Wednesday, September 22, 2010

...dOn'T bE A sHaLLoW HaL...

Some days I wonder...where does the time go? I wake up every morning with the intention of working out early...and so many times, I let life...or the computer...or phone calls and texts get in the way. Then, it seems I have to do less than I want or I miss a workout altogether and I then torture myself all day over it and I start to see myself differently in the mirror.

Anyone that knows the real, private me well, knows how very hard I am on myself. I pick myself apart like no body's business. It's not okay. It's bad. At times, I'm such a basket case over my body that I wonder if I need to switch to yoga or silent meditation with monks. I'm like Shallow Hal, only instead of seeing everyone as beautiful...I see MYSELF in reverse. I see beauty as ugliness and I see fit as fat. Not good! I SO need to chill...I know that..and see/treat myself the way I see and treat others.

A while back, I was really down on myself and a friend told me that I needed to adapt a new mantra that didn't start with "I suck" or "I'm fat"...and so I did. As narcissistic as I seem and can be at really WAS hard for me to write the words...but I did...and for a while I read them to myself every morning when I was all my closet. I've kinda been slipping and stopped doing that for some time now. I have decided today that I need to get re focused and start seeing the good again. So I got out my old "mantra" and read it aloud. Here it is...
"I am beautiful. My a** looks hot in my tight jeans and spandex workout pants. When I wear a shirt with words and people stare at my chest...they are not always reading...and they are smiling. When I wear legs look long and sexy. When I walk by, people stop and stare...not because I look ugly...because I look good. I am beautiful.

I am strong. When I compete in the gym, I do well...sometimes...I even "beat the boys". When I demonstrate movements in the gym, I can make them look easy...even when they are not. When I do a difficult movement or lift a heavy weight, others are impressed. I have a body that most women would want and I should be proud. I am strong."
So, there you have it. I'm a little embarrassed to post this...but I promised to be honest with matter what...even if people judge...and while I'll admit that it is a bit superficial...this is where I struggle. I know WHO I AM on the inside. It's the outside I have a hard time with, and so I'm gonna start reading this mantra again every day.

You may wonder how on earth I can struggle this way while trying to inspire women to take care of their bodies and embrace strength rather than struggling to be skinny. I'll tell you how I can do it...I can do it, because I've lived it and still do in some form on some days. I've felt the pressure to be skinny...and lemme tell you...I'm NOT "naturally skinny". I struggle to buy jeans that fit both my small waist as well as the quads my back squats have built. I took diet pills and ate lettuce as a teenager. I've also been overweight and struggle with the fear of returning there. I've seen this from every direction and that is why I am so passionate about this. I want the women that wear my tanktops and shirts to believe the words written on the chest..."Strong is the new skinny". I want you to look in the mirror and see what I see...a beautiful strong woman that is making progress each day in the gym.

I have decided that EVERYONE should have a if you don't...take a minute today and write one. It doesn't have to be the same as mine. It can be anything you want as long as it builds you up. You can share it with the rest of us like I did...or you can keep it private...but read it...outloud to yourself...and don't stop reading it until you believe it in the depths of your soul. Don't be Shallow Hal...see things...see yourself as you really are...beautiful and strong.



  1. Love, love, love this!!!!! You are so awesome and inspiring. I have ordered a shirt and can't wait to wear it with pride! I am a fitness instructor and trainer and deal with the same negative self-talk as you do (although none of my clients would know it!

  2. This is an awesome post!! Thank you for reminding me how beautiful I am!!

  3. I think everyone struggles with self image from time to time. I know I do.
    Thanks for starting all this. I really think it's great.
    Now I just have to order a tank top and hope it fits. :)

  4. You know I love you, Marsha. And yes, you are hard on yourself. And YES, you are smokin' hot and have earned every bit of that. And no, I'm not hitting on you. ;) <3 Thanks for the inspiration, Lovely.

  5. Great post! I had a client (I'm a personal trainer) live with me for a month and she had a HORRIBLE image of herself- and she was a beautiful, fit, woman who was 49! She looked better than lots of gals 1/2 her age and she had arms I'd kill for- but she never saw it! We started using "NEXT!" whenever we heard each other bad mouth ourselves in any way- and it really worked!

  6. CONFIDENCE is the key to it all! Love your mantra!! I might not have the flattest tummy, the best skin, an ass bigger then most, but I LOVE ME. That confidence carries in every single thing you do. Whenever I doubt myself i think of my daughters - would i want them to feel anything less than beautiful? HELL NO! So instead of worry about what others will think of me (and I cried recently at some pics of myself!!) i remember, i worked hard, I eat clean and this is how *I* am supposed to look - not anyone else =) Keep rockin it mama! You have great energy and a fantastic perspective!!


  7. Love this post. Thank you.
    I use index cards that I write inspiring words on and read them everyday.
    It is amazing how some things I wrote come true over time.
    Words are powerful, choose and speak them wisely.

  8. I love the Shallow Hal analogy.....

    it's so true, we are much too hard on ourselves but that same attitude and driving force make us exceed and surpass the rest.


  9. I think this post is a contradiction. All the chat about how I look in my jeans and how I look on the outside is "shallow." Sure it's great to take care of your self physically, but what really matters and makes you strong is what's on the inside. Fix the inside, and the outside doesn't matter as much anymore.

  10. I can see how you would think that...and that's ok. I put my self out there and I value honest opinions. I did say that the first part was superficial and I'm honest about that and I willingly own it. I was referring more to the way "Shallow Hal" saw people differently than they really are rather than posting something about not being "shallow" in general. And I agree completely that what is on the inside is what's most important. That truly is where real strength comes from! :)