Sunday, April 8, 2012

Don't be hatin!

"How things look on the outside of us depends on how things are on the inside of us."  ~Anonymous

We've all been guilty of doing it.  It's human nature.  We are quick to judge on outside appearances.  We decide whether or not a person is worthwhile.  We compare ourselves.  We make assumptions.  Sometimes we like what we see and sometimes we don't.  Many times whether or not we like it has more to do with ourselves than it does the person we are looking at.  We criticize to make ourselves feel better and we comfort and lull ourselves by making quick judgements and convincing ourselves that we are right and others are wrong.

Some people even take it a step further, they convince themselves that other people's successes are an attempt to make them feel like a failure.  For some people, life, happiness, and success are a "zero sum game".  A "zero sum game" is a situation where one person's gain can only result from another person's loss.  These are people that spend their time trying to prove others wrong so they can feel right...people that cannot feel good about themselves without tearing other people down either directly or non directly depending on how courageous they are...people that focus on what other people are doing rather than what they can do themselves to make a real difference and have a positive influence.

I've been on both sides of the fence.  When I was weak minded and insecure...I constantly looked outside myself to prove others wrong.  It was my attempt to soften the internal ache I felt because I was unfulfilled and selfish at the time.  I appeared confident.  I said I didn't care what other people thought...but INSIDE...only I knew that it was a lie.  I needed attention and reassurance to feel better.  I still like those things.  Everyone does to some extent, but I am different now.  Don't get me wrong...I still struggle.  I struggle with the way I and others see me.  I struggle not to feel like I have to be perfect.  I struggle when people misunderstand my message or write unkind things.  I struggle to be as accepting and kind towards myself as I have become with others, but my attempt to help others and make a small change in the world has also changed me and the struggle has given me strength I never knew I could find.
I have learned what true strength is.  I know that strength of character is as important as the outward appearance of strength.  I know that how much I lift in the gym only equals a small portion of my strength.  I know that strength and beauty comes in ALL shapes and sizes...all ages...all colors.  I know that sometimes it shows more strength to turn the other cheek than to stand toe to toe and fight every time I disagree or I feel hurt or misunderstood.  I know that the way I treat others is a direct reflection of how I feel about myself deep down.  I know that it takes more strength to see others achieve success...sometimes the very success that I desire...and be genuinely happy for those people...than to tear others down to make myself feel stronger.

The next time you find yourself judging someone else...the next time you start to feel envious or have a desire to talk about another person...take a moment and determine what it is that is bothering YOU.  Explore your feelings and stop projecting your insecurities outward.  Have enough internal strength to overcome those feelings and be strong...not just in appearance...but in character as well.

11 comments:

  1. Marsha,

    Very often your posts are very much in parallel to where I am or what I am thinking/dealing with. I find it very odd but mostly, I just accept that I am 'supposed' to be reading your blog and learning a little more about myself in the process. Rather than resign it to coincidence, I am more inclined to accept a lesson that has been presented to me.

    While I rarely am judgmental, I do feel that pang of comparative analysis creep up on me from time-to-time.....thanks for addressing.

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    1. You are welcome Kat! I know I say it all the time, but quite often the things I write are as much for myself as they are for anyone else. Pride and envy can contribute to behavior that is unbecoming. I just keep myself in check and try and do a little better all the time. I too believe that everyone I am associated with here are meant to be in my life. I don't believe in coincidences usually. ;)

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  2. Lots of things I could say here but what it comes down to is thank you :)

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  3. Think that is so true marsha, I ve saved it to remind myself to be strong inside as well as outside! Thank u xx

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    1. You're welcome Sue! As hard as it seems to get/look strong on the outside...for me it's even tougher on the inside!

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  4. Love this so much and can totally relate! World is full of haters and it's tough to find a balance of where we can be happy for others truly and be in a content place with ourselves. Well written, I love your blog, always writing what I'm thinking :) Previous fat girl here!

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  5. Hi! I am not sure where else to comment, but my friend and i absolutely adore your blog and facebook page. Your motto is incredibly motivating and keeps us going to the gym, and even motivates us while we are there. We are dying to rep some of apparel, is it possible to get tank tops or sports bras saying Strong is the New Skinny? Thanks so much!!!

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  6. Lovely post today!! Keep up the great work

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  7. Very well said! Just came across your blog through Experience Life magazine~very excited to become a daily reader! :)
    ~Karen
    http://fashionboardconfessional.blogspot.com

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  8. When we judge others we are actually judging ourselves more than the other person and it is really as you say a true reflection of our own mental makeup. I am a dermatologist and the founder of one of the best skin treatment centers in Mumbai, India, and I have seen how true success and alternatively failure can change you and make you realise who your real friends are. One thing I always believe in and advise my teenaged daughter - When you point a finger at someone there are always three fingers pointing back at you!

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