Monday, January 31, 2011

aRe yOu aLiVe?

When most of us think of Frankenstein, we think of a big guy with a square head and pegs in his neck lumbering around with his arms in front of him. I bet most people have never read the book or even seen the 1930s original black and white movie in its entirety. Most of us just see Frankenstein as a character...a Halloween costume. Although, most everyone is familiar with the scene where the hand begins to move, and Dr. Frankenstein yells, "It's alive! It's alive!", I don't think most people remember how Frankenstein was brought to life. Dr. Frankenstein created a man made from bodies that he took from graves and he discovered and recreated a ray of light that he believed was "the great ray of light that first brought life into the world". One of the witnesses he brings to his lab is Dr. Waldman. He is skeptical, logical, and sane...unlike Dr. Frankenstein. As Dr Frankenstein is explaining how he will turn the ray onto the body and bring it to life, Dr. Waldman says, "...You really believe that you can bring life to the dead?" Dr. Frankenstein's responds, "That body is not dead. It has never lived. I created it. I made it with my own hands from the bodies I took from graves...from the gallows...anywhere."You may be wondering why on earth I am giving a short recap of how Frankenstein was brought to life. I'll tell you. I didn't have time to put my tennis shoes on before taking the kids to school, so I threw on flip flops. Instead of being able to drive straight to the gym afterwards, I had to come back by the house. I sat down on the chair at my desk in the bedroom to put on socks. It's been very sunny and warm over the past several days, but today it's overcast and it feels a little chilly to me. It's kind of dark in my room and I thought to myself, "I wish the sun were out. I'm cold and I don't feel very alive at this moment." This thought reminded me of the scene in Frankenstein that I described and it got me thinking about what it is that makes me feel alive.

There have been times in my life where I did not feel alive...times where no matter how many people surrounded me, I felt alone...and times where no matter how warm it was, I felt cold inside. Those times come and go for all of us I think, but it was especially that way for me when I was overweight and depressed. I feel like the old me died seven years ago when I started my journey and a new me was created. It wasn't just bringing a body back to life like Dr. Waldman suggested. It was more like Dr. Frankenstein. I had to rebuild a new me from many different parts...some that were mine only refurbished...and some from other people along the way.I think some people think that I am crazy at times. A lot do not understand. They stand back and wonder why I do the things I do...why I don't "act my age". What they don't realize is that even though I'm 41 years old, I've only been really living for a short time. Becoming strong has given me a sureness that I never had before. Changing my body has created a confidence that did not exist. Facing my fears has taught me courage and given me the ability to make lasting changes.
Even if you are not overweight...even if you have a great life...are you really living it to the fullest? Do you feel alive? Do you rely on other people to validate you? Do the clouds take away your happiness and warmth?

I realize now that I don't need the sun to feel alive. Everything I need is in me...all the time...every day. I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to push myself to the limit. I'm going to struggle and sweat. In the end, I will most likely end up lying on the floor, out of breath, looking lifeless...but I will be anything but lifeless. My hand will start to move and then I'll be up off the floor...glad that I did what it takes to keep me feeling alive. If you don't feel alive...if you're not really living...don't waste another moment! Make the changes you need to and start


1 comment:

  1. You inspire me! Thank you so much for sharing your story. Strong women rock!