Tuesday, August 23, 2011

...cuTTiNg oFF LiMbS...

A few years after I moved into my house, I decided that I wanted to plant more trees. I only had 2, so I added 3 more. I chose specific trees for specific spots for specific reasons. At first, each of my new trees had stakes with wires that wrapped around the trunk. I didn't like the way it looked but I knew that it was important in order for them to grow straight and be protected when storms or high winds came. Soon, it was time to remove the support system. My trees were big enough to stand alone.

After a couple of years, I was excited to see that my trees began to grow...so much so that they needed trimming. My brother, that doubles as my handyman, explained how you know what branches to cut off. Any branches that were too low or growing down or even small branches growing inward, needed to be trimmed off because they were taking "energy" away from the healthy branches and doing nothing to help the tree become bigger and stronger. It's important to not wait too long because as long as there are branches that need trimming still there...they are taking energy and nutrients away from the branches that are good. And if you never trim the tree, it will never become as big or strong or beautiful as it COULD have been.

Back in February, I did something I thought I would never do...something I thought I would never need to do. I started seeing a therapist. My marriage was a mess and demons from the past were haunting me. I felt like I needed someone to talk to that didn't know me and wouldn't judge me. I still remember the first day sitting in a strange room...on an old ugly couch...looking at a stranger...as I wept uncontrollably and tried to tell her all the things that have hurt me or that are bothering me...in an hour. I am a control freak. I like to have control because there were times as a child when I had all my power taken from me...times when I should've been protected but I wasn't...feelings I felt that were not feelings I should have been feeling at that age. And so I try to have as much control now as I can, even though it doesn't change the past. I like to do things how I want to do them...when I want to do them. I like to always look just right and stay composed when I can. I felt so out of control...so ugly...so damaged. This was completely out of my comfort zone, but there was something strangely comforting at the same time about just getting it all out...telling all my secrets...admitting my shame...letting myself be vulnerable.

After I purged myself of all the things that were bothering me...I quickly began to try and regain control by telling the therapist what exactly I was doing to make changes and try to correct these problems. I told her how hard it was/is and how disappointed and upset some people were with me. I told her that I felt alone and scared. Finally, when I let her speak, she looked at me surprisingly unfazed and said,
"You have been hurt badly. You have held it in and made the choice to never use these things as an excuse to protect everyone else and keep a sense of pride. No one would ever believe the things that you have suffered because you have covered them up so well. Now, you have chosen to correct this by cutting off the things and people that cause you pain. The problem is that you are like a tree that hasn't ever been pruned. Instead of getting rid of these things as they came, you waited and let them continue to grow. You had so many limbs to cut off that you now feel very bare and very alone."

This made perfect sense. I had let things grow that should have been cut off sooner and made some huge changes in my life. It wasn't until the secret pain became unbearable that I finally did something about it...and I did it all at once. It has been scary to make these decisions and hard to deal with the consequences that have followed, but every day is a little better. New branches are growing where old, unhealthy ones were and the people that love me are learning to accept my changes and love me unconditionally.

So, you probably wonder what this has to do with anyone other than me. It's a warning if you will. Don't let unhealthy "branches" grow on your "tree" because it seems too hard to get rid of them. Take the things out of your life that weigh you down or keep you from reaching your true potential. Don't have friends that don't accept your commitment to eat and live healthy. Don't surround yourself with jealous people that want to drag you down. Avoid unhealthy relationships that cause you to doubt your worth and rob you of your goals. And when you do need to cut off branches, be brave. Value yourself enough to put in the work it takes to be your best. Don't be afraid of feeling alone at times or vulnerable, because in time you will be glad you made the changes. Finally, don't be too proud to ask for help. When trees have large branches that break or need to be removed, sometimes it takes a professional because the job is too big to do on your own. Rely on the people that care about you to help you make changes.

Just as it takes pruning to help a tree grow tall and strong, it takes making uncomfortable changes in our own lives to become the person we are meant to be. After the struggle...because of the work it takes to get there...in the end...we will become stronger than we ever thought possible.

18 comments:

  1. I truly appreciate the message you send with your blog and the SINS products. I bought a bag, and can't tell you how many possitive comments I get on it.

    Just yesterday, as I was walking to work in downtown Chicago a woman comes up to me and says, "That's a great message on your bag. I really needed to see that today".

    Thanks for putting yourself out there and sharing your life with all of us, it's a lovely thing. :)

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  2. Thank you for sharing this. I have tears too. And branches that need trimmed... some that like you have needed to be trimmed since childhood. Thank you for sharing your strength with me. You have no idea how much your posts have motivated me since I found and started following them.

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  3. this is one of the best posts I have ever read! I too went thru the same process a few years ago. In the end, it's a feeling akin to freedom.

    steph h
    livefitandsore.com

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  4. Great post, marsha! Not only do we need to to keep our physical bodies strong and healthy but our mental and spiritual bodies as well. Thanks for sharing!

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  5. Thanks for sharing! This is an encouraging post!!!

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  6. Thank you for sharing. It is all very true!!!

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  7. Amazing post! Thank you so much for sharing... A few years ago, I "cut" some of my branches and it was scary and amazing all in one. I am ready to "cut" some more of my branches. I have just idenified some of the branches that need to be chopped off and this post is perfect timing for it! Thank you so much for putting yourself out there for all of us to learn.

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  8. I really needed to read this today. Struggling with a lot of bad branches in my world right now. Trimming is hard, but I can do it! Thank you so much for sharing!

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  9. All I can say is "wow".....I needed this and know how hard it was to share this information. In the end, all we have is ourselves and the better we make ourselves, the more rewarding and genuine our relationships will be.
    We go around once and if we do it right, once is enough. : )

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  10. Thanks for sharing this . . . it's really affirming for me, as I've done a lot of 'pruning' myself in the past few years. SINS is really helping me keep my eye on the prize . . . that is being strong and healthy, inside and out. Keep up the awesome work, girl . . . you are definitely not alone :)

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  11. Thank you! I needed to read this today especially. It is hard to be strong and some days the branches are twice as thick. You are wonderful for sharing this with us and for us.
    _
    Angel

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  12. Oh Marsha, so beautifully written. We all have damage and struggles from our past...your post hit home on so many levels for me. Thank you for sharing. Being open & vulnerable allows us to be open to growth and change...it allows progress!
    Xoxo
    Leslie

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  13. Thank you, Marsha! This is a wonderful post. I've been working hard on pruning over the last couple of years, and while there's still a lot to do - I don't think it ever stops, does it? - this hit me hard. It's a wonderful metaphor.

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  14. SO well said Marsha! There's a total stigma related to therapy but you said it perfectly with "When trees have large branches that break or need to be removed, sometimes it takes a professional because the job is too big to do on your own." Awesome!

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  15. That was really beautiful. Thank you for being willing to be open so that others may benefit. And good for you for being brave enough to make those changes that needed to be made. :)

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  16. So glad you decided to post. Amazing message and I am sure it is very relatable to others as I know it is to me.

    xoxo

    Renae

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  17. WOW. All I can say is thank you so much for the outpouring of love and support. I feel so blessed to have helped create and be surrounded by this community of amazing people! <3

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  18. Great post. It's so hard to prune our lives. We get attached to every branch, even if down the road it will cause trouble.

    It's that same hesitation that holds us back from letting go of old habits that keep us from getting stronger/faster/better.

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