Even the strongest men (and women) have weaknesses. It can be a person or a tangible object or even a feeling. For Sampson, it was Delila and for Superman it was kryptonite. We've all seen it or experienced it. We can be going along...strong and steady...and then we are thrown off course by something that we can't seem to resist or conquer.I have a few of these...probably one in each category. I had a friend that was so much fun to be with. I loved her and laughed more with her than I probably ever have. I never had many girlfriends so she made me feel accepted and "normal". There was just one thing. She wasn't good for me. I felt myself sliding backwards...becoming more childlike...and veering off the path from my goals. It became more important to hang by the pool and go out and have fun than it was to workout or be as responsible as I knew I should be. We are no longer friends. There's a part of me that still loves and misses her, but a part of me that has felt relieved since the day she abandoned our friendship because I no longer have to listen to the angel on one shoulder fight with the devil on the other. The demise of our friendship eliminated the inner struggle.
I faced yet another this morning and I'm proud to say that for this moment...I've won the battle. I love sugar. Sugar tastes so good to me. Sugar makes me happy. If it's sweet, chances are I'll like it! I woke up this morning CRAVING donuts. I hopped up excited to wake my kids up and take them for a treat because we don't eat donuts very often. I convinced myself that it was going to be for THEM...but I know deep down...it was for ME. I wanted that quick fix...that good feeling. The problem is that then I would feel guilty all day and ask myself WHY endlessly. Sugar is probably my biggest kryptonite when it comes to my fitness. Sugar cookies arrive and I go from being strong to being weak...a person that makes excuses and comforts myself with rationalizations. I don't always conquer this, but today...now...I'm eating eggs and bacon instead and the feeling of power is so much better than the few moments of enjoyment as I eat a donut.
Most of the time, I can treat the kryptonite in my life like a drug. I can avoid it. I don't keep ice cream in my house because I will eat it and I can avoid the people that bring me down. Unfortunately, there is one thing that I can't avoid or leave at the store...me. I can try and run from myself and my fears, but the moment I turn around, the doubt and insecurity is still right there. So if I can't out run it, what can I do?I try to think ahead and have an alternative when it comes to food. If I have healthy snacks and fruit available at my house, it makes it a little easier to not go outside of my house to buy and eat a candy bar. I try to make it so that if I want sweets, I have to make a concerted effort to leave and get them. Today, I had eggs and bacon here at home, but I would've had to drive to get donuts. THAT is what saved me.
This is one of your best and I needed to hear every word of this post. I know we have had our difficult times but at the end of the day you are my big sis and I admire and love you!!!! Thank you so much for these words because I needed them right now!!!! I love you more than you will ever know lad
ReplyDelete