...sToP iT!...

Sometimes the best advice is simple advice.  People look to therapists and books and friends for great revelations to problems that we know the answers to deep down inside ourselves.  I experienced this recently after I had breakfast with my friend, Wes.  He started out as my personal trainer 5 or 6 years ago (I can't even remember how long it's been now), but ended up my dear friend.  We met to discuss our training, but it ended with me telling him about some situations in my life that have really been weighing me down.  He listened as he always does even when I know it must sound ridiculous.  He tried to interject here and there, but he mostly listened.

We finished and moved out to the parking lot where we continued to talk (at least I did).  I said, "I don't know what to do!  I don't know how to get out of this situation that frustrates me and makes me so unhappy!"  Wes said, "Yes.  You do."  I never skipped a beat and continued with a list of excuses and rationalizations.  I noticed that he was writing something down on the notepad he had.  He turned it over and showed it to me.  It said "STOP IT!"  Then, he tore it off and gave it to me.

We said our goodbyes and I drove home.  I kept thinking about his advice.  What kind of advice is that?!?  STOP IT???  It's so much more complicated than that.  The funny thing about me and Wes is that I really like to be right, and many times he and I agree but when we don't...try as I might to prove him wrong...he ALWAYS ends up being right.  I tried to think of every reason why that advice would not work, but in the end, once again he was right.

All the excuses I had for why I couldn't "STOP IT!" were invalid.  The only reason I can't stop is because I've been refusing to stop.  And I've been refusing to stop...because as much as I say I don't like it...I don't WANT to stop or I would.  It made me think about other situations in my life and I realized that this simple advice was all I needed.  If something is not working in my life, if I'm doing things that are making me happy, or allowing people to treat me in ways that I don't like...I need to stop it.  I need to say "No."  I need to walk away or limit my exposure to people or places or things that do not ADD to the value of my life.  I am in control of me and I choose what I do.

If you have situations similar to mine in your life where you know things are not right, take the focus off others and take an honest look at YOURSELF.  If you are seeing no results from the work you do in the gym after a reasonable period of time, STOP what you are doing and do something different.  If you are around people that bring you down or make you feel drained and sad, STOP it and walk away.  If you are not losing weight, look at what you are eating and how often you are working out.  STOP eating crap or doing the same thing you've done and expecting different results!  As you face situations in life...whether it's the need to lose weight, or the desire for happier, healthier relationships, or the goal of getting stronger...deep down, you know what to do.  If you are unhappy, you are on the wrong track.  You have to sit and evaluate WHY you are doing (or not doing) what you know you should to be happier, healthier, and stronger.  Changing our lives and becoming happier and stronger is not as complicated as we make it out to be.  STOP doing the wrong things and start doing the right things.  It really IS that simple.

...sUpERmOm...

(This is from an original blogpost that I wrote a while back that seemed appropriate today!)

Wouldn't you like to be faster than a speeding bullet?...more powerful than a locomotive?...able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Sounds pretty good to me!  What about the ability to cling to walls?...or to have super human speed, agility, and strength? These things would certainly come in handy most days at my house. I can think of many times in my life where being able to stretch my body into different shapes and lengths, or being able to become invisible, or to fly would've been incredibly helpful. I can't do these things because I am just a human. I am mortal. I walk on the ground. I can be hurt, and one day I will die. I don't possess any of the characteristics of Superman, Spiderman, Mr. Fantastic, The Invisible Woman or any other of a long list of super heroes. I guess that makes me regular...nothing special...nothing super.

Everyone loves super heroes. Men want to be them, and women want to date them. They give us a glimpse of greatness...of what it would be like to be better than everyone else...to make a difference in the world. They make us feel safe and give us hope for a better tomorrow. When Lois Lane falls, Superman is always there to catch her. When she is in trouble, he saves her from the bad guys.

My kids always need a band aid to make them feel better when they're hurt...or think they are. We go through band aids like you wouldn't believe in my house. Whether it's a scratch or a cut...bleeding or barely noticable...a band aid is ALWAYS a neccessity. The only thing that can calm their cries or heal their hurts faster, is a kiss...my kiss. As a Mom, my kisses can dry tears and soothe pain. It's like magic. I started thinking about this one night as I held my daughter in my arms and kissed her stubbed toe. Yes, I really did kiss her toe with my lips. Her crying got quieter until it went away, and soon she was back up and running around. She still had a tear sitting on her cheek, but she had a smile on her face and her toe, the one that was ruined for ever, was working just fine again..free from pain. For a moment in time, I held a super power of sorts...the power to heal...to quiet...to calm. I made her feel safe, just like Lois Lane feels when Superman cradles her in his arms and places her feet carefully back on the ground.

When one makes a list of super heroes, there are certain men that come to mind first. I always think of Superman, Spiderman, and Batman. Those are my top three. Until, I started to think about what powers they each possess, I had never realized that while Superman and Spiderman have numerous and specific superpowers, Batman does not. Batman fought crime and saved people just like the other guys, but he did not use special, super human powers. He made use of what he had. He used his wealth and his intelligence...his love of technology, his detective skills, and his physical abilities to accomplish many of the same things his fellow super heroes did.

This leads me to the thought, that in our own way, we can all be superheroes...to somebody...sometime...in some way. A mother is a super hero to the child that she comforts with her kisses...that she catches as they fall...not from a tall building, but as they take their first steps. The businessman that stops on the highway, rolls up his sleeves, and changes a tire for the woman with a van full of small children, even though it's hot and he's tired, and it will make him late for dinner, is a superhero. The doctor that heals the patient...that saves his life for yet another day, is no less of a hero, than if he were Superman. It doesn't take real superpowers. It takes using the talents that we each have selflessly...to the best of our ability...for the good of others. I can...I am...I will be...a super hero today.

...sPeCiaL eDiTioN...

I've said it many times...I'm different...not like anyone else.  Growing up and even sometimes now as an adult, I have described myself as weird.  I think about and see things from a little different angle than most people.  I speak without thinking, and at times I find inappropriate things to be funny.  I laugh when I'm nervous, even if it's a serious situation...one that no one else would laugh about.  I can be terribly quirky, and when I'm focused or "into" something...I can be borderline obsessive.  Many times, when I order my food at a restaurant...it takes a long time and the person I'm with may think they are with Sally from the movie "When Harry Met Sally".  I need certain things on the side.  I substitute one sauce or side for another.  I always open and rearrange my hamburger so all the ingredients are "straight" and just how I like them.  Most things in my life are different, and so I have many adventures and life with me is hardly ever dull. 

My life inside the gym is not much different than outside in terms of being different than many people.  Most people want to feel as little pain or soreness as possible.  I like to be pushed hard.  I like to use and channel the pain.  Most people want to stick with movements and methods of weight training that are familiar and or fun.  I like to do Power lifting or Olympic lifts while other people are sitting on machines, and it's not because I'm especially good at it.  Agility, balance, and coordination are NOT this girl's strong points!  Most people want to have an enjoyable experience in the gym.  People go to the gym to escape stress.  They want to have fun and do whatever they want to do that day or visit with friends on the treadmill.  I enter the gym with butterflies and nervous anticipation, and I like that.  I like the feeling of panic that I get at the beginning of a workout that is really hard...when I wonder inside how I will finish, even though I ALWAYS do.  I like the fear of being chased by my friends that become my competitors at the gym during a group workout, but most people don't and that makes me and everyone else like me...a little different...a little weird. 

It's hard not to feel conspicuous or wonder if maybe we should try to conform and be a little more "normal" at times, but the truth is...if you want something different...something more...you have to be willing to do things differently.  You have to be willing to stand out or look a little foolish.  You have to accept that not everyone will like or agree with you.  You have to be willing to step outside the box that most other people are standing in.  Sometimes when we step outside the box and we do things that other people are not yet willing to do, it can make us feel alone because we ARE different.  What we have to remember, is that different does not equal bad.   

Be grateful for the qualities that make you who you are! Don't feel apologetic or get the desire to change who you are so you can try to be like everybody else!  Be willing to stand out and shine, and be proud of the great accomplishments that go along with that.  Other people will always have their opinions, because it's easy for the people sitting on the sidelines to judge you. The voice that needs to reassure you and the only opinion that should count...is your own. Be proud of who you are and how hard you are working to make improvements and be strong. Ignore the critics sitting on the couch or the jealous people that are too lazy to do what you do! Just because you are different, it doesn't mean you are weird. You are a one of a kind, special edition! Remember that today! 

Don't be hatin!

"How things look on the outside of us depends on how things are on the inside of us."  ~Anonymous

We've all been guilty of doing it.  It's human nature.  We are quick to judge on outside appearances.  We decide whether or not a person is worthwhile.  We compare ourselves.  We make assumptions.  Sometimes we like what we see and sometimes we don't.  Many times whether or not we like it has more to do with ourselves than it does the person we are looking at.  We criticize to make ourselves feel better and we comfort and lull ourselves by making quick judgements and convincing ourselves that we are right and others are wrong.

Some people even take it a step further, they convince themselves that other people's successes are an attempt to make them feel like a failure.  For some people, life, happiness, and success are a "zero sum game".  A "zero sum game" is a situation where one person's gain can only result from another person's loss.  These are people that spend their time trying to prove others wrong so they can feel right...people that cannot feel good about themselves without tearing other people down either directly or non directly depending on how courageous they are...people that focus on what other people are doing rather than what they can do themselves to make a real difference and have a positive influence.

I've been on both sides of the fence.  When I was weak minded and insecure...I constantly looked outside myself to prove others wrong.  It was my attempt to soften the internal ache I felt because I was unfulfilled and selfish at the time.  I appeared confident.  I said I didn't care what other people thought...but INSIDE...only I knew that it was a lie.  I needed attention and reassurance to feel better.  I still like those things.  Everyone does to some extent, but I am different now.  Don't get me wrong...I still struggle.  I struggle with the way I and others see me.  I struggle not to feel like I have to be perfect.  I struggle when people misunderstand my message or write unkind things.  I struggle to be as accepting and kind towards myself as I have become with others, but my attempt to help others and make a small change in the world has also changed me and the struggle has given me strength I never knew I could find.

I have learned what true strength is.  I know that strength of character is as important as the outward appearance of strength.  I know that how much I lift in the gym only equals a small portion of my strength.  I know that strength and beauty comes in ALL shapes and sizes...all ages...all colors.  I know that sometimes it shows more strength to turn the other cheek than to stand toe to toe and fight every time I disagree or I feel hurt or misunderstood.  I know that the way I treat others is a direct reflection of how I feel about myself deep down.  I know that it takes more strength to see others achieve success...sometimes the very success that I desire...and be genuinely happy for those people...than to tear others down to make myself feel stronger.

The next time you find yourself judging someone else...the next time you start to feel envious or have a desire to talk about another person...take a moment and determine what it is that is bothering YOU.  Explore your feelings and stop projecting your insecurities outward.  Have enough internal strength to overcome those feelings and be strong...not just in appearance...but in character as well.

...rEcHaRgE yOuR BaTTeRy...

Most of us use our cell phones a lot.  I remember a time, many years ago, when all I did with my phone was make calls.  It's not that way anymore.  I use my phone for everything.  It's my calculator, address book, organizer, camera, and alarm clock.  I text instead of calling whenever I can.  I check my email, post to and check Facebook updates, and play games.  There's not a day that I go an hour without doing something on my phone during the day.  Most of the time plugging my cell phone in at night to recharge is sufficient.  But ever so often, my phone get used so much during the day that the battery becomes too low and I have to recharge it sooner.  Sometimes when my phone gets very low, I take it and plug it in and let it get good and recharged.  Other times, I try just plugging it in here and there in the car or for just a few minutes at a time.  This helps, but I find that it doesn’t take long and my phone is dead.

Do you ever have days where you feel like your cell phone?  There are days that require a lot out of me...days that I'm especially busy...days that come with added stress...days that I feel as though everyone else needs my help.  These days cause my inner “battery” to get run down faster.  If I ignore the signs that my inner “battery” is low or if I try to quickly “recharge” it, before long...I have nothing left to give to myself or others.  Sometimes, you have to take the time to stop and fully recharge your “battery”...not just for a few minutes, but for as long as it takes to be back up to full speed.  We make excuses that we are too busy or that we don’t have time, but once the battery is dead on your phone...it’s worthless to you and we are no different.

 Pay more attention to where your battery is at.  I have deleted “apps” on my phone that drain my battery.  Maybe we need to practice this in our personal lives as well.  If there are people that take from you and drain you, but give nothing in return...maybe you need to reconsider how beneficial they are to you and whether or not you want to keep them around.  If you are feeling the sign that your “battery” is low...if you are irritable or tired or sad...recognize it and make a real effort to recharge.  When we allow all of our energy to be taken away and given to different tasks and people, we suddenly become just like a cell phone without a charge.  We are of no use to those around us, and we have nothing to give.   Don’t allow that to happen.  Keep yourself recharged so that you have the power to live the life you want.

...step away from the donuts and nobody gets hurt...

The smell...the way it feels when I first bite into it...the texture in my mouth...the happiness I feel when I eat a doughnut...is amazing.  Seriously.  I admit it.  I freaking love doughnuts.  I do.  So heading up to the school for "Muffins with Mom" (where they serve Krispy Kreme doughnuts) with my 10 yr old son, Jake seems like a perfect opportunity to have one.  Right?

I told myself before I left the house.  I will NOT have a doughnut, but I wondered if I could do it.  I scanned the cafeteria for Facebook friends.  The coast was clear.  I thought, "I could eat one and no one would ever know."  We all know that's not true though.  I would know.  Once I was resolved to chatting with Jake while he ate THREE DELICIOUS, AMAZING, SWEET doughnuts, I started to have a little inner pity party.  "It's not fair!  Look at all these other Moms eating doughnuts!  It's only one...one won't make me fat...or kill me...or ruin everything."  These were the voices in my head.  I tried to talk to Jake so I couldn't hear them, but my inner fat girl talks really loud and she likes attention.

As bad as it felt to sit there, it felt really good to walk out having kept my word...not to my friends on Facebook...but to myself.  There's power and happiness in self control.  There's freedom in making a choice and sticking to it.  There's peace in going through the day proud rather than carrying regrets after a few moments of joy.  Don't short change yourself.  Have faith in your ability to choose and follow through.  Relish the power that grows every time you make a choice to do the right thing...whether it's a food choice or a choice of whether or not to hit the gym.  Small choices can make a big difference.

...Nasty girl...

Last week after I was done working out with my friend, I decided to run across the street to pick up a few tank tops at the mall.  It seemed silly to go all the way home and get fixed up just to drive back to where I already was.  There was a big vertical stripe of sweat on my back, and I felt like I must look really nasty.  As I pulled into the parking lot, I started to feel self conscious and worry about what people might think.  I wondered if the salespeople would tell me not to try on the clothes.  I started to worry about what other people might think too.  Still, I grabbed my purse and headed through the door and up to the lingerie department.

I quickly grabbed the 3 tanks that I was there for and turned to find the register.  As I turned, there was the sales lady standing right there.  A little thrown off, I started to tell her that I was ready to check out.  She smiled and said, "Would you like to try those on?".  I felt surprised that she was asking me the very thing that I thought she would NOT want me to do.  I quickly said, "Oh no!  I'm sweaty and nasty!  I'm sorry.  It's just that I just got done working out across the street...".  She cut me off and said, "Oh honey, you look just fine.  You look like a girl that knows how to work hard!"  I was so surprised.  I felt myself smiling and standing a little taller.  I paid, thanked her, and walked towards my car.  Only this time...I wasn't embarrassed or rushing because of my sweaty shirt.  This time I walked out with a new perspective.

I'm so grateful that the kindness of a stranger helped me understand what I should have already known.  My sweaty tank top was a symbol of my desire to work hard and be strong.  It was a sign that I didn't stop when it got hard or when it was hot.  I kept going and I had the mark to prove it.  I realized that my sweat was not something to be ashamed of but a badge of honor!  Now, when I walk out of the gym or come off the trail after a tough run and I am sweaty, I try to remember that day and feel proud...not nasty!

...tAkE yOuR oWn aDviCe...

 
It's an interesting phenomenon being a mother to three children.  I am the same and they all have the same father, but my pregnancies and deliveries were all very different from one another and my children are each very unique.  They each have their own look and their personalities are very individual.  I love that, because while it can be frustrating at times, it keeps me on my toes and lets me experience life through different perspectives.  It's like seeing the world through four different views; mine and all three of theirs.

This morning I already had my oldest and youngest children to school, so I started doing what I do every morning.  It starts with the intercom and progresses to me yelling upstairs and ends with me walking up to my daughter's room to see what I can do to help her not be tardy for school.  Apparently she inherited my inability to get anywhere on time, because Sydney is ALWAYS late.  She usually emerges looking fabulous with perfect hair and makeup and a smile on her face, but that wasn't the case today.  She looked like she hadn't even hardly gotten ready.  Her hair was a mess and she was very agitated and running around grabbing things.  She decided to do her hair on the way to school, so we left.  I could tell she was really frazzled and on the verge of tears.  This is odd because Sydney is tough.  She and I are very similar.  Sometimes we can be harsh and sarcastic.  We say what we think and sometimes it's bold and unfiltered.  We both have a very soft side to us too, but sometimes it's hidden.  Sydney is very self sufficient and rarely complains, so when she is visibly upset...it is strange and I notice it right away.

Like most moms, I hate to see my children upset.  When they are hurting, it's like the piece of my heart that belongs to them hurts too.  I want so badly to help them get through their problems and be well adjusted, happy kids.  Once we got in the car, I turned to her and said, "What's the matter, baby?  You seem really off this morning."  She began to just unleash everything she's been holding inside.  She talked about how tired she is and how nervous she is about trying out for cheerleading even though she portrays total confidence to everyone else.  At that point, she was all out venting and I was happy to listen because I knew she needed to talk.  She started to talk about how she has "the worst luck in the world" and how she's so tired of working so hard and giving her all to everyone around her but feeling like she doesn't get much in return. I listened and then I gave her some advice.  It went a little something like this...

"I know how you feel and I'm sorry you are having a rough morning.  Unfortunately, you are a lot like me and you're right...we are not "lucky."  It's okay to have a moment and talk and even feel upset or think it's not fair, but it's what you do afterwards that counts.  Sometimes it feels as though we have to work twice as hard as everyone else for the same result, but we appreciate every success we get even more.  Remind yourself that you CAN do anything.  You have to let go of what other people are doing and continue to be a good friend and work hard because you want to.  You can't control whether or not you get back all you give, so be thankful that you have a heart that allows you to give so much.  You are having a bad day, but you are strong and you will get through this and wake up to a better day tomorrow."

We pulled up and she looked at me with her blue eyes and long eyelashes and said, "Thanks Mom.".  I told her that I love her and drove towards the gym to work.  The car was quiet because I turned the radio off when she began to talk.  As I sat in silence, I thought about what she had said and how I have felt those exact same feelings and even said some of those exact words before.  There have been times I have allowed those feelings to get the best of me.  Then, some things became very clear for me.  I had just sat and given her some great advice...advice that maybe I should take myself.  It's easy to tell someone else how to have a better life.  It's nice to be someone that people come to for advice, but it's better to believe and follow the advice yourself.

I am so hard on myself.  Many times, I put myself down in ways that I wouldn't think of doing to my own children.  It occurred to me that maybe I should talk a little nicer to myself and listen to the words of advice that I offer to my children.  I believe and meant every word that I told my daughter this morning.  Now it's time for me to take my own advice, and live by those words.

..Is it REALLY hard?...

I drove to the gym with mixed emotions.  I was full of excitement, fear, skepticism, and happiness.  I haven't driven to the gym with emotions like this in a long time.  For a long time I've gone through the motions.  Sometimes I complain about not being where I want to be or where I once was.  Sometimes I work really hard and sometimes I walk away wondering if I could've done a little more.  There's days when I write a workout or head to the gym to do what the other classes are doing, but I don't feel those real butterflies anymore like I used to feel.

It's like a relationship.  At first, you work hard.  You're on your best behavior.  You are excited to see "the one" and you get those butterflies when you do.  Every kiss is electric and annoying habits seem so forgivable.  And then...you get comfortable and secure and you stop working so hard.  You don't worry about always looking your best because you feel sure you'll see him or her again and you can make up for it then.  Before you know it, you've lost that excitement and things that were once "cute"...are now annoying.

Well, my workouts have become like a crusty old man that I have been married to for 50 years.  I'm bored and I find myself looking at "other workouts", wondering if maybe I should just move on and start fresh.  Here's the problem with that.  Sometimes in relationships and in other areas, such as working out...we DO find that we are not getting our needs met and we need to move on to someone or something that more matches who we are today and can give us a better, healthier quality of life.  But sometimes...it may be the right person and place...and we just get lazy.  It seems easier to just start over because it's always easy when it's new and who doesn't love those butterflies and the exhilaration you feel when you are just beginning.  Unfortunately, nothing stays new.  So if you're in the right spot, you have to reevaluate your feelings and adjust your behavior from time to time. 

I worked out with a trainer, Wes, for a year.  We became great friends...the kind of friends that last a lifetime and survive life changes and moves halfway around the world...friends that can be apart for years and come back and feel like you never missed a day.  He changed me forever in more ways than just my physical appearance.  Wes moved away 4 years ago and I missed him terribly.  He and his wife recently moved back to Texas.  I was feeling in a rut and he has been busy making a new life and wanted to get back into better shape again.  One day, I decided to offer him a deal.  I wanted us to workout together.  It would give him a set time and place to be to workout and I would have the extra motivation he provides as well as his expertise.  Don't tell him, but this is a way better deal for me than him because honestly...I have a lot more to gain from him than he does from me, but I got lucky and he agreed.  We will workout together 4 days a week and yesterday was day one.

We've done Crossfit and Crossfit-esque workouts together for a long time but we decided to start our first 3 week cycle with the basics.  I have to admit.  I was worried that I would get bored or it wouldn't be hard enough.  All my fears went out the window yesterday when we started.  I always prided myself on working hard...going the extra mile.  We started with worksets of Presses, but instead of the barbell that is my old, familiar friend...we used dumbbells.  I did a few warmups and then began.  I hadn't been over there 5 minutes when I heard that familiar voice "That is no where near heavy enough for you!"  I went into my old girl client whiny mode (I know...annoying) and said "It is heavy!"  He smiled..."No.  It's not."  I picked up another set...5 lbs more.  "Okay", I thought.  "Here I go!  THIS is the weight!"  No such luck.  "You still need more.  Push it up!"  I cleaned the dumbbells up and it was a struggle.  In fact, he had to help me push the last few up.  OH, wow.  The light bulb came on and I was flooded with a mixture of fear and excitement.

I realized that I have been taking it easy on myself.  When Wes first left, I stayed true to the things he taught me.  But somewhere along the way...I got cocky and I started slipping.  It seemed easier to just keep changing things up and trying to start something new, but the "new" would always wear off and I'd be back to square one.  I realized that sometimes when we think we are working hard, we really aren't.  I had a great workout and I left tired and happy.  I woke up a little nervous this morning...and I liked it.  I feel a new sense of hope.  I know that I will achieve my goals now and I'm so grateful to have Wes by my side to help me get there.  Never again do I want to slack off like I have.  I didn't even realize it.  I thought I was working hard...and I WAS...but I could be working harder.

The next time you feel bored and unsatisfied.  The next time you want to complain about where you are or wonder why you are not seeing the results you want, don't think about something new or blame it on other people or circumstances.  Walk to the mirror and look in the reflection.  Reignite the passion that you once had.  Ask yourself "Is it REALLY hard enough?".  Answer honestly and adjust accordingly. 

...eX fAt GirL...

I've done it for so many years that it seems second nature.  I've called myself an ex-fat girl, and I AM in fact an ex-fat girl.  It's a label and persona I've given myself that I realized has done 2 things for me.  It has served as a badge of honor and it has acted as a really sneaky excuse of sorts and a "security blanket" at times.  The badge of honor part has always been apparent.  I went from someone with no real confidence that was scared of everything...to a woman that still gets scared but knows I can face any challenge.  I went from overweight and UNFIT; trapped in a body I hated...to a person that is fit and can be proud to walk down any beach in a bikini.

As for the other part...well it's the part that not many people see; the part that is hidden by confidence that is sometimes real and sometimes fake.  It is the sneaky part that lives in my head and takes up space that could be better used.  You see, I realized lying in bed this morning that as long as I keep thinking of myself as an ex-fat girl...it gives me an excuse to settle...because ANYTHING is better than where I was right?  WRONG.  It's been 8 YEARS since I started that journey and frankly, I don't know why I keep that girl in my head and heart.  "She" does nothing but bring me down and make me see things in the mirror that are not there!   "She" makes me afraid and "she"allows me to settle.  I don't like that.

It's like climbing a mountain.  You want to look up and focus your energy on rising rather than constantly looking back at the ground below.  There's a reason that when you are high up, they tell you not to look down.  It scares you and makes you start thinking about "what ifs" rather than taking it one foot upward at a time.  I don't think this is any different.  I'm afraid that I have lowered my expectations in some ways and been too hard on myself in others.  Sounds confusing, right?  You should live it.

It's time to tighten the harness and look UP.  It's time to let go of the past and all the hurts and disappointments that got me fat in the first place.  It's time to fight for even better and believe that I deserve it it.  I think of my ex-fat girl as a 70lb weight pulling me down slowly...making it harder for me to continue to progress and be truly happy and strong.  It's like Robert Deniro's character in one of my favorite movies, "The Mission", where as penance he is forced to carry heavy things strapped to his back as he and the Catholic priests hike up the side of a mountain and cross rivers to teach the natives Christianity.  Even after he has done his part, he will not let go until the priest cuts the rope for him.  There's no one to cut the rope but me and it's time to find a knife.

 Don't drag old things with you.  It saps your energy and drains you of you true strength.  Let go of past hurt...of the old you...and move forward with greater ease.  Allow yourself to reach new goals and stop letting those things be a silent excuse to be less than you want to be.  Look up, not down and allow yourself to be strong.

...sNiCkErs aRe sCaRy...

I've had that uncomfortable, unsure feeling...a foreboding that something bad was about to happen for the entire hour I've been here at home.  I tried to be a "big girl" and just not think about it.  I tried to convince myself that there was nothing to be afraid of, but the anticipation has been building.

When I was a little girl, I was afraid a lot.  Sometimes, I would get so scared in my room at night that I couldn't stand it and I had to leave and go get one of my parents.  I knew I would get in trouble, but it didn't matter.  Sometimes, I was so afraid of whatever I thought was under my bed that I could not even get out of bed.  I would lie there frozen until I couldn't stand it anymore and then I would JUMP from my bed to the door because I was sure something or someone would grab my leg from under the bed if I was close.

I'm happy to report that those days are past.  I still get scared sometimes at night, but not like I used to as a child.  That's why it's odd that as soon as I finish typing these words.  I am going to "jump" so to speak and drive away from my house as fast as I can.  I am not afraid of the boogey man.  My fear is of something real...something I can see and touch.  The only way I know to keep myself "safe" is to run away.

I feel sort of pitiful that I sound so weak but it's not as weak as it could be.  Sometimes we have to find our strength in whatever form we can get it.  For me...today...that means that rather than standing "toe to toe"...I'm walking...or driving away.  I'm determined to be healthier.  I'm determined to eat better and exercise control...control that has been lacking for a while.  I want the Snickers bar that's in my living room so bad that my mouth is literally watering as I type the words.  It actually belongs to my daughter or I would throw it away, but since I can't...I'm gonna leave and then tell her to hide it when we get back home because I fear that small, delicious treat.  I fear the hold that foods like that have over me and I fear the regret and anger I will have towards myself if I indulge.

We sometimes box ourselves in and set ourselves up for failure because we become so set in the definitions we give things.  We talk about facing our fears and not backing down when we think of being brave and strong, but sometimes avoidance is important too.  That Snickers bar is like crack to a junkie or a drink for an alcoholic for me.  Just as I would never expect a recovering alcoholic to sit in a bar or take a recovering addict to a crack house, I am not expecting myself to sit in a room with something that I want so bad, but know I shouldn't have.

Don't set such rigid definitions that set you up for failure.  Be smart enough to find your strength wherever you can and be willing to practice divergent thinking and able to take things as they come.  Our lives and challenges and strengths and weaknesses change and we have to be willing to be flexible enough to do what it takes to be strong...no matter what...even if it means running away!

I have a "30 Day Challenge" for eating healthier going on.  You can follow that blog at www.stronglola.blogspot.com so read my daily thoughts and see what I'm eating!  :)

...fReAkiN fAnTaStiC...

Get out there and get EVERYTHING you can out of this day...your training...your life!!!  Recognize the greatness and potential that lies within you!  GET HEALTHY!  GET HAPPY!  GET STRONG!

...pLaNNiNg fOr mY "rOaDtRiP" iN 2012...

Making real improvements in your life can be the simplest, most complex, easiest, hardest thing in the world.  It all depends on how you approach it.  I am a stubborn person by nature, and I have always been resistant to change.  I think this is in part because I don't like being told what to do and in part because I am a perfectionist and I can hardly bear the thought of looking stupid or the out of control feeling of not knowing what I'm doing.

This personality trait paired with a fear of failure can make change complicated and hard.  There have been many times in my life where I put myself down or essentially gave up on my self because I quit when things were not going as I expected or wanted them to.  This is a fast track to disappointment and frustration and I don't now about you...but most of us have plenty of that in our lives without bringing it on ourselves!

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.  I've even repeated a few, but no matter what...win or lose...succeed or fail...I've learned something.  Negativity and doubt will build a wall that stands between us and the changes we want to make.  Calling yourself fat won't make you thinner.  Telling yourself that you can't won't get you closer to your goals.  Making excuses and trying to find shortcuts doesn't make growth any easier.  This doesn't mean we should allow ourselves to fail without trying or lull ourselves into thinking that this is the way things are and change is impossible.  What it does mean is that if you want to get somewhere, you need a plan...a map of sorts.

You need to treat change like you would a road trip.  You don't jump in a car and drive off without making sure you have gas or anything else you may need along the way, and you certainly don't start driving somewhere you've never been before without some sort of directions.  There are maps, navigation, friends and acquaintances that may have traveled the same road that can all offer you a clear cut path towards your final destination.

I decided to really change my diet this next year.  My life has felt very out of control in some ways over the past year and I feel ready for a change...a true, lasting change.  I think the discipline and lessons I learn, along with the possibility of physically feeling better will help me not just physically or with my diet alone, but in many aspects of my life.  I'm setting out on a road that I've never traveled.  In the past I tried to be all liberated and do it myself without help, but in the end I found myself anything but liberated from the place or behaviors I was trying to escape.  This time, I want to be smart.  I want to set myself up to succeed rather than doom myself to failure.  I am going to make a menu and get the "fuel" I need ahead of time.  I am not going to focus on what I'm giving up, but what I can gain and the example that I can be to others.

So here I go.  January 2, 2012 is the first day of what I hope ends up being a long, enjoyable, successful trip to better health!  I invite anyone that wants to join me "virtually" to come to the group page I've made on Facebook, STRONG LOLA 30 DAY CHALLENGE, and follow along.  You don't have to know it all or be an expert.  You just have to be willing to do something different and not too proud to ask for "directions".  I will put some links to helpful information here below the post!  New year!  New YOU!

STRONG LOLA 30 DAY CHALLENGE


For information on the Paleo diet, how to get started, what to eat and NOT eat, etc click the links below:

WHOLE 9

BALANCED BITES

21 DAY SUGAR DETOX

PRACTICAL PALEOLITHIC

...WHO'S LOLA?...

I never wanted to be a business person. That's just not me. I'm a creative person that loves people. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I knew that no matter what...I wanted a job where I could help people in some way. I dropped out of college as a social work major when I got married to work and put my husband through school. I never expected to be anything more than a Mom once I started having my children. If anyone would've told me that I would be writing and designing and selling t shirts to motivate people even 2 years ago...I would've laughed and said "NO WAY!". And I would've really never believed that I would start my own business in the process. I'm messy. I keep terrible records. Math and accounting and organization are not my strong points, but our lives take unexpected twists and turns. And so...through a series of twists and turns, and because of one picture of a tank top I made that said "STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY" got so much attention on Facebook...here I am today with my own tiny little business called "Strong Lola". Many people have wondered and asked about the name. I've heard, "What's the significance of the name of your business? Does it mean something? And who IS Lola anyways?" So with the recent launch of my website for "Strong Lola", I thought I'd share a little bit about "Lola"...who she is...and why I have such an affection for her that I named my business after her.

I've often said that my life may be crazy and full of chaos at times, but it's never boring. I am one of six children in a crazy, loud, sometimes tragic, loving family. Growing up, my 2 younger sisters and I were all so close in age that we were built in playmates...and not much has changed as we've grown up. The 3 of us are still the best of friends. We fight and makeup and we get annoyed with each other. But in the end, we are as close as can be. We go out together every weekend and share lots of laughter and adventures. It was on one of those nights that I became "Lola".


Last year, my sister Kathy and I had gone to hear our friends and their band play live music outside of a local restaurant with another friend of ours. It was a warm summer night...perfect weather to sit with friends and listen to music outside. The place we went had picnic tables outside for seating and there was an area in front of the stage for dancing. I personally love to people watch and there was one person in particular that caught my eye that night...a woman.

I say this at the risk of sounding like a superficial witch, but she wasn't that attractive and she was a little overweight. No one would ever see this woman and say "Wow! She's beautiful! I want to look like her.", but that's not what I noticed. What caught my eye was the way she was dancing and the way she carried herself. She was dancing with the man that she was there on a date with. Her eyes NEVER left his. She twirled around as if she were a tiny dancer with a perfectly toned body. It was obvious that she felt no discomfort or embarrassment. She was so free and at ease and it wasn't because she was drinking either. She was completely sober.

The more I watched her...the more I was intrigued and drawn to her. In fact, I began to feel a little jealous. It seems crazy for me to say that I was jealous of her...that for a moment I wanted to be that very imperfect lady dancing and laughing...but she looked so sure of herself. She wasn't looking around, and she certainly wasn't worried about what other people thought. I turned to my sister and our friend and said, "Wow! Do you see that lady?" They said "Yes.". I said, " If I had HALF her confidence...I could take over the world!" I wished that I could be more like that.

Later on, she and her boyfriend struggled to take a picture of themselves at the table right behind ours. My sister that never meets a stranger and will talk to anyone, offered to take one of them. Then she introduced herself. "Hi! My name is Kathy." The woman smiled and said, "Nice to meet you! I'm Lola." Through our conversation, we learned that the man she was on a date with had been her husband many years ago. They had been divorced for over 10 yrs and had reconnected. Neither ever had children or remarried and even though they had once failed...they were giving their relationship a 2nd chance.

I said, "I love the name Lola! I wish I had a cool name like that!" and that was the night my sister and friend nicknamed me "Lola". I loved it, because to me...I associate that name with someone that is happy and confident...someone comfortable in their own skin and willing to take chances...someone determined and not afraid to go after what they want in life, even if there are risks. So when I started thinking about starting a business where I could expand upon what I am doing at "STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY"...I wanted to choose a name that seemed appropriate. I thought about all the obvious choices, but none seemed to fit. It was almost like naming a baby. I wanted the name to represent all that I wanted my business to be about. One night as I was reading an old note my friend had written to me..."Lola"...it made perfect sense! "Strong Lola" would be the name of my business.


I knew that "Strong Lola" was a name that people would either really like or think was weird. I knew that everyone would say "Who's Lola?" or wonder quietly why I would choose that name...but I also knew that this was the perfect name because it embodies EVERYTHING that I want myself and other women to be! "Lola" is a woman that loves life. "Lola" is kind, but she's not a pushover. "Lola" is true to her heart and carries herself with confidence. "Lola" has goals...a purpose in life...and she isn't afraid to go after what she wants. "Lola" seizes the opportunities that come her way, and "she" doesn't give up or lose hope. "Lola" is comfortable in her own skin but is always seeking to be better...to improve. Combine all these qualities with a strong will and mind...and a healthy, fit, strong body...and I believe this kind of person CAN conquer the world in her own way!

I want the people that follow me on Facebook and my blog to feel empowered...not in a figurative, "rah rah", feel good kind of way...but in the truest sense. I want women and girls to know that you don't have to be perfect or the ideal of what other people think of as pretty to be beautiful. The woman I saw the first time I looked at Lola and the woman I saw by the end of the night were very different. She became beautiful to me in her own way. I also want to change the way women treat each other and THEMSELVES. I want us to stop hating ourselves because we don't look like THAT girl over there and learn to improve upon who we are and what we have. I want women to take care of their bodies and be healthy without feeling guilty or selfish. There is no age limit or boundaries. ANYONE can change. ANYONE can be better and stronger. It's never too late to become more like "Lola"!

I still think about that lady I met a couple of years ago when I'm having a day that I want to quit...or when I'm worried about what everyone around me thinks...or I don't like the imperfections I see in the mirror. Those days, I tell myself..."Remember who you are! You are Lola and you are strong! There is no goal too lofty or problem too big to overcome." "Lola" is my nick name...my alter ego of sorts...but I'm willing to share it with anyone that wants to share it. "Strong Lola" embodies everything that I have done with "STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY" and they fit together perfectly. So, let's all be more like "Lola" and work towards being stronger and happier and more confident than we ever thought possible.

...DiFFiCuLty aNd oPPoRtuNitiEs...

"In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity." ~Albert Einstein

Many times we avoid things that are difficult. We want to avoid the pain and hard work...not realizing the good that can come from it! I often think about my personal journey and the changes I made. I don't think I could've been ANY sadder than I was during that time in my life. I remember how far I had to fall, before I was able to try and get back up.

I was always "together". I've NEVER been one to skip showers or go around without makeup...even when my kids were babies. I got to the point where I was so depressed that I wasn't taking showers and I cried all the time. I would come home from dropping kids off at school and preschool and sob sitting in my car in the garage. To say that I was in the "midst of difficulty" feels like an understatement, but those were definitely difficult times.

I remember the night my husband came home from work and as usual...the kids were going crazy and there was no dinner. I was crying and I asked him to come talk to me. I told him that I needed help. And just to be clear...I don't ask for help...EVER...so this was strange. I told him i felt I needed to see a doctor but that I was too distracted and fragile to even make an appointment. He agreed to make the appointment for me, and that first visit was one I will never forget. I felt like a prisoner...ready and wanting to escape the minute anyone turned their head. When the doctor asked me what was wrong, I started to sob uncontrollably. He wrote furiously on my chart. He prescribed me an anti depressant, which helped in some ways, and made things worse in others.

I never told anyone but close family that I had to take medication. I was so embarrassed about it and was afraid that people would judge me, but I feel like other people need to know that it is okay to seek help in whatever form you need and there is no need to feel ashamed. The initial medication took me from crying all the time...to sitting in a stupor...only to gain even more weight. I needed some immediate help, so it was okay for a short time, but I had to eventually have the medication switched and then shortly thereafter was when I was out from under the fog of depression and I could start to make decisions that would change me and the course of my life forever.

I will not get into the exact details of the steps I took today, but I started slow...with one small goal at a time. I started at 200 lbs and so my goal was to get in the 190s. When I hit the 190s, my goal was to get in the 180s. I took baby steps and I'll be honest...it wasn't all sunshine and roses. I did it on my own. I had no trainer or anyone to motivate me or give me advice. I had to figure it out as I went along. In the beginning I didn't lose weight quickly and I felt discouraged at times...but all I could think was that even if I wasn't losing...I was no longer gaining and so I continued my program. Eventually...because I stuck with it...I saw great success.

It was a long hard year of high highs and low lows. I have thought about it at times I wondered why...why I didn't do something when I was only 20 lbs overweight...why I waited until it was so difficult. Contrary to what people may think...I do not regret the way things happened. I NEEDED to be miserable and it NEEDED to be difficult in order for me to truly dig in and embrace the journey. In the midst of my difficulty, I saw opportunity and I grabbed it and held on to it. I would not be the person I am today or have made such strides if things had not happened the way they did and so I am grateful for those difficulties.

"Rock bottom" or difficulties...whatever you wanna call it...is different for each person. Some people may not have to get to the level I was at to be uncomfortable enough to change, but here's the point I want to make: Those low, difficult times...the times that I felt like I was looking at a stranger in the mirror...the times I could see no happy future...the times I could hardly stand to carry my child up the stairs...the times I was treated badly in stores...were a blessing of sorts because they allowed me to gain a desire for change which lead me to seize the opportunity.

Do not feel as though it is impossible to change. Whether you have 100 lbs to lose or 10 lbs to lose...you can do it. Whether you work, or have children, or bad genetics, or anything else in your life that make it hard to get started...doesn't matter. The time to grasp the opportunity is NOW. I will never tell you it will be easy. It's not, but it IS possible to change regardless of your situation. You'll look back later and be grateful for the journey if you do and you will feel proud when you look in the mirror and know that YOU did the work and YOU made a change for the better. Look at the difficulties in your life as a catalyst for change. Find the opportunity waiting for you and make a change.