They say "it's lonely at the top". At times I think that's true. I certainly do not consider myself to be THE BEST at anything or feel as though I'm better than anyone else, but at times I feel alone; separated. I don't feel as though I separate myself though. I feel like people push me away or put me up on a pedestal or place me in a different category.
I first noticed it when I lost weight and was in the PTA. A lot of the women avoided me...and I had to hear from my neighbor how they were all talking about me. I saw the looks on their faces when I would say I couldn't work the Book Fair at 9AM because that's when I worked out with my trainer. I felt different...like an alien...and lots of times I was lonely. Sometimes people wanna question and judge me. I've been told in the past that I have a problem...that I workout too hard...too much...that it is wrong for me to take that time out to focus solely on me.When I complained about this to my friend David several months ago, he said, "Well, Marsha...it's lonely at the top." For a split second, I wondered if I have made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't treat my workouts like a job. Maybe I shouldn't try to constantly be better. Maybe it would be easier to be a little more like everyone else. As I said, that lasted a SPLIT SECOND!
I don't regret a thing. Actually, I take it back. I do regret one thing. I regret not doing it sooner. I know I'm not alone in this. I know there are many women that do Crossfit that feel the same way at times. People that are unhappy with themselves tend to look at the accomplishments of others as their own loss rather than someone else's gain. It probably doesn't help that I take away the excuses. People can't say "But, I'm over 40." because I am too. People can't say, "I'm busy." or "I eat out a lot." because I'm busy and I eat out almost every day. People can't say "I have had kids." or "I have bad genes." because I have 3 kids and come from a long line of people that struggle with their weight.
What I wanna say here is twofold. First, if you wanna change...CHANGE. If I can do it, ANYONE can do it. Don't look for excuses or feel like you are not good enough. Get up and start doing things different. If you want to be in shape, BEHAVE like a person that is in shape and soon you will become that. Second, if you have made changes and feel isolated or like people don't understand, don't let it slow you down or make you feel bad. You keep doing what you are doing to be fit and healthy. Don't become bitter and angry. Educate people. Make them like you. Sometimes for me, it has just been an issue of sticking around and giving people the chance to know me beyond what's on the outside.It may be lonely at the top and the climb may be difficult, but there is no where else I'd rather be than sitting on top of the mountain with a bird's eye view of the world at my feet!