Resting my way strong...

 Rest days.  I always hated them.  For YEARS I have lived over trained...working out 6 days a week...for up to 2 hours a day.  I lived on very little sleep and prided myself on never being injured.  I felt invincible at times.  I was able to do what I wanted and push myself hard without any real consequences it seemed...and then it all caught up to me.

In March I broke my wrist when I fell demonstrating a movement in the gym.  I remember lying in the emergency room...all alone...feeling defeated and scared.  I had just come off a 2 year separation and divorce that had drained me of much of my strength and desire to take care of myself.  I often felt fatigue or broke down crying while I was trying to train during those years.  I had JUST started to feel better and work out more like my old self for about 2 weeks when I had my accident.  Alone and frustrated, I started to tear up.  I quickly wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt and decided that this would not keep me down.  I vowed to keep working out in whatever capacity I could and promised myself that I would not feel sorry for myself.

I did well for a long time.  I ran, did workouts with one arm, and rarely missed a day in the gym.  I was sure that I would heal quickly and be back to new in a few months.  Unfortunately, that wasn't in the cards for me.  My wrist took much longer to heal that expected and once my wrist was better, I suffered with severe pain in the elbow on the other arm.  It has been 8 months since I was able to workout like I want.  As soon as the pain starts to get better, either something else hurts or I start working out again and the pain returns.

There have been days that I wanted to give up, but I've tried to continue to fight and do what I could through constant aches and pains.  I've watched my body change and felt helpless many times.  I've tried dieting, but there's no replacement for heavy lifting and intense workouts when it comes to body composition.  All along, I kept trying to fight until something occurred to me last week.  I didn't need to fight harder.  I need to rest.  I need to allow myself to heal fully before I can start the process of getting stronger again!

So that's where I'm at.  It feels like a bit of a standstill, but I know it's not.  I decided to write this for anyone else that may be feeling the way I've felt for so many months.  I've felt like a failure.  I've felt like an old battery with no charge left.  I've felt like life is passing me by and everyone else is progressing while I go backward.  I have CRAVED change while refusing to do anything different.  So now I'm doing different.  Now, I'm going to focus on getting well and stop comparing myself to everyone else around me.  I'm going to stop feeling like no one understands how much pain I'm in daily and focus on what I can do to get better so I'm no longer in pain.

We all work hard and push our bodies in our quest to get stronger but what we forget sometimes is that what we do in the gym isn't what makes us stronger.  Its during the rest AFTER the hard work, that we become stronger.  If you are healthy and feeling invincible like I used to...work hard but don't forget to rest as well.  Stay hydrated, stretch, and get plenty of sleep.  Don't take your strength and health for granted.  If you are injured, take the time to heal.  Take the time to clean up your diet and spend the time you would spend in the gym doing things that will improve you in other ways!  It's important to work hard, but sometimes you have to REST if you want to be strong.

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Food is my drug

For many of us, it begins in childhood...maybe even as early as when we are toddlers.  When we are hurt or sad...disappointed or angry, we are taught that food...a treat...will make us feel better.  Time and time again we are taught that food makes everything better.  It's not like our parents sit us down and tell us that food will make us feel better.  We are slowly conditioned over time to learn this, and then it's reinforced over and over and over.  It was done to me, and I in turn did it to my children early on.  It wasn't conscious at the time but I think back and realize how natural it is to do this.

I remember when my oldest was 1 and I got her ears pierced.  She started to cry and what did I do?  I gave her a lollipop and it was like magic.  She became so fixated on the treat that she immediately stopped crying.  I was training her and me at the same time.  As I write this, I think back to how many times one of my kids has had a bad day and I ask them if they want to go for ice cream.  I don't ever think about it when I'm doing it.  I just think that as parents, many times we do what we know works and because our intention is never to harm...we don't think about the possible bad we could be doing.

I've never done an illegal drug in my life, but I know first hand what it feels like to be addicted.  It's something I've struggled with since adolescence.  Food has always been my drug.  When I'm sad, I eat.  When I'm stressed, I eat.  When I'm mad, I eat.  And you know what?  It really DOES make me feel better.  Just like any other drug, it numbs the pain and dissipates the frustration.  But just like any other drug, the effect is temporary.  And when it's effects wear off, the problem or stresses that created the need in the first place are still there and the desire for more grows.

A drug addict can stay away from situations and people that will tempt them or make it easy for them to use, but I can't avoid food.  It's around me every day and I need it to survive.  I've spent the better part of my life having a love/hate relationship with food.  It's my best friend and my worst enemy.  It wasn't until I hit a very low point in my life that I found an alternative.

I was raising 3 small children with a husband that worked long hours to provide well for us.  I spent many hours alone or with no adult companionship.  My whole life was about caring for others and I never made time for me and things were happening personally that left me feeling unloved and worthless.  Some days food was all I had to keep me company...to console me...to "love" me and make me feel better.  And just like any other drug, my addiction became worse until I could no longer control it and spiraled into a very deep depression...so deep it required an anti depressant.

As I started to feel better from the medication, I started to realize that food was not the answer.  I had been so depressed that I was physically fatigued and never worked out.  Once I started to get some relief from the symptoms of depression, I began working out.  I found a new "high" and a new way to live.  I began noticing that when my stress was building, a workout relieved the symptoms just life food had before...only I was not only making myself feel better, I was improving my appearance and health at the same time.  I found a sense of inner strength that I had lost when I let food and depression take over my life.

As hard as that time was, I wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world.  It made me who I am and taught me things I wouldn't have learned otherwise.  It helped me become a better parent and a more understanding person.  I still remember the day my daughter wanted to skip swim team practice because she was sad and had had a bad day.  I promised her that if she went and worked out as hard as she could, she would feel better.  She didn't believe me but went and came out smiling an hour later excited to tell me that I was right and she felt better.

Remember this.  Remember when you are sad or frustrated or stressed.  Avoid what comes natural or easy.  Don't console yourself with food.  Make yourself better.  Workout.  Think of it as a gift to yourself...time for just you to get away and make yourself feel better.  Food may be the most abused anxiety drug and exercise may be the most underutilized antidepressant, but it doesn't have to be that way.  You know better.  Now go do better and set an example for others as you do!

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Learning to be grateful...

 We all do it.  We take things for granted that we just assume will always be there.  I have.  I have many times...in many areas of my life.  I always appreciate things as I am working towards them, but then when I get to my destination...I suppose I become complacent.

I'm not an athletically talented person.  In fact, I'm a hot mess in the gym at times.  I'm clumsy and uncoordinated...inflexible and easily frustrated.  Every movement...every success I've had in the gym...comes solely from hard work and determination.  As a result, I have always been very excited and grateful when I first mastered each movement that is difficult for me.

It's been a while since I've had to learn new movements myself.  I spend my days teaching and correcting other people's movements.  I guess I began to take what I am able to do for granted.  I would do what we all do from time to time...whine about a workout or find excuses to skip.  I always knew that tomorrow was a new day and I could start fresh.  I never thought about the possibility that maybe some "tomorrow" would come where I was no longer physically able to do what I wanted, but unfortunately for me it did.  I broke my wrist in the gym and nothing there has been the same.

I remember lying in the emergency room alone the morning I drove myself there after falling in the gym.  I felt so frustrated and alone.  I wanted to cry but I was determined to remain as tough as possible in front of the doctor and nurses there.  I couldn't help but think, "Why me?  Haven't I had more than my fair share of struggles in the past year?!?", but we all know that kind of thinking doesn't accomplish anything worthwhile so I tried to quickly dismiss it and be as positive as possible.  It's a setback and I WILL heal, so I went forward committing to myself that I would do my best to continue to workout in whatever capacity I could.

In the weeks since it happened, I have continued to work out.  I have had to adjust and scale movements, but I'm still working hard.  I get funny looks when I go into a gym or run on a trail with a cast or now brace.  I worry a lot about where I will be and how much I might loose by the time I'm fully healed.

Everything has changed.  Things that use to be easy are hard.  I've had to learn to live with one hand to do the work of two.  The funny thing is that the harder I struggle...the more I appreciate the task.

I got an answer to the question I asked myself on the hospital bed that morning.  "Why me?"...because I needed to be reminded just how precious it is to be able to walk in a gym and pick up a barbell.  I needed to find the humility that I once had...many years ago when I myself was just learning.   I took my ability to do anything that I wanted to do in the gym for granted.

These days, I long to do things that I once did.  I watch people in the gym sweating and struggling with barbells and I can hardly stand it, because I want to do the same.  My wrist may be broken, but my spirit is unbroken.  I hate being hurt.  I hate being held back.  I hate the pain and fear of the unknown, but I'm grateful in some strange way.

I'm grateful because my perspective is forever changed.  I now know that working out is not a chore or a burden.  Working out is a privilege and that is how we should treat it.

Start today!

 A year from now...you'll wish you started TODAY! Stop waiting. Stop making excuses. Stop focusing on how long it will take and get started! It took me almost exactly a year to lose all my weight and get my body where I wanted it. It wasn't fast or easy, but it was worth it. The time will pass anyways so why not have something to show for it in the end!

 





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WILL AND DESIRE

"The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence." ~Confucius

You can always try to be a little better, but are you working towards your true potential? Do you push yourself? Are you constantly giving your all? Be honest with yourself. Take a moment to ask these questions and assess where you're at. Find that will and desire within yourself and reach your full potential!

 


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Are you in your prime?

 Reasons To Be Fit #156..."because this should be your prime."

You don't have to be in your 20s to be in your prime. You don't have to have a weight loss story to be a success. No one has to know who you are for you to be an example. Ask yourself, "Am I in my prime?"  If not...why?  If not...make right now your prime. Make RIGHT NOW the happiest, healthiest time you could ever imagine!

 



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STRONG LOLA

Failure is not fatal.

“Failure is not fatal. Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. It should challenge us to new heights of accomplishments, not pull us to new depths of despair. From honest failure can come valuable experience.” ~William Arthur Ward

Don't allow failure to be the death of your dreams. Use your failures to become the birth of a new way of thinking and being. Cherish the opportunity to try again...to learn more about yourself...and to become stronger in the process! 

 
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KEEP LOOKING

 

 A link below to my newest blogpost on my STRONG LOLA® blog!  Go read it!







http://www.stronglola.blogspot.com/2013/03/keep-looking.html

"You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore"

Sundays are my days to lie in bed and think when I first wake up.  I like to reflect and have honest "conversations" with myself in my head.  Here's what I'm thinking today...

I used to avoid anything that I couldn't do well.  Everything was about perfection.  When scary things or situations would come up...I would run away.  I was always living up to this image of myself I had created.  I think we all do to a certain extent.  That gets old, because it's a lot of work.  I'm ready to tow the line.  I'm ready to face my fears...to open myself up...to take more chances.  I am lots of things, but I'm ready to add BRAVE to that list...and not in a tough, fake confidence, "call my bluff" kind of way.  I wanna become brave in the most honest, true sense.

  My kids love the movie "School Of Rock" and one of the lines that we quote quite often is, "You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore".  We laugh about it, but it's a true statement.  If we say we want to be strong...we need to live that way.  Being strong...being brave...is not just about being that way in situations that we feel confident in.  It's not about picking and choosing workouts that we know we can do well.  It's not about avoiding situations that challenge us or people that COULD hurt us.  You can lift heavy weight.  You can run fast and talk smack, but it doesn't make you a STRONG person.

Bravery and strength sometimes come at the expense of our pride.  We will get hurt.  We will fail.  Some of the most successful, strong people have failed the most...have been knocked down...have faced difficult situations that would've been easier to just avoid.  Some of the most respected people have been laughed at or looked like fools in their quest to become something great.  If they had run away or given up...if they hadn't been brave...they may never have met their potential.

Stop avoiding the area of the gym where all the heavy weights and "STRONG people" are because you don't feel worthy or you're afraid of looking weak and foolish.  Stop closing yourself off from people and opportunities because you are afraid that you will fail or get hurt.  Stop building walls to protect yourself.  Those walls might protect you, but they also close you in...alone...with no space to grow.  When you feel afraid..don't run away.  Embrace it.  Live in it.  Use it as an opportunity to become brave and strong.  WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL AFRAID, THAT'S WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU A CHANCE TO BE BRAVE.

Lazy me-0 Trainer me-1

It's funny how even those of us that work in the fitness industry and motivate people for a living are more like the people that we train than you would ever believe.  Well...I guess I won't speak for EVERYONE in the fitness industry, but I will speak for myself.  Some days it's agonizingly hard to "practice what I preach."  At times, I find myself making excuses that I would ordinarily call "bulls***" on if anyone else were to try and use them.  I like food...especially sweets and fried foods.  Sometimes I wanna skip the gym or do the bare minimum.  I justify my choices and console myself with excuses.  It's easy to tell people what to do, but doing it yourself is a whole 'nother thing!

Today was my first day to workout after WEEKS of being sick!  It started out as me being miserable and legitimately not wanting to get other people sick and wanting to get better by resting.  The problem was that this crap has hung on and I never got better.  After a couple of days on antibiotics, I knew that I needed to jump back in today...and I did.  I did a hard workout and although it was a struggle...I finished and felt good.  I left the gym covered in chalk and glad that I did not put off getting back into it another day.  I was going to drive my daughter to school then "finish" my workout with some extra cardio.  Once I got in my car and left, I started to think..."Wow!  I'm so glad I worked out!  I was planning to go do more cardio afterwards, but maybe what I already did was enough...I mean I HAVE been sick and I AM trying to get better."  So I decided to just go tan then go home after, shower, and be "done" for the day.  I felt completely justified in this decision making.  I mean was being "smart"...right?  Or was I just being lazy?

As I drove, the trainer in me came out and the conversation went something like this in my head...

TRAINER ME:  "Are you kidding me?!?  You can't go do that extra 30-45 minutes?  You complain that you aren't happy with your body and then you slack like this?!?!"

LAZY ME:  "But I worked out for 45 minutes!  And I have been so sick!  Isn't that a good "start"...just for today?!?  I'll do more tomorrow and more the next day.  I should take it easy."

TRAINER ME:   "TAKE IT EASY?!?!  Taking it easy isn't going to change you!  Taking it easy will keep you right where you are!  Do you like where you are?"

LAZY ME:  "No."

TRAINER ME:  "Then, make this turn...drive home...eat a good healthy breakfast to fuel up...and go FINISH what you started!"

I know I'm not alone.  I know there's so many people that struggle each day for various reasons with both eating healthy and working out.  Truth is...it's hard and it's not usually convenient, but it's worth it.  Learning to conquer yourself and overcome bad habits leads to better health and long lasting happiness.  Start asking yourself tough questions.

Would you be proud to publish your food diary?  Are you even writing down everything you eat or do you skip writing down the nibbles here and there of crap?  Did you give all you had to your workout or did you sandbag it and rationalize your decision to do so?  Would you be proud to post your workout on a fitness page? 

Lose the excuses and be real with yourself!  Answer these questions honestly and correct the areas that need correcting.  The beauty of all this is that it's never too late!  As long as you are breathing...as long as you are alive another day...you can change and do better!  I'm glad I didn't stop and buy a donut for breakfast.  I'm glad that I am going to publish this, get in my car, and finish what I started this morning.  Don't cheat yourself anymore!  Go that extra mile and start achieving your goals.  Lose the excuses and enjoy the feeling of pride that comes when you have truly given your all!  Don't just talk the talk or pin fitness pictures on your Pinterest boards.  Go DO those things yourself!  Be willing to back your words up with ACTION and you will amaze yourself with your progress!

I'M NOT GONNA THROW IN THE TOWEL!

I was always "regular."  I yo-yoed...did nothing but cardio...and was resigned to the fact that I would never look anything but average at best.  Then I got fat...did nothing...was depressed...got tired of it...discovered lifting weights...worked hard...and got a better body than I ever imagined.  For a long time it was sort of easy for me.  My life was easy.  I had a nanny and a housekeeper.  I didn't work and I was obsessed with working out.  I had built my physical capacity to a point that things that are very hard for most people seemed not too bad to me.  Then my life changed.  I've been struggling to save a 21 year marriage and eventually going through a divorce for 2 years. 

The toll it's taken on me physically and mentally has been great.  Now everything feels hard.  I no longer feel like an invincible Wonder Woman when I hit the gym.  I no longer want to be there for 2 hours.  My once loose-ish (yet tight in the right places) yoga pants are tight in all the WRONG places.  The good news is that I'm starting to go in to the "recovery phase" finally.  I no longer cry everyday in private.  I wake up with hope, and I KNOW I will be okay.

The hard part is that it's hard to let yourself slide backwards.  When I was obese, I was super motivated to get in the gym.  Now, it's hard.  I feel weaker and my body is not the same, but I still look good and everyone thinks I'm crazy because I'm still fit. 

Yesterday I did nothing but eat crap...all day.  I felt like a bottomless pit of hunger.  No matter what I did I never felt full.  To top it off, I was busy and never worked out.  So by the end of the day when my kids went to dinner with their Dad and I was alone, I made a choice...a bad choice.  I should've gone to the gym to "work off" the loneliness and frustration and then eaten a good meal to FUEL my body and help it recover.  Instead I talked on the phone, went to the mall and justified it by buying one Christmas present for my daughter.  Then, I ordered pizza and stuffed myself at home. 

You are probably either A.  Disgusted with me and wondering how I could ever pretend to motivate anyone else  B.  Surprised   C.  Thinking, "Are we the same person?  I've done the same thing!"  or D.  Wondering if I will have the strength to come out of this funk I've fallen into.  So I got up this morning with my stomach growling and making ATROCIOUS noises...a weird, gross reminder of the crap I piled in it last night before I fell asleep in my makeup on top my bed, and I thought to myself..."Is this it?!?  Am I going to give up?  Am I going to say, 'Oh well...I still look good and I'm fit.  I don't need to get back to where I was again.' and continue to lie to myself and comfort myself with food?  Or am I gonna start all over again...on a Thursday...not a Monday...not on New Years Day...today!?!?"

I talk a lot about starting over.  In fact, I wonder if people ever think "There she goes again...whining and saying she's gonna hit the "reset" button!"  I'm not a paid model or fitness professional.  I'm a normal girl that grew up in Texas thinking if it wasn't fried, it wasn't worth eating and comforted myself with sweets when there was no adults to reassure me or comfort me with a hug.  I've worked hard to overcome those habits, but at times they creep back in because I'm human.  So the the fact is this...I AM starting over...AGAIN.  And I will continue to start over as many times as I need to because I am stronger than any obstacle or setback or sadness or disappointment that I may face in my life!  I'm not gonna use towels to wipe tears and I'm sure as hell not gonna throw in the proverbial towel!  I'm gonna fight...not for you this time, but for ME.  I'm gonna use the towel to wipe away my sweat and prove to MYSELF that I CAN come out the other side of what could be described as a tragedy BETTER!  My hope is that anyone else injured or struggling or just feeling lazy will join me and make today the first day of your COMEBACK!

Out of the mouths of babes...

I woke up feeling really empty this morning.  I know...GREAT way to begin a post on what is supposed to be a motivational blog.  Sorry...I always speak the truth...pretty or not...happy or sad...strong or weak.  As I snoozed my alarm 3 times and drifted in and out of sleep, all I could think was "I just don't want to get out of bed today."  I wished I could have a remote control with a pause...or better yet, a fast forward button on it.  I finally stumbled out of bed feeling really alone and went to work.  I put on a smile and welcomed the 2 guys in the gym at 6AM, but behind that smile I felt an overwhelming sense of loss and loneliness.  My mind would wander as I thought about all the things I wish I had until I would bring myself back and continue to coach the guys. 

 I got done and drove home hoping my kids got up to their alarms and were ready for school.  As he always is, my 10 year old son Jake was up and ready for the day...sitting at the computer (where he can USUALLY be found).  I sat next to him while I ate an unhealthy breakfast that I knew would make me feel worse and started engaging in small talk.  The conversation turned to our birthdays.  Me and Jake share the same birthday and it's coming up on Sunday so I started asking him to make me a birthday list so I can shop for him.  He smiled...eyes still on the computer...and said, "I just don't know Mom!  I can't think of anything.  I mean I have everything I want."  I laughed and said, "Oh!  It must be nice to be the man that has EVERYTHING!"  He turned from the computer and our brown eyes met and then he said something that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since.  "No Mom.  What I mean is that I guess I just feel so thankful for everything I have that it's hard to think about asking for anything else."

Wow.  Everything I thought...everything I've felt over the past several days...began to crowd my mind as I hugged him tight...wondering what I ever did to deserve such a sweet boy.  In the 2 hours since that conversation, I've done a lot of thinking and many things have come into perspective for me.

In the fitness industry, there's so much focus on change and improvement.  We always want to be better.  Even for people in the best of shape, it seems that it's never enough.  In fact, I think that sometimes the better shape we are in, the harder it is to be satisfied.  It's always all about getting a little leaner or a little more cut.  It's about eating cleaner, becoming a little faster or stronger, and building more muscle.  We are always striving towards more...and that's not a bad thing...but I wonder if we've lost the ability to be grateful in our quest to be better. 

  I think it's good to want more, but not at the expense of our happiness and our ability to be proud of how far we've come.  Sure, I've faced some serious setbacks and sadness in my personal life over the past year...things that anyone would agree are very hard to deal with.  Some might even say I've earned the right to have a pity party or two.  But at the same time, I woke up in a super comfortable bed this morning.  The temperature in my room was perfect.  I put my feet down on brand new carpet, and walked my very fit, very healthy body into a closet overflowing with clothes to get dressed for work.  I drove away in a new car from a lovely home filled with kids that are smart and healthy and amazing...kids that I love and that love me right back.  I went to work at a job that I love...where I have the ability to work with people that I really like...and I get to help them and see them improve. Yet all I could think about was what I don't have.  How silly.   How weak.  How wrong. 

Goals are important and we should all be striving towards being better every day, but don't become so wrapped up in what you want that you stop appreciating what you HAVE.  When you take the time to journal what you ate or write down what you did in the gym each day, make note of something that you are thankful for as well.  I have goals...goals to lean up...goals to get faster and put on some more muscle, but my new goal is to be able to say, "I just feel so thankful for everything I have that it's hard to think about asking for anything else."

A strong will and faith to match

9 years ago when I weighed 200 lbs, if someone had told me that I would be sitting here typing these words today...I would have laughed.  I was very unhappy and felt very defeated.  It wasn't until I made a decision to stop doubting myself and started working really hard towards a goal that my life and body began to change.  It was a very slow process, but I was successful! 

The hard part is that the struggle is not over once we meet a goal or lose all the weight.  It is a never ending battle.  You have to commit and recommit over and over, and you have to be willing to make your health a way of life.  Most importantly, you can never lose faith in yourself and your ability to change and be fit!  We all have times where we slide back into old habits or start to feel discouraged.  Don't let that stop you, or worse drag you back down to where you once were! 


The only thing between you and what you want in life is your will to try and faith to believe it's possible...because it IS possible to change!  It doesn't matter whether you have "bad genetics" or kids or you're busy or getting older.  Let motivational pics inspire you, but never try to look like anyone else.  Set goals and work towards improving YOURSELF and becoming the best possible version of YOU!  No matter what...if you have the will to change and be better...you CAN achieve your goals with hard work and belief in yourself!  I did, and so can you!

Confidence is sexy

I remember a conversation in the gym several months ago.  We were talking about all the things women do to look better and younger and one guy said, "Who cares about a few wrinkles?!?  Confidence is way sexier than having no wrinkles!"  We all laughed and most of the guys agreed.  I remember thinking that it was an interesting perspective.

When I was getting my hair done all day Sunday, I saw this article above and I had to snap a picture with my phone because it took me back to that day in the gym.  The whole thing was about how men would rather be with a larger, less pretty girl that is confident and happy than a thin, beautiful, insecure woman.  78%!  That's a big number...more than 3/4 of men.  Now, I will say this..."plus sized" is a loose term so I don't wanna debate THAT...but the point remains.  Men prefer confidence over perfection.

This should be an eye opener to all us women!  Maybe we should stop obsessing over the outside and pay a little closer attention to the inside.  I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't try to look our best.  But I am suggesting that if the outside looks good, but we have nothing else to offer...we may find ourselves alone and seriously unhappy.

The next time you look in the mirror and you want to pick yourself apart...the next time you think that you are alone or unhappy because you are not thin enough...the next time you feel the need to complain about what is wrong with you...think about this poll.  I personally believe we should all always be working to improve ourselves (men included), but not at the expense of our sanity or health.  Don't starve to look like a supermodel.  Work hard in the gym and eat a balanced healthy diet.  Don't spend all your time obsessing over your flaws.  Take time to learn new things and become more interesting.  Don't spend your time telling other people what is wrong with you or what you would like to change.  Work on yourself from the inside out in private and learn more about other people rather than telling them about your flaws and insecurities.

Bottom line...if you want people to be attracted to you...whether it's romantically or as a friend...what's on the inside matters way more than what's on the outside.  We will all get older, and eventually gravity will take it's toll.  Work on building things that are lasting.  Be strong and healthy.  Be well rounded and happy.  Most of all, learn to like yourself so that you can exude confidence...because strength and confidence are WAY sexier than skinny and insecure!

...Labels...

Are YOU guilty of this?  Do you quietly judge and label people?  We all know that "you can't judge a book by it's cover", yet we still do it.  We've all probably been misjudged at one time or another ourselves and felt the sting, disappointment, and frustration that goes along with that, yet we do it to others.  We think that our own experiences make us experts on how people are and how things should be.  And when we do this...we are WRONG.

Don't assume people that are overweight are lazy.  Don't assume that people that are thin are full of themselves.  Don't assume that fat people are miserable and skinny people are happy.  Don't confuse the size of clothing that someone may wear with their level of confidence.  Don't think that because a woman is thin and beautiful that there's not more substance to her.  Don't label a woman that may not be as classicly beautiful and thin as being insecure or careless about her appearance.

Simply put, we are all different.  I have long blonde hair and big boobs.  I wear a bikini to the beach and I have nice things.  That doesn't make me any worse than anyone else.  Nor does it make people that choose to wear no makeup or cover up a little more better.  From afar, people could make many judgements...and have.  I've been told my whole life that people think I'm stuck up when they first see me.  I've been called bitchy because of the car I drive.  I've been called skinny on days that I looked in the mirror and felt fat.  I have faked confidence at times when I have felt scared and insecure.  People that stick around and don't hold on to labels see past the outside and realize that their original judgements are usually incorrect.

I feel blessed to have had the experience of being overweight.  I've literally lived life on both sides of the spectrum.  It creates an awareness in me that not everyone gets to experience.  I know firsthand that being overweight does NOT mean you are lazy or don't care about how you look.  It doesn't mean that you are passive.  I've been very thin...much thinner than I am now...and so I also know firsthand that being thin is not an automatic ticket to happiness and confidence.  Being thin does NOT mean that you don't eat or that you think you are better than others or that you are bitchy and superficial.

We need to stop taking sides.  There's no "us against them"...no fat vs skinny!  We are all people and that has NOTHING to do with size either way.  We need to throw away the labels and misconceptions.  We need to realize that many times our judgements come from a place of insecurity within ourselves.  The next time you see someone different than you, lose the urge to label them and be strong and secure enough in yourself to get to know them first.