...aTTiTuDe...

"The training we do is the consequence of an attitude. The attitude is the meaningful fundamental; without it no benefits may be realized. You must want (or need) to be where you are, doing what you are doing. If you can't pay attention or if you don't want to work hard, don't bother showing up to go through the motions. Nothing is gained by doing one thing with your body and another with your mind." ~Mark Twight

As I walked out of the movies by myself yesterday, I had two thoughts. My first thought was that I needed to get to the gym and workout before dinner. My second thought...the thought that prevailed...was that I had never felt so alone in my whole life. I thought about what a crazy world it is that a girl can have over 500 Facebook friends...some "virtual friends" and many "real life friends"...and have to go to a movie all alone. It's funny, because when I decided to go to the movie even though my sister didn't want to, I really felt okay with it. But as the movie went on, I felt myself sinking into a sadder and sadder place, which was bizarre being that I was in a movie that made me laugh many times.

My plan was to leave the movies and go straight to the gym. I had been busy with kids and orthodontists office all morning followed by lunch with my sister, so I never made it to the gym early. I was still determined to get a good workout in...just later in the day. I didn't walk out with my normal fast paced, determined walk. I ambled out...feeling invisible and tired...not the best way to get pumped up for an intense workout.I wish I could say that I sucked it up...that I had an epiphany and got to the gym and worked hard and felt better...but I'd be lying if I did. I ended up shopping...my drug of choice...and then decided to head home and cook...which is crazy...because I hate to cook and hardly ever do.

I keep a collection of quotes on one of my bathroom mirrors by Mark Twight...my workout hero. I thought about the quote above. I knew that I would not...could not...give what I needed to make a workout worthwhile for me, because in the simplest of terms...my attitude SUCKED. I was going to try and make my body do what my mind didn't want. I could've done "something"...but doing just "something"...isn't enough for me. I want to push my body and soul to their limits and I knew that wasn't happening and that I was not going to gain much by putting on a cute workout outfit and simply "going through the motions".Maybe I shouldn't admit these things. I've always felt like my "job" in life is to be perfect. I feel that my "job"...my purpose if you will...is to encourage and inspire. I know that being an example...practicing what you preach...is the best way to do this. I try not to be negative and certainly NEVER want anyone to feel sorry for me, so when I felt the desire to write this morning...I had NO clue what I could possibly say. I had nothin funny or inspirational in me.

My house is getting cleaned and I can hear the vacuum going outside my bedroom. It made me think of something that my Mom has said before. My Mom is a housekeeper and one thing she has always said, is that no matter whose house she cleans, she's found that people are the same/different. She always says that even though people have different amounts of money or hobbies or decorating styles, there are things that all people feel/experience/do similarly. So...while many of you that read this are much more disciplined and perhaps a little more emotionally stable than me may not benefit from my words...I'm writing this for those of us that struggle from time to time...those of us that let our hearts mess with our heads.Sometimes, life gets you down...people disappoint you...hearts get broken...things don't workout the way we want. Sometimes, we have the best of intentions at the beginning of the day and by the end...things have fallen apart. What I want to say, is this: it's okay. It's okay that I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. It's okay to have an off day. It's okay for me not to be perfect. What's NOT okay, is for me to wallow in the way I felt and skip the gym today and tomorrow and the next day. If you wanna fall apart...fall apart...then pick yourself up, put yourself back together, stop whining, and do what you need to do to fix your attitude. Change it from bad to good.

A good attitude doesn't mean you skip through fields of flowers giggling. A good attitude doesn't mean you are always happy. A good attitude means learning to use whatever you are feeling as inspiration rather than an excuse. Mark Twight says,

"A "good" attitude allows and spurs the athlete to conceive and achieve a goal. Such a psychological state does not have to be positive or balanced; personal torment has inspired great efforts. Confusion and questioning, anger and doubt may be fountains of creativity and initiative. What an individula finds dissatisfactory about him or herself is often a bridge to something greater. When combined with the self-discipline required to maintain momentum...any motivating state of mind can produce an astounding work of art and action."I didn't miraculously wake up this morning feeling like I don't have a problem in the world. The same crap that bothered me yesterday still bothers me at this very moment. It's what I'm doing with those feelings that is different. I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to use all the things that are bothering me to motivate me. I'm going to prove everyone wrong that ever thought I wasn't capable. I'm going to make anyone that ever called me ugly in junior high or fat after I had kids eat their words. But most of all, I am going to remind MYSELF that I am strong and that I can take on anything that life throws my way.

Today...my bad attitude is good.

~Marsha