I have three great kids. These days I have one in high school, one in middle school, and one with just one year of elementary school left. I love my kids and although I'm a little unorthodox at times...my desire has always been to be a good Mom and I think I am. I've visited the elementary schools many many times for awards ceremonies and holiday parties and spelling bees and lunches. Honestly, I'm glad that I am almost done with the elementary school scene. I have never really liked going up to the elementary school. I only go when I need to, because I never feel like I fit in with all the "PTA Mommies". I'm not knocking "PTA Mommies"...not at all! Some of my dear friends are the best pro PTA gals to ever have lived! Those ladies spend a ridiculous amount of time and give up chunks of their lives for ALL our kids, but I just can't seem to do it. I don't seem to be cut from the same mold. I don't think of myself as better...just different...and you know how us "girls" can be. Some are just plain mean. I never think a thing about how people are dressed...but every time I show up in workout clothes...you would not believe the stares I get...and no, it's not from a few Dads...it's mostly from the Moms. You would think I'm walking the halls in a thong and tube top rather than some workout pants and a tank. It sounds dramatic, but it really is unreal!As I woke up feeling a lil lazy and unmotivated today, I thought about something that happened several years ago. I remember that I was up at the school for my daughter's 4th grade awards ceremony...sporting workout clothes since I was headed to the gym afterwards. I did indeed workout afterwards and then had just enough time to leave the gym and grab some lunch to take up to the school at noon for the picnic that the kids with "outstanding behavior" get to have with their parents on awards day every six weeks.
I checked in at the office and said "Hello" to a woman that has a daughter that has been in my daughter's class a couple of years in a row. As we walked down the hall to find our kids, I caught her giving me the eye (up and down...up and down...up and down). And then I remember the short conversation word for word that followed as I was feeling really uncomfortable and wishing we'd hurry up and find our kids. She said, "You've been working out!' I smiled and nodded, "Uh huh.". Then she said it..."You're so lucky! I wish I had the energy to workout. You know, SOME OF US...just don't have all that EXTRA time and energy!" I stood there surprised...thinking "What the hell is she taking about?!? I'm exhausted and have been running NON STOP to be able to get a workout in in the midst of everything else I needed to do!". Before I could say anything out loud, Savanna ran up. You can only imagine my relief as we walked our separate way.
I checked in at the office and said "Hello" to a woman that has a daughter that has been in my daughter's class a couple of years in a row. As we walked down the hall to find our kids, I caught her giving me the eye (up and down...up and down...up and down). And then I remember the short conversation word for word that followed as I was feeling really uncomfortable and wishing we'd hurry up and find our kids. She said, "You've been working out!' I smiled and nodded, "Uh huh.". Then she said it..."You're so lucky! I wish I had the energy to workout. You know, SOME OF US...just don't have all that EXTRA time and energy!" I stood there surprised...thinking "What the hell is she taking about?!? I'm exhausted and have been running NON STOP to be able to get a workout in in the midst of everything else I needed to do!". Before I could say anything out loud, Savanna ran up. You can only imagine my relief as we walked our separate way.
I thought it then...and I still think it now. This woman was about my same age. She was not tiny, but she wasn't overweight either. So why do people think that I somehow have different "energy"??? I don't have anything special or different that she didn't or still doesn't have. Okay well maybe I have a few things. I have desire... commitment... and will. Still, it is amazing to me that people think like that...like they have no control...like it's somehow easy for me. It makes me sad that people forget how much control that they have. What a waste! I wish everyone could KNOW just how much potential and greatness lies inside us all. I want to make people aware that ANYONE can change...ANYONE can be fit and strong.
Greatness is different for different people and greatness does not come from how much weight you can lift or what sports you excelled in in school. Greatness begins in your mind...in believing that you can be better, happier, stronger. I want anyone that reads this to know that. Yes, you DO have to work hard and exercise willpower and control. Yes, you DO have to experience pain and conquer the fear of doing things that are hard or different. Thinking about lifting weight will not make you strong. You have to believe in yourself and be AWARE of your potential as well. I wish I would have had the desire and time to tell that lady these things that day as I quickly walked away. I'm not special...I'm aware. Be aware.
Marsha I think women judge themselves based on how others look. They're not looking at you so much as they're looking at themselves and thinking "why can't I look like that?". I think we're our own worst judges. As for time, people need to justify why they don't work out, that's okay, I don't think it's personal I think it's the woman's way of saying to herself that yes she could be as fit as you but she's not willing to put the effort in to do so. I used to be hurt when friends would ask why I spend time working out when I've got so much more on my plate than most. I eventually started saying "it's my one way to keep sane, if I didn't work out and get my frustrations out then I'd crack". That seemed to work for most.
ReplyDeleteJust keep doing what you're doing, you're an inspiration for a lot of us out here in the blogosphere.
Great post and I get what you mean....I have so many people say,"I don't know how you find the time, I'm just too busy or unmotivated" - my reply is,"I MAKE time for me, because I am important and my health is worth it" My husband and two girls understand (6 & 7 1/2), they see that my workouts are important to me and they support that (awesome little rugrats) I'm with you, I'm AWARE.~
ReplyDeleteThank you Natalie! I actually agree with that! I think it's human nature...it's hard not to see someone else's success as your own failure. I've learned in the past year that these kinds of times are opportunities to help someone, not excuses to feel hated. I still wish I would've given her advice rather than walking away shaking my head. Oh well, live and learn...that's why I share...so other people can learn from the things I've done right AND the things I've done wrong. It's all about improving. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome Nicole. I have ALWAYS said, that I am a BETTER, HAPPIER wife and Mom BECAUSE of the time I take out for myself in the gym! You can't give everything you have to the people you love if you have nothing to give!
ReplyDeleteWhat that lady was saying was rude as hell, but I agree with what Natalie was saying, that it was just really a reaction to her feeling bad about herself.
ReplyDeleteThe way I think, justifications and excuses are for the weak. Either something (like taking care of yourself, for example) is a priority in your life right now, or it isn't. And if it isn't, maybe there are great reasons for it. And if it isn't, OWN THAT.
It seems like the accepted public face has been that we're all supposed to be perfect effortlessly. I'm starting to see more people calling BS on that and saying no, you know what, I work my tail off for this, and I'm proud of that effort! I hope that happens more and more.
I love your blog - I've been reading it for a couple of months and I'm so glad I found it!
Thank you Sarah! I'm glad you found my blog and like it!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think a lot of this is because everything is photoshopped and everyone (even people with little money) gets plastic surgery. I'm not dogging surgery. That is personal and we all know I have boobs! My point is that we are becoming conditioned to believe that looking good is about an illusion or about BUYING it, rather than WORKING for it.
This is ONE of the reasons I do this. A lot of times, these reactions come from ignorance. I honestly think there are women that think they CANNOT look better without that! News flash! You CAN! Hard work is where the results are at! :)
I agree. I am nearing 30, 7 yrs happily married with with no kids (we're on the slow train to parenthood), and I work 50-60 hrs a week in a job I don't enjoy anymore (and I'm working furiously to change that). I manage to workout 4-5 times a week at home. I run, do yoga, and have some basic weights. Sometimes all I can muster after a 12 hr work day is a 20 min weight session with dumbbells before I eat some air popped popcorn and fall into bed. I don't do 2 hr weight sessions with a trainer or run double digit miles every day.....
ReplyDeleteAnd I get comments from coworkers along the lines of, "Hey, you're looking great, what's your secret?" And I explain that I eat pretty clean and do short, hard workouts. The usual reaction from females is along the lines of, "Sure, you don't have kids, so of course you have time to take care of yourself. Wait til you have kids!" Depending on the person involved, I may try to bring up that every woman needs to find time for herself-- if not every day, then every other day. And that I don't work out to look good, but that I work out and eat right to FEEL GOOD and strong and capable. Any hotness if just a bonus, in my opinion.
I agree. I am nearing 30, 7 yrs happily married with with no kids (we're on the slow train to parenthood), and I work 50-60 hrs a week in a job I don't enjoy anymore (and I'm working furiously to change that). I manage to workout 4-5 times a week at home. I run, do yoga, and have some basic weights. Sometimes all I can muster after a 12 hr work day is a 20 min weight session with dumbbells before I eat some air popped popcorn and fall into bed. I don't do 2 hr weight sessions with a trainer or run double digit miles every day.....
ReplyDeleteAnd I get comments from coworkers along the lines of, "Hey, you're looking great, what's your secret?" And I explain that I eat pretty clean and do short, hard workouts. The usual reaction from females is along the lines of, "Sure, you don't have kids, so of course you have time to take care of yourself. Wait til you have kids!" Depending on the person involved, I may try to bring up that every woman needs to find time for herself-- if not every day, then every other day. And that I don't work out to look good, but that I work out and eat right to FEEL GOOD and strong and capable. Any hotness if just a bonus, in my opinion.
"I work out and eat right to FEEL GOOD and strong and capable. Any hotness is just a bonus"...LOVE it Heather! I agree! Keep working hard! And you know what...you don't HAVE to workout 2 hours a day to look good! That's one of the reasons Crossfit is so great! Results and fitness without being in the gym ALL day! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's jealousy, plain and simple. She's using her children as an excuse not to take care of herself.
ReplyDeleteMy workouts are extreme these days, because I'm training for my first muay thai fight. I've had to sacrifice a lot, and it isn't always fun. A lot of people in my life do not understand why I'd want to do this, and the word "obsessed" has come up more than once.
I loved a quote one of my fight camp teammates used: Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.
I love your blog. I started Crossfit because I needed to get both physically and mentally. I really find your blog inspiring. I was the wimpiest girl in the world before I started Crossfit. My friends who knew me when I was was not into fitness still think that CF is something they can't do... which is crazy! I started my own blog a few months ago hoping to inspire friends of mine to try CF by memorializing my CJ journey...but I still get "I could never do that." My blog is http://thediaryofawimpycrossfitter.blogspot.com ... check it out. Crossfit is for anyone who is willing to challenge their minds and bodies.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work on your blog.
Thank you Julie!!! I agree with everything you said and I can't wait to check out your blog!
ReplyDeleteP.S. LOVE the name!...and those "other" books! ;)
Sing it sister, completely agree!
ReplyDeleteMarsha, I so look forward to your Blog posts! Thanks for keeping me going!
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome!!! Thank you for reading! :)
ReplyDelete