISERABLE...in real pain. My grip was shot from swingin that 44 lb KB. I hate pushups, but insist (internally) that I always do as perfect of reps as possible...down til my chest and thighs are touching the ground and all the way up to locked out arms. I was out of breath and when I was tearing through those squats like it was a breeze, my quads were ON FIRE! I may have made it look easy, but it was anything BUT easy.So how is it that I kept going when it hurt so bad? Why didn't I just stop and take a break? I did it, because I knew that I could. I knew the pain would eventually subside and a feeling of accomplishment and pride would take it's place. It's hard to make something so painful look so easy, but if it pushes me and the people I train with to do a little more, or go a little further or longer...it's worth it. I feel certain that BOTH Brad and I did more than we would have if I had been weak and stopped. Don't stop when it's hard. Don't quit when it hurts. Fight your way through and make it look easy, because whether you do it fast or slow...or whether you whine or hang tough...the pain won't stop until you finish!

~Marsha

...wAiTiNg tO fAiL...

Why is it that a NASCAR race is so much more exciting once someone crashes? The Miss Universe pageant has never been so amusing as when Miss USA fell on stage and popped right back up. A hockey game sucks if no one throws a punch...and while we all agree it's sad...we glue ourselves to the screen during the Olympics to watch both great accomplishments, as well as, heartbreaking failures. If we miss one of those tragic events, we turn to the internet so that we can watch "the agony of defeat"...over and over and over again. Why is it human nature to love to see others fail?

We all want to be more...the best. We all want a better car...a bigger house...a more impressive job title...a skinnier waistline...more intelligent children. The desire varies depending on the person...but EVERYONE is always looking for more of something. We hate the people that we perceive are better than us or that have achieved what we want to achieve. We work hard and if we're lucky...we make it too...only to find out that it's not as great as we expected it to be.

It's not as great, because when we are succeeding...there's always someone hoping...watching...waiting for us to fail. People smile and congratulate you to your face, while privately they cut you down and secretly hope you will faiI. I feel that way sometimes. For years, my husband and I were so poor. We worked so hard and went without for so long. The hope of a better, more secure future is what kept us going when we didn't know how we were going to pay the bills or when we had to wear coats inside our house, because we couldn't afford to heat it. I dreamed of the day that I could have a nice purse or drive a nice car...the day that I could be proud to bring people to my home...the day that I didn't cry when it came time to pay the bills. After many years, lots of hard work and sacrifice, and thousands of dollars in student loans...we have achieved a lot of our goals. We are not millionaires, but we are more than comfortable...successful by most people's standards. There are many people that have more, but we have a lot and we appreciate it, because it was not easy to obtain.There are other successes, besides monetary successes that people resent as well...especially women. We women have to be the meanest, most competitive creatures to ever walk this earth. I know that there were people that were much more likely to approach me and like me when I was beat down and overweight. It was easy, because I was no threat...no competition. I made the person standing next to me look good. When I took control of my life and problems...lost weight...and gained a bit more confidence...everything changed. People stopped approaching me. I went from being invisible to being talked and whispered about. The sad part is...I'm still me. The inside is the same. I'm still nervous and insecure...I still struggle not to over eat...I still have the same worries as every other 40 something mom. I think that's one of the reasons that I'm so scared of gaining weight. I know that there are people that would revel in my failure, because then they could feel good about their own short comings and weaknesses. People don't always see the successes of others as simply a success to cheer for or congratulate, but as a personal failure...a reflection of what they, themselves, did NOT accomplish.

I have found myself actually being embarrassed at times...embarrassed when a fellow PTA board members husband complimented me instead of her...embarrassed when my children's friends come to the house and say, "Wow! You have a nice house! I wish I had this house!"...embarrassed to admit that I have a nanny even though I work a very part time job...embarrassed of the amount of shoes and purses and belts and clothes in mine AND my childrens' closets. Personally, I think that sometimes I am embarrassed and I fear success because I don't feel worthy. Failure is comfortable in some sick, twisted way...familiar. Maybe part of it is in my head...maybe it's me...the dark insecure parts of me...that are waiting for...fearing...expecting failure. It would be easier in some ways...but would I be happy...settling for less?As I sit and think about the dilemma between "having it all" and being hated for it or being just like anyone else and easy to like, I realize that while it hurts to know that there are people waiting for me to fail...people putting me down in whispers...I could never live with myself knowing that I didn't try to be the best I could be. I realize that deep down people don't really think of me as a jerk or think I'm bad, because if they did...they wouldn't be talking...they wouldn't be competing...they wouldn't care. So, yeah people might love to see other people fall...lose...fail, but personally, I would rather be Miss USA and fall onstage in front of millions, then be the fat girl eating popcorn and laughing from my chair at home. I'd rather be the Olympian that trips and loses the chance to win a medal...the one he has been working for his whole life...than the guy with a spare tire...sitting alone...watching it over and over on youtube. It hurts and it's hard, but I'd rather be the best version of myself, then wonder what could have been. So, I'll keep working while others sit and wait...for failure.

~Marsha

"mEaSuReMeNts aNd sTaTisTicS"

Sometimes I feel like I'm an actress playing a role written by other people. There are times when I feel as though much of what I do is for other people, even when I am doing things for myself. It's like people need me to be this person, and I need to make them happy. And they are...most of the time...except sometimes the very thing that people love...the very "personality" that they have created, becomes the thing they criticize. Sometimes, just when I get good at being what I think I am suppose to be...the standard changes and I feel like I can't measure up.

I truly blessed to be different. I am a complex, multi dimensional, sometimes contradictory person. At times, I feel special...like I am the sun amongst the stars. I feel like people can relate to me and I can speak to them in a way others cannot. I feel loved and appreciated but I'm not always sure that it is for the best parts of me. Many times it is for the parts of me that are the least important...the parts that can be seen on the outside...while the most amazing parts stay tucked away inside...hidden. They are not locked away. Anyone can see them, but only if you look closely...only if you are patient enough to peel back the layers to get past the initial "illusion"...the blonde hair and the boobs and the high heels and the funny stories and ditzy moments. These things are not an act. I do not pretend. These are all a PART of who I am...but there's so much more.

I was so struck when I saw the Nike ad above, because it so perfectly stated the way I have felt lately. There have been times when people have judged the "appearance" in a photo put on the "Strong is the new skinny" page on Facebook. There is talk that someone doesn't look strong enough or is too skinny or sometimes it's too sexy etc. There have been times when I have been judged for the words I choose or how I choose to portray myself. I'm smarter than I look, and I understand that if I am going to stick my neck out and open myself up, there is a chance that I will get my proverbial head chopped off. I accept that and I am okay with it, because if I can grow and learn from it and I can help other people evolve and TRULY change their way of thinking...it's worth a bruised ego every now and then.

I feel sorry for people that only see what I look like in a bikini or judge me based on a single word or description in a post I write. I feel sorry because the person that only focuses on the superficial structure, misses the strength of my foundation. Don't make that mistake. There is no one standard or measurement or statistic for strength or beauty. It comes in many different forms and takes on many different appearances. Look further and be better...to yourself and others. "...And if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by things she can control...by who she is and who she is trying to become..."

~Marsha

...mOvE yOuR bOOgiE bOdY...

I grunted. I screamed. I sweated. I cussed like a sailor the other day in the gym all alone as I did a workout that included lots of heavy-ish dead lifts with pushups and inverted rows in between. I was tired...hot...and pushed to the limit of what I could do. When I got done, I collapsed on the floor...lying there in my own sweat...thinking how exhausted I was. My lower back was tired and my legs felt shaky, but I was happy.


I've thought a lot about what I and many other strong women do in the gym on a daily basis. It's so different than it was back when I was in 10th grade gym class and I remember doing Jane Fonda. The "burn" I feel now...is much different! There's no comparison between what we do now and what women in Jazzercise classes in the 80s did! I don't dance in the gym...okay well once I lost my mind (normal) and started dancing and spun around the pole of the pullup bars as if I were Demi Moore in "Striptease". I thought I was all alone until a lady came in off the street to try and sell me something. She was surprised and I was embarrassed. I didn't buy her tamales and she left...quickly...looking back with an expression that said, "What just happened in there?!?". So while I may have been dancing in the gym, it was in no way my "workout" that day! My work in the gym does not include choreographed movements in unison with other girls to songs like "Move Your Boogie Body". My work consists of strength training and high intensity workouts. I'm all about chalk and barbells and pullups and dragging or flipping heavy tires...etc etc etc.


I have always said "There is more than one way to skin a cat." One form of training may be great for one person, while another responds better to something else so this is not a post to bash on Jazzercise. Obviously, I think what I do is amazing, but I am not one to say other people are wrong for choosing something different than me. However, I am so glad to live in a changing world where it is becoming more and more acceptable for women to be strong. I'm grateful for Crossfit videos that show women working hard...right alongside the boys. I'm grateful that I have so many choices available to me. Nobody loves to "move their boogie body" more than me. I just prefer to do it on the dance floor and not in the gym.




~Marsha