Wednesday, March 7, 2012

...tAkE yOuR oWn aDviCe...


 
It's an interesting phenomenon being a mother to three children.  I am the same and they all have the same father, but my pregnancies and deliveries were all very different from one another and my children are each very unique.  They each have their own look and their personalities are very individual.  I love that, because while it can be frustrating at times, it keeps me on my toes and lets me experience life through different perspectives.  It's like seeing the world through four different views; mine and all three of theirs.

This morning I already had my oldest and youngest children to school, so I started doing what I do every morning.  It starts with the intercom and progresses to me yelling upstairs and ends with me walking up to my daughter's room to see what I can do to help her not be tardy for school.  Apparently she inherited my inability to get anywhere on time, because Sydney is ALWAYS late.  She usually emerges looking fabulous with perfect hair and makeup and a smile on her face, but that wasn't the case today.  She looked like she hadn't even hardly gotten ready.  Her hair was a mess and she was very agitated and running around grabbing things.  She decided to do her hair on the way to school, so we left.  I could tell she was really frazzled and on the verge of tears.  This is odd because Sydney is tough.  She and I are very similar.  Sometimes we can be harsh and sarcastic.  We say what we think and sometimes it's bold and unfiltered.  We both have a very soft side to us too, but sometimes it's hidden.  Sydney is very self sufficient and rarely complains, so when she is visibly upset...it is strange and I notice it right away.


Like most moms, I hate to see my children upset.  When they are hurting, it's like the piece of my heart that belongs to them hurts too.  I want so badly to help them get through their problems and be well adjusted, happy kids.  Once we got in the car, I turned to her and said, "What's the matter, baby?  You seem really off this morning."  She began to just unleash everything she's been holding inside.  She talked about how tired she is and how nervous she is about trying out for cheerleading even though she portrays total confidence to everyone else.  At that point, she was all out venting and I was happy to listen because I knew she needed to talk.  She started to talk about how she has "the worst luck in the world" and how she's so tired of working so hard and giving her all to everyone around her but feeling like she doesn't get much in return. I listened and then I gave her some advice.  It went a little something like this...

"I know how you feel and I'm sorry you are having a rough morning.  Unfortunately, you are a lot like me and you're right...we are not "lucky."  It's okay to have a moment and talk and even feel upset or think it's not fair, but it's what you do afterwards that counts.  Sometimes it feels as though we have to work twice as hard as everyone else for the same result, but we appreciate every success we get even more.  Remind yourself that you CAN do anything.  You have to let go of what other people are doing and continue to be a good friend and work hard because you want to.  You can't control whether or not you get back all you give, so be thankful that you have a heart that allows you to give so much.  You are having a bad day, but you are strong and you will get through this and wake up to a better day tomorrow."

We pulled up and she looked at me with her blue eyes and long eyelashes and said, "Thanks Mom.".  I told her that I love her and drove towards the gym to work.  The car was quiet because I turned the radio off when she began to talk.  As I sat in silence, I thought about what she had said and how I have felt those exact same feelings and even said some of those exact words before.  There have been times I have allowed those feelings to get the best of me.  Then, some things became very clear for me.  I had just sat and given her some great advice...advice that maybe I should take myself.  It's easy to tell someone else how to have a better life.  It's nice to be someone that people come to for advice, but it's better to believe and follow the advice yourself.


I am so hard on myself.  Many times, I put myself down in ways that I wouldn't think of doing to my own children.  It occurred to me that maybe I should talk a little nicer to myself and listen to the words of advice that I offer to my children.  I believe and meant every word that I told my daughter this morning.  Now it's time for me to take my own advice, and live by those words.

7 comments:

  1. Marsha,

    I am likely hold enough to be your mother, but I will say I wished you were my mother! My recently departed father used to say something similar you said to your daughter..... comforting and sad at the same time.

    Your daughter is lucky to have you and while you turned the situation towards yourself and talk about how you should take your own advice, in a way -- you are still being hard on yourself. :)

    I do think you should appreciate the fact that you REALIZE that you should take your own advice, that you are self-aware enough to know where your shortcomings are and that your mind is open to learning and growing. Sadly, too many people today don't see that in themselves.

    Great blog post.......I hope this stays with me today.

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    1. Thank you Kat! You are right about the fact that I am always hard on myself. It can be a fire that pushes me to be better but it can hold me back if I'm not careful. I guess it was just so odd because My daughter and I have such similar personalities and it was like stepping outside of myself and watching MYSELF vent when she was actually the one talking. My mother loves me, but she does not give this type of advice. She tends to always focus on the negative and I want to be able to feel for my kids and sympathize, but also help buoy them up! Thank you for the sweet comments! Have a great day!

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  2. Love this. I'm currently reading "The Gifts of Imperfection" and I think you'd really like it. One line that stuck out to me: "We can't give our children what we don't have ourselves." Wow. When I think about what I want for both of my kids (confidence, courage, stability, love, etc etc)...I am being forced to think about how/if I foster it in my own life. It's making me take some pretty major steps to change, even though it's tough and uncomfortable at times. You're an awesome mom!

    www.crossfitmommeghanphilpot.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Meghan and that is so true. This has been fresh in my mind because I wrote a magazine article for a friend's website about boosting your child's self confidence and that was the last point I made. You can't teach it if you don't know it yourself! :)

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  3. Great Blog! I try to help women get that is not about the scale....it is about strength, commitment and consistency...along with self love!

    Suzy

    www.suzystauffer.com

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    1. SO true Suzy! I'm sure you're making a difference out there! Keep it up!

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  4. Marsha, you are a good mother. How sweet, the ability and willingness you gave to her to REALLY listen and then love her through your heartfelt words of learning and living.

    It will shape her to be what we all strive to be: WOMEN OF SUBSTANCE.

    Have a great day. :)

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