...B( . )( . )Bs...

I'm a private person. It doesn't seem like it, because I do A LOT of talking and seem like an open book...and I AM...it's just I don't share EVERY page. I'm like an onion with many layers. It takes a lot of time and determination to get to the center. It also takes the ability to withstand the "tears" that go along with peeling an onion. I haven't found many people strong enough to get to the center.

I recently posted a picture (see below) on the "Strong is the new skinny" Facebook page that was meant to be motivational. I think most people found it to be, however...some criticized it because the fitness model clearly has implants. Others criticized the fact that in THEIR opinion, she was near perfection, yet they felt it contradicted the quote. My sister...that does NOT have implants...but IS part of the SINS community...brought the comments to my attention. She was surprised at how judgmental some of the comments were...as was I. Actually, I wasn't surprised...I was disappointed.

So here's where the whole "onion thing" comes back in to play...(drum roll)

I have implants. THERE! I SAID IT!

Although most people assume, I have never publicly admitted to that. I am blessed to come from a long line of "well endowed" women. Boobs are NOT in short supply in my family and I was no exception. I was a full C/small D when I was thin and flying out of a double D when I was heavy or breast feeding babies. Unfortunately, after I had three children, breast fed the last two, and lost 70 pounds...I was left with nothing...and when I say nothing...I'm not kidding. I didn't care that I didn't have big boobs anymore, in fact it was kind of nice to have a break from carrying those "girls" around. Unfortunately, I looked borderline disfigured so I went to see a few doctors about getting a lift and small implants.

I found a conservative doctor that I trusted and within 2 weeks, I was on the operating table. I ended up with boobs smaller than my "original pre baby/weight gain" boobs and I was satisfied with that. My recovery was difficult. I developed severe scar tissue around one implant that lifted it up high on my chest and was VERY painful. I could not even raise my arm up to shoulder height on that side. It had nothing to do with my doctor. It was MY bodies reaction to a foreign object. It was so bad that my plastic surgeon went back in and it took three hours for him to scrape the scar tissue that had built up around the implant in just a couple of months. It was a painful, scary recovery that we were not sure was going to work. The fear was that my body would make even more scar tissue following the second surgery and I would then have to have the implant removed for six months until my body could heal and we could try again. You can imagine how devastating and disfiguring that would have been.

That was one of the lowest points for me. I felt alone...wondering if I had made the right decision...feeling cheated that other women have surgery and recover with no problems. It was especially hard because NO ONE knew. I kept it a secret. Only my immediate family and a few of my closest friends that I completely trusted. I felt that I couldn't even tell my in-laws, because I knew I would be talked about incessantly and judged.

Some people may wonder why I kept it a secret. Is it because I wanted people to think I look like this "naturally"? Is it because I was ashamed of my decision? The answer to both of these questions, is "NO!". I was afraid of ridicule and judgement. I didn't want people to focus on JUST my boobs. That's why I went SO conservative with the size. I didn't want to hear the catty comments like "She only looks like that because she had surgery!" or "She's so shallow and only cares about how she looks!" or have people pay attention to or focus on what I was wearing or how my boobs looked. In my mind, it was reconstructive surgery.

So you can see why these comments made on Facebook (all direct quotes taken from the list of 42 comments) would get me fired up!

"How about posting pictures of real women with real boobs?!"

"It ruins the genuineness of being naturally fit when one has implants. I like working out and being muscular but I want to keep my curves. I have seen women who are very fit but you still need some fat or it will make you appear older than you are especially on the face."

"Not hating on...just my opinion. It's irritating to see blogs about acceptance about not being "perfect" and 99%+ of the time there is a picture to illustrate what "perfect" supposively looks like. It sends out mixed messages. I feel the same way about fake hair and fake nails."

""Do what you can with what you have." But she didn't, with her boobs. :P"

"I agree on the mixed message. Yes its an inspirational quote and yes that women is gorgeous, fit, and strong and it's not about the realness of her breasts that bothers me. Associating a photo of a woman who is damn near perfect in my vie...w while claiming "none of us are perfect" is really frustrating and counter productive. In a culture where women are beaten down by trying to achieve "perfection" and obsessed with body image, I would like to see this group champion what real, average, STRONG women look like. That lady is HOT and good on her, but that's not the reality of what us average gals looks like, even when we work our asses off."

"Okay- is this the message I'm supposed to get from this? "Do what you can, where you are with what you have.... But if you're not happy with what you HAVE, get a boob job." The message does not match the phrase AT ALL, it in fact contradicts it!!"

Obviously, there were many comments that were positive, but these few negative comments really bothered me and so I wanted to share my story and put my two cents worth in...because REALLY I could care less what people think of implants. That's not why these comments bothered me. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. It's not about me personally or a debate on implants in general. What it IS about...is acceptance...or lack thereof. Here was MY initial response:

"I try not to take things personally and I've sat on my response for a day because I didn't want to make people mad, but I'm ready to speak my mind and deal with the consequences. Implants DO NOT ruin the "geniuneness of being naturally fit"... NOR does this image contradict this phrase. It disappoints me that we preach acceptance of something that is different and of all shapes and sizes but rag on implants or the appearance of "perfection". Be accepting of ALL. It's easy to say "Hey let's be nice and accept people on the journey or that are not near perfection." but it's tough to accept people that look good or do things to enhance their body. If you don't like fake boobs, don't get em...but don't judge people that do. If you wanna have an opinion, fine...but don't GENERALIZE and be hateful. It's wrong and I don't want that here on our page."

So there you have it...the truth about me and how I feel about this. It was hard for me to share something that I wanted to keep private, but I felt like I needed to do it in order to explain where I'm coming from. Do I think people have judged me or will judge me because of my boobs? Yes. Do I regret my decision to get implants...even with the complications? No. It was right...for ME. I don't expect anyone to change their opinion on fake boobs because of me. I think everyone has the right to their opinions whether I like it or not. I do not however think people have the right to judge and bash on people because they don't agree with their decision and then generalize it out to everyone else. I think it's harder sometimes to accept people that look good...maybe even better than we do...than it is to accept people that don't. It takes true confidence to not see our own failures when others succeed.

It takes true strength to be able to accept EVERYONE. It doesn't matter whether or not you are buff. It doesn't matter where you choose to workout or how you choose to workout. What matters is that everyone is trying to be their best in their own way.

Forget about the b( . )( . )bs and focus on being strong!