Wednesday, November 9, 2011

...sAcRiFiCe...

Sometimes, I'll workout with the guys in the 6 AM class. Today, I have a lot to do, so I thought it would be great to get my workout done for the day...early. The workout was short and simple.
Row 300M
20 Push Press
Row 300 M
15 Push Press
Row 300 M
10 Push Press
Row 300 M
5 Push Press
I felt tired and weak even doing the warm up...usually NOT a good sign. I struggled through with the encouragement of the boys and when I was done, I rested. I was lying on the floor...gasping for air. My legs and my shoulders were aching and I was so glad to be done with the workout...for a moment. In just seconds, I went from feeling relief to feeling sorrow and disappointment.

I got up from the floor and made my way through the dark back room to the bathroom. The minute I locked the door, the tears began to fall and I buried my face in my arms so that if anyone came back to the bathroom, they wouldn't hear me crying. That only lasted for a couple of minutes, because I knew if I was gone long...someone would come looking for me and I didn't want anyone to see me like that. I splashed some cold water on my face and dried it off, put on a smile, and went back out to the gym to finish class.

I'm not the strongest girl around, but I can generally hold my own. I have done WAY worse workouts then this one and twenty 75 lb Push Presses in a row should NOT have been that hard!!! From the moment I cleaned the bar off the ground...it felt SO HEAVY! And from that moment on, I let the shock of that initial feeling take over. I struggled to get through every rep of that workout and when I say struggle...I'm not exaggerating! I'm talking flat out grunting and groaning and fighting for every rep. I wanted to quit, but I knew I couldn't. How could I drop the bar and give up when I spend my days telling people NOT to do that. What kind of an example would I be to the people in the gym that I push to do more?

For the few minutes that the tears were falling in the bathroom, thoughts and questions raced through my mind. "What has become of me?" "Why do I feel so weak?" "Maybe I have no place telling other people what to do." "If people saw me this morning, would they disregard EVERYTHING I've ever said?!?" I didn't really have the time to ponder these things at the time, but in the quiet hour since I dropped kids off at school...I've tried to sort these things out.

I could give a million excuses...some very valid, but I realize that nothing is going to change if I do that. I also realize that because there really are some things in my life affecting me, I have to accept myself where I'm at rather than constantly thinking and talking about they way I used to be! I think the problem that I am having is common to many of us. We only want to do things that we LIKE to do in order to change. I don't have a problem going in to the gym and working hard. That is NOT where my problem lies. I KNOW where and what the the problems are and I KNOW how to improve, but the problem is that I don't WANT to do things that are uncomfortable or hard for me. There are things I know I need to get rid of that I hang on to. I'd rather start going to the gym and spend 3 hours a day working out, than change my diet or get more sleep or go out less. There is no easy way. If there were, EVERYONE would be in shape and look great. And while desire and hard work are key ingredients...it takes sacrifice.

I always say that people do what they WANT to do. Our lives are not the way they are by accident. Whether good or bad, we got where we are through a series of choices, so I need to decide what I really want and think about what it takes to get there. Then...I need to STOP thinking and wishing and wanting...and start making some sacrifices! There will always be hard days in the gym, but there will be a lot less if I change...not in small, easy ways, but in the ways that count!

20 comments:

  1. And sometimes, weights feeling too heavy even during warm up, tiredness and the like are signs our bodies give us saying: "you will not perform optimally."

    There is *no* shame in listening to your body when it says that.

    There is a difference between pushing through a lack of motivation vs. real signals our body tells us. And athletes learn to tell the difference.

    That you wept tells me you're not listening to your body AND mind when it's clearly giving you a message.

    Forgive yourself for being human and not being able to work out at 150% every time you hit a piece of iron. Tomorrow is another day.

    Once you master this, you'll continue on your path. Failing to master it, you will destroy your mental peace and physical ability.

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  2. What an inspiration, I love the positive, kick butt attitude! Keep up the great work.

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  3. Having a bad day doesn't make you weak it makes you human. Admitting you still have those kinds of days actually makes you even more of an inspiration to those of us just starting out. One bad day does not define who you are. What defines you is having the gumption to get back out there and trying it again and again and again.

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  4. wow!! Thats all I have to say, Thank you so much for sharing that, I think we all have these moments, and I know myself Ive been having alot more of them lately, moving to a new country, new job, new routine, new everything!!

    Thanks for helping me feel 'normal'!! :-)

    xx

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  5. Thanks for being honest and sharing. Needed to hear this today. Short workout on the schedule tonight and I have been debating on a run ( my goat) afterwards. After reading this I think I need to run.

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  6. thanks for keeping it real.that is refreshing!

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  7. I have a son that wants to be on a hockey team. But he doesn't want to do the work needed at practice to make the team. You have to do the work, like it or not. Harder to do when you don't like it, but it still needs to get done.

    You can DO it.

    Cat

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  8. I've had times when I've cried after a CrossFit wod for various reasons. Sometimes I felt weak from what I felt was a poor performance. The main thing I have found is finding the strength to get back up and move forward because everyone falls at some point, but not everyone gets back up and moves forward! You are strong and beautiful Marsha inside and out. Keep working hard and getting back up when you fall.

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  9. The question that I always ask myself before I go into gym is: "Are you looking forward to working out?" Such a simple question and answer speaks volume about the state of my body and psychological attitude.

    If I find myself constantly saying 'NO!', I need to take a break from CrossFit. There is no shame in resting the body and mind. CrossFit is supposed to be fun and hard. I listed fun first since that's my emphasis in my life. Have fun!

    Good luck.

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  10. I too have shed some tears during a work out. It was when I had some seriously stressful events take place in my life. I had been "strong" up until that day and a stupid little work out broke me. I remember the same feeling. The weight was SO heavy! I had the weight of the world resting on my shoulders as well, and after that little cry, I felt MUCH better. Sometimes we NEED these things to happen to remind us that we are human and we aren't always able to carry the weight of the world. Sometimes we just have to let it go. Tomorrow is a new day :)

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  11. Thank you for your honesty,refreshing to know that someone else out there feels the same. We are not machines, smashing out the reps like the terminator.

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  12. I agree with the others. Every session is not a record. Consistency makes records. Keep inspiring.

    Mark

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  13. It sounds to me like you are being too hard on yourself. Everyone has days like this! Especially us females with our ever-changing hormones. I agree with the above posts about listening to your body and mind. Maybe you've been training too hard and too long without a break. Maybe it's time for a recovery week. Whatever it is, don't feel bad about one bad day. You are not weak, just human.

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  14. I read this and thought..i've been there. But yet we look ahead and focus on the next workout. The end about making sacrifices is the stage i'm at right now as well. Sounded like we were sharing a brain. I'm so glad I found this site. You are very inspirational and keep it real. Thank you!!!

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  15. "Crying is not a sign that you are weak...it is a sign that you have been strong for too long."
    A quote I always like to tell my child, so he knows it's not a sign of weakness. Just a sign that he's human. We all need to at some point and it is an outlet, a way to decompress.
    Feel it, acknowledge it, then let it go & move on. Well done, MC.

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  16. I loved this!! I feel this way so many times-- I know what I have to do to get what I want, but I don't want to. I was watching TV yesterday and I heard someone on the TV show say something that really hit me: Nothing changes when you're comfortable...Definitely using this to keep me motivated!

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  17. Marsha do you ship T-shirts to Iceland?

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  18. Marsha, Congratulations on a beautiful blog site. I found this post of yours just two days after I launched my own blog site with an article that is the exact flip-side of what you share here.

    I wonder if you'd find it valid:
    http://www.neosavageblog.com/2011/11/to-win-fast-and-easy-begin-well/

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  19. Great post! So much truth! Thank you for a kick in the butt to step outside the comfort zone once again as that is where results are achieved!

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  20. I needed to read this today. Thank you for it!

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