Wednesday, December 14, 2011

...DiFFiCuLty aNd oPPoRtuNitiEs...

"In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity." ~Albert Einstein

Many times we avoid things that are difficult. We want to avoid the pain and hard work...not realizing the good that can come from it! I often think about my personal journey and the changes I made. I don't think I could've been ANY sadder than I was during that time in my life. I remember how far I had to fall, before I was able to try and get back up.

I was always "together". I've NEVER been one to skip showers or go around without makeup...even when my kids were babies. I got to the point where I was so depressed that I wasn't taking showers and I cried all the time. I would come home from dropping kids off at school and preschool and sob sitting in my car in the garage. To say that I was in the "midst of difficulty" feels like an understatement, but those were definitely difficult times.

I remember the night my husband came home from work and as usual...the kids were going crazy and there was no dinner. I was crying and I asked him to come talk to me. I told him that I needed help. And just to be clear...I don't ask for this was strange. I told him i felt I needed to see a doctor but that I was too distracted and fragile to even make an appointment. He agreed to make the appointment for me, and that first visit was one I will never forget. I felt like a prisoner...ready and wanting to escape the minute anyone turned their head. When the doctor asked me what was wrong, I started to sob uncontrollably. He wrote furiously on my chart. He prescribed me an anti depressant, which helped in some ways, and made things worse in others.

I never told anyone but close family that I had to take medication. I was so embarrassed about it and was afraid that people would judge me, but I feel like other people need to know that it is okay to seek help in whatever form you need and there is no need to feel ashamed. The initial medication took me from crying all the sitting in a stupor...only to gain even more weight. I needed some immediate help, so it was okay for a short time, but I had to eventually have the medication switched and then shortly thereafter was when I was out from under the fog of depression and I could start to make decisions that would change me and the course of my life forever.

I will not get into the exact details of the steps I took today, but I started slow...with one small goal at a time. I started at 200 lbs and so my goal was to get in the 190s. When I hit the 190s, my goal was to get in the 180s. I took baby steps and I'll be wasn't all sunshine and roses. I did it on my own. I had no trainer or anyone to motivate me or give me advice. I had to figure it out as I went along. In the beginning I didn't lose weight quickly and I felt discouraged at times...but all I could think was that even if I wasn't losing...I was no longer gaining and so I continued my program. Eventually...because I stuck with it...I saw great success.

It was a long hard year of high highs and low lows. I have thought about it at times I wondered why...why I didn't do something when I was only 20 lbs overweight...why I waited until it was so difficult. Contrary to what people may think...I do not regret the way things happened. I NEEDED to be miserable and it NEEDED to be difficult in order for me to truly dig in and embrace the journey. In the midst of my difficulty, I saw opportunity and I grabbed it and held on to it. I would not be the person I am today or have made such strides if things had not happened the way they did and so I am grateful for those difficulties.

"Rock bottom" or difficulties...whatever you wanna call different for each person. Some people may not have to get to the level I was at to be uncomfortable enough to change, but here's the point I want to make: Those low, difficult times...the times that I felt like I was looking at a stranger in the mirror...the times I could see no happy future...the times I could hardly stand to carry my child up the stairs...the times I was treated badly in stores...were a blessing of sorts because they allowed me to gain a desire for change which lead me to seize the opportunity.

Do not feel as though it is impossible to change. Whether you have 100 lbs to lose or 10 lbs to can do it. Whether you work, or have children, or bad genetics, or anything else in your life that make it hard to get started...doesn't matter. The time to grasp the opportunity is NOW. I will never tell you it will be easy. It's not, but it IS possible to change regardless of your situation. You'll look back later and be grateful for the journey if you do and you will feel proud when you look in the mirror and know that YOU did the work and YOU made a change for the better. Look at the difficulties in your life as a catalyst for change. Find the opportunity waiting for you and make a change.


  1. Awesome post!! You are so inspiring :) It can be so easy to use our circumstances as an excuse not to change. Thanks for the reminder that anyone can change their own life...and the reminder that it's worth it!!

  2. Miss Marsha,
    You have brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your inner soul with us. In doing so, you have helped me, a lot.

    I understand everything you are saying. When my weight went over 200, I was shocked. Even in my weight lifting days, it topped at 194. The wild weight gain ride over the past ten years ended at 275 and almost killed me a few times. And finally after ten years, I am fitting into clothes that had shrank in the closet for several years. :D My face is beginning to look like me instead of The Great Pumpkin. I mean, really.

    Thank you again for your the great Lift you give me in my life.
    It just dawned on me that your breasts, if I might be so bold as to comment thereon, are just nicely sized. I only make this comment because you have blogged about them.

    As breasts go, yours are really not that large. They are just larger than the ones on the small minded women who make dumb comments to you.

    Clearly their self esteem is wrapped up in extraneous concerns.

    I dated a few girls when I was young; ok, quite a few. It was fun. Their breasts varied from volleyball size to A's. I loved them all; was in awe of each one of them. It wasn't their size, it was their sweet beauty that was so good. And after my wife (former wife now) had our two children, her physically devastated body was still awe inspiring and our love was hotter than ever, because we were closer than ever.

    A wise man once said to a woman who had had to have a breast removed and was sensitive about that, "Why little darling, I only have one mouth to kiss your breast with! We match up just fine!" He was one of the meanest, roughest rascal cowboys I have ever met. But I have always remembered what he said to her and have tried to have a generous heart as he exemplified.

    Well, I hope everyone can take those words in the spirit of kindness with which they were said. I'm going back to sleep for a while. I hope I don't regret this comment. :D

  3. Thank you for this post! I am exactly where you were at your most difficult. i keep making excuses in my head as to why i don't go to crossfit. I need to get my health back.

  4. this is truly awesome. I too have left my old "self" behind by keeping off over 75lbs. But, it stopped there. I don't know why, and I'm still trying to figure it out. I am strong, I have endurance, and I am medically extremely healthy, except I am still overweight. I'm happy with my life, but I am not happy with my weight number. But, there are things I still refuse to give up. I'm stubborn and I haven't hit that low low where it's all or nothing because I am happy. I have goals, I can't reach them but I am happy. It's kind of strange. But it doesn't stop me from working out, hard everyday and making good food choices most of the time. I would love to wear a bikini on our boat and feel good and not feel obligated to cover up when we stop on the beach or have friends with us. Reading your posts does keep me motivated though! And very hopeful :)

  5. Thanks for sharing your story. I get inspiration from your journey and you reaching your fitness goals. I recently lost 65 lbs. and have about 30 to go and feeling good. The hard part now is dealing with deeper issues I'm trying to change about myself and really looking at my life, my dysfunctional marriage and what to do about creating a happy, authentic life. Not, just continuing on and accepting this is a good as it gets. I deserve more. Thanks for your posts. I often copy your motivational sayings to keep me inspired. Thank you! Patty

  6. Hi Marsha,
    I hope it's ok to leave you a note here in the comments, as I could not find a way to contact you via your website or on the Facebook page. Like the others here, I loved your most recent post, as well as all the others!! I found your blog via another blog and was wowed once I landed here. I'm hoping to chat with you about joining FitFluential as an Ambassador. You have such an inspiring story, and I know that our growing family would benefit from learning about you and from you. If you could, email me at kellyolexa at gmail dot com, and I can share more with you. In the mean time, keep up the GREAT work here. So inspiring!
    Kelly Olexa,
    CEO, Founder
    FitFluential LLC