So I started trying to get it back, but my impatience and fear got the best of me. I was like those people that fear the trip up to the top of the highest hill on the roller coaster. I wanted to close my eyes as I went further and further down...to pretend it wasn't happening. It would've been easy to walk away and never go back because I didn't want to face the unknown or deal with the anticipation of what might or might not lie on the other side. All that did, was slow my progress. I made hasty decisions and kept changing "the ride" so to speak. It's hard to reach the top when you keep starting over.This writing was very much for myself, but it is also for anyone that has fear or wants to give up. STOP IT. Stop being afraid. Stop telling yourself you can't make it. If you want to run further, faster...then get your butt outside or on a treadmill and push yourself. Run a little longer than you want. Run a little faster than you thought possible. Learn to be okay with being uncomfortable. If you want to do a pullup...go and try to do a pullup...not once or 100 times. Do it until you get one...and you WILL get one if you keep trying. It took me 2 years to get pullups! What if I had given up at a year? So what if your hands hurt or your ego is bruised. It was all for nothing if you quit.
A couple of weeks ago, I decided to just embrace everything that goes along with change. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm on the way up with my eyes open and my arms in the air. I'm trying to look forward to longer workouts with nervous EXCITEMENT rather than dreading and fearing what will happen. I'm trying to laugh and enjoy the process, even when the fear takes my breath away. But mostly, I've decided to stop running away and get right back in line...to ride over and over and over again until I get where I want to go. This "ride" CAN BE exhilarating if I let it be.
*Today's workout for anyone interested:
10 Ring Rows (with feet on a low box)
10 Jumping Lunges (each leg/20 total)
10 Knees to Elbows
10 Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (55 lbs)
10 Burpee Box Jumps (22 in box)
7 Rounds for time (33:18)
Followed by 30 minute of cardio of choice