...mUscLeS wOrK miRacLeS...

I believe in miracles. Miracles come in all shapes and sizes and they manifest themselves in many different ways. Some miracles save a person's life...or help the blind see. Some miracles simply make life a little easier...and some rid the body and mind of the sickness inside. Some miracles fix problems that once seemed unfixable...and some make things that seemed impossible happen before our eyes...the same eyes that once could not see.

I've experienced a few miracles in my life. I consider my three children amongst the best of those. They are not little anymore so I don't hold them like I did when they were small...especially not my oldest. She's 15. Need I say more? So last night...as I cradled her in my arms and literally held her as she cried...my heart broke for her but I was also grateful that I had the physical strength to hold someone that is almost my same size.The crazy part was that she didn't pull away after a few moments. She melted into my arms and just let me love her. At one point, as I talked to her and felt her wet tears on my shoulder, she said, "You feel so strong. Thanks Mom. I needed that." A little stunned, I thought, "Wow...this is truly a miracle." Savy normally acts like she doesn't need me, but tonight she did need me...and she admitted it...and I was able to give her what she needed...strong shoulders to cry on, strong arms to hold her up with, and the mental strength to hold it together and let it be about HER even though I wanted to cry myself.

I have a shirt that says "Muscles work miracles" and I believe that they do. Actually, I know they do, because my life has changed significantly over the years as I've spent time in the gym becoming strong. MY muscles have saved my life in a sense. Before I became strong, I was not living. In a sense, I was dead inside...merely existing. My muscles healed me. My profound sadness and depression went away. Where I was once hopeless...blind in a sense, I now see endless possibility. My muscles have transformed my body and given me a mental toughness and a confidence that was not there before.Last night I witnessed yet another miracle thanks to my muscles. My muscles gave me the strength and ability to help heal my daughter's broken heart...to hold her up when she was too weak to stand on her own. Thankful does not even begin to describe the way I felt as she wiped her tears, thanked me, and stood to walk away. Muscles make us look good, but they can also serve a far greater purpose. Muscles CAN work miracles.

~Marsha

...if you want a "Muscles work miracles" tank...go to www.strongisthenewskinny.spreadshirt.com

...iF yOu bUiLd iT, tHeY wiLL cOmE...

This morning I went in to the gym to cover the 9AM class. Anyone that knows me, knows that I talk...A LOT...sometimes too much. Not much shuts me up, and when I am very quiet...it's a clue that something is wrong. So in my usually chatty way, I was talking with the two people that were in there training. I was saying how I'm sore, because I started a new program and yesterday was a "heavy lifting day" of Back Squats, Press, and Power Cleans. They asked a few questions about what I'm doing and I told them what my plan is. I also explained that I am doing things differently. Yes, I have yet another NEW plan...different from the last new plan...but the thing that is MOST different, is that I am NOT changing it again!
I was telling them that I was going to treat MYSELF more like I would treat a client that I am training, because so many times I do things that I would never tell them to do. I was also telling them...but really reminding MYSELF...that it takes time to SEE results and that just because you work hard for 3 or 4 weeks and don't magically transform into something else, it doesn't mean what you're doing isn't working or won't work in the future. It takes time.
I thought about this as I ran after wards. I thought about what my Mom and Dad always told us growing up..."Your body is a temple. Take care of it accordingly."...and it made me think that building a house is similar to building muscle and gaining strength in some ways. Houses are not built in a day. Architects draw up plans. Many different contractors come and do their job one by one. The pipes are layed and the foundation is poured. Once it is ready, the frame starts to go up. Piece by piece...day by day...a patch of dirt becomes a home with a yard...but it doesn't happen overnight or in a few weeks. It takes months of hard work. You don't give up and start over after a few weeks because a perfect house does not suddenly appear. If so, you'd never have a finished house.
Everyone knows the famous line from "Field Of Dreams"..."If you build it, they will come." People didn't show up to the farm the first day they started building. I remember when we were building our house. At times, it seemed that things progressed so fast, and other times it was a painfully slow process. Eventually, we got what we wanted...a finished home that we could live in and enjoy. And it is the same in the gym. Sometimes we see quick or major progress...and sometimes we suffer setbacks or don't see results as quickly as we would like...but the only way to get the body you want, is to keep working. You have to create a solid foundation and build up from there. If you work hard and don't give up...if you build upon what you have...eventually, the muscles...the results...will come.

~Marsha

...nO cRyBaBiEs aLLoWeD...

"Chicken pox!!!"...that's the text I got from my almost 12 year old daughter this morning. Mystery solved. We now know what the crazy rash she's had for 2 days is...

I've had chicken pox. I'm not scared of getting them, but that was NOT what I wanted to hear. My child having chicken pox is not enough to bring me to tears, but it was just another drop in the bucket...the drop that made the bucket overflow. I crumbled and called my lil sis. I sobbed and told her all the things that are bothering me. She listened and comforted me. I whined and cried for quite some time.

In my defense, I have had...and still have...some seriously upsetting things going on in my life...things that won't be resolved in a day or week or even a month...things that can take even the strongest person down. I don't cry all that often, but the past 2 weeks it seems that's what I've spent a good part of my life doing. This is something I hate to admit because it screams weakness rather than strength to me.Everything I write...all the feelings that I share...are real. They are personal. They are mine. I was embarrassed to share this because as I said before, it doesn't seem very strong or motivational. And after all, that IS the point of this blog...right? However...as I thought more about it...I realized through my tears that I'm stronger than I think I am. It takes strength to admit you need help. It takes strength to let people see your weaknesses. And it takes strength to wipe away the tears and DO something.

There's a quote that says, "If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have time to do something about it." Whether it's the disappointment of failure in the gym or a sick child or a broken relationship or an injury or the loss of a job...whether it's in or out of the gym...whether it's in your control to "fix" or not...we can always do SOMETHING about the things that weigh us down...because at the very least, we can do something about our reaction to those things.

I've always found it interesting to watch people go for their one rep max in the gym. I think the way they react says a lot about them. Some people think that a weight is too hard for them, when I can clearly see it is not hard at all. Some people give up the second the weight stops moving, while others hold on just a few more seconds and fight to get the weight up. It's not that one person is always stronger than the other. It's about not giving up when the going gets tough. It's about finding the resolve from within to push back against the things that push against you. It's about knowing that if you hold on for just another minute and take a minute to rest and breath...you WILL make through. It's also about being humble enough to ask for help when your load becomes to much to bear.

It's time to stop crying. It's time to keep pushing when I'd rather just let go. It's time to rely on the people that are right here...ready and willing to help me when it gets too heavy. I'm ready to stop being a crybaby and start doing something.

~Marsha

aRe yOu aLiVe?

When most of us think of Frankenstein, we think of a big guy with a square head and pegs in his neck lumbering around with his arms in front of him. I bet most people have never read the book or even seen the 1930s original black and white movie in its entirety. Most of us just see Frankenstein as a character...a Halloween costume. Although, most everyone is familiar with the scene where the hand begins to move, and Dr. Frankenstein yells, "It's alive! It's alive!", I don't think most people remember how Frankenstein was brought to life. Dr. Frankenstein created a man made from bodies that he took from graves and he discovered and recreated a ray of light that he believed was "the great ray of light that first brought life into the world". One of the witnesses he brings to his lab is Dr. Waldman. He is skeptical, logical, and sane...unlike Dr. Frankenstein. As Dr Frankenstein is explaining how he will turn the ray onto the body and bring it to life, Dr. Waldman says, "...You really believe that you can bring life to the dead?" Dr. Frankenstein's responds, "That body is not dead. It has never lived. I created it. I made it with my own hands from the bodies I took from graves...from the gallows...anywhere."You may be wondering why on earth I am giving a short recap of how Frankenstein was brought to life. I'll tell you. I didn't have time to put my tennis shoes on before taking the kids to school, so I threw on flip flops. Instead of being able to drive straight to the gym afterwards, I had to come back by the house. I sat down on the chair at my desk in the bedroom to put on socks. It's been very sunny and warm over the past several days, but today it's overcast and it feels a little chilly to me. It's kind of dark in my room and I thought to myself, "I wish the sun were out. I'm cold and I don't feel very alive at this moment." This thought reminded me of the scene in Frankenstein that I described and it got me thinking about what it is that makes me feel alive.

There have been times in my life where I did not feel alive...times where no matter how many people surrounded me, I felt alone...and times where no matter how warm it was, I felt cold inside. Those times come and go for all of us I think, but it was especially that way for me when I was overweight and depressed. I feel like the old me died seven years ago when I started my journey and a new me was created. It wasn't just bringing a body back to life like Dr. Waldman suggested. It was more like Dr. Frankenstein. I had to rebuild a new me from many different parts...some that were mine only refurbished...and some from other people along the way.I think some people think that I am crazy at times. A lot do not understand. They stand back and wonder why I do the things I do...why I don't "act my age". What they don't realize is that even though I'm 41 years old, I've only been really living for a short time. Becoming strong has given me a sureness that I never had before. Changing my body has created a confidence that did not exist. Facing my fears has taught me courage and given me the ability to make lasting changes.

Even if you are not overweight...even if you have a great life...are you really living it to the fullest? Do you feel alive? Do you rely on other people to validate you? Do the clouds take away your happiness and warmth?

I realize now that I don't need the sun to feel alive. Everything I need is in me...all the time...every day. I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to push myself to the limit. I'm going to struggle and sweat. In the end, I will most likely end up lying on the floor, out of breath, looking lifeless...but I will be anything but lifeless. My hand will start to move and then I'll be up off the floor...glad that I did what it takes to keep me feeling alive. If you don't feel alive...if you're not really living...don't waste another moment! Make the changes you need to and start living...today.

~Marsha

...aTTiTuDe...

"The training we do is the consequence of an attitude. The attitude is the meaningful fundamental; without it no benefits may be realized. You must want (or need) to be where you are, doing what you are doing. If you can't pay attention or if you don't want to work hard, don't bother showing up to go through the motions. Nothing is gained by doing one thing with your body and another with your mind." ~Mark Twight

As I walked out of the movies by myself yesterday, I had two thoughts. My first thought was that I needed to get to the gym and workout before dinner. My second thought...the thought that prevailed...was that I had never felt so alone in my whole life. I thought about what a crazy world it is that a girl can have over 500 Facebook friends...some "virtual friends" and many "real life friends"...and have to go to a movie all alone. It's funny, because when I decided to go to the movie even though my sister didn't want to, I really felt okay with it. But as the movie went on, I felt myself sinking into a sadder and sadder place, which was bizarre being that I was in a movie that made me laugh many times.

My plan was to leave the movies and go straight to the gym. I had been busy with kids and orthodontists office all morning followed by lunch with my sister, so I never made it to the gym early. I was still determined to get a good workout in...just later in the day. I didn't walk out with my normal fast paced, determined walk. I ambled out...feeling invisible and tired...not the best way to get pumped up for an intense workout.I wish I could say that I sucked it up...that I had an epiphany and got to the gym and worked hard and felt better...but I'd be lying if I did. I ended up shopping...my drug of choice...and then decided to head home and cook...which is crazy...because I hate to cook and hardly ever do.

I keep a collection of quotes on one of my bathroom mirrors by Mark Twight...my workout hero. I thought about the quote above. I knew that I would not...could not...give what I needed to make a workout worthwhile for me, because in the simplest of terms...my attitude SUCKED. I was going to try and make my body do what my mind didn't want. I could've done "something"...but doing just "something"...isn't enough for me. I want to push my body and soul to their limits and I knew that wasn't happening and that I was not going to gain much by putting on a cute workout outfit and simply "going through the motions".Maybe I shouldn't admit these things. I've always felt like my "job" in life is to be perfect. I feel that my "job"...my purpose if you will...is to encourage and inspire. I know that being an example...practicing what you preach...is the best way to do this. I try not to be negative and certainly NEVER want anyone to feel sorry for me, so when I felt the desire to write this morning...I had NO clue what I could possibly say. I had nothin funny or inspirational in me.

My house is getting cleaned and I can hear the vacuum going outside my bedroom. It made me think of something that my Mom has said before. My Mom is a housekeeper and one thing she has always said, is that no matter whose house she cleans, she's found that people are the same/different. She always says that even though people have different amounts of money or hobbies or decorating styles, there are things that all people feel/experience/do similarly. So...while many of you that read this are much more disciplined and perhaps a little more emotionally stable than me may not benefit from my words...I'm writing this for those of us that struggle from time to time...those of us that let our hearts mess with our heads.Sometimes, life gets you down...people disappoint you...hearts get broken...things don't workout the way we want. Sometimes, we have the best of intentions at the beginning of the day and by the end...things have fallen apart. What I want to say, is this: it's okay. It's okay that I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. It's okay to have an off day. It's okay for me not to be perfect. What's NOT okay, is for me to wallow in the way I felt and skip the gym today and tomorrow and the next day. If you wanna fall apart...fall apart...then pick yourself up, put yourself back together, stop whining, and do what you need to do to fix your attitude. Change it from bad to good.

A good attitude doesn't mean you skip through fields of flowers giggling. A good attitude doesn't mean you are always happy. A good attitude means learning to use whatever you are feeling as inspiration rather than an excuse. Mark Twight says,

"A "good" attitude allows and spurs the athlete to conceive and achieve a goal. Such a psychological state does not have to be positive or balanced; personal torment has inspired great efforts. Confusion and questioning, anger and doubt may be fountains of creativity and initiative. What an individula finds dissatisfactory about him or herself is often a bridge to something greater. When combined with the self-discipline required to maintain momentum...any motivating state of mind can produce an astounding work of art and action."I didn't miraculously wake up this morning feeling like I don't have a problem in the world. The same crap that bothered me yesterday still bothers me at this very moment. It's what I'm doing with those feelings that is different. I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to use all the things that are bothering me to motivate me. I'm going to prove everyone wrong that ever thought I wasn't capable. I'm going to make anyone that ever called me ugly in junior high or fat after I had kids eat their words. But most of all, I am going to remind MYSELF that I am strong and that I can take on anything that life throws my way.

Today...my bad attitude is good.

~Marsha

...if yOu KeeP dOiN wHaT yOu'Ve aLwaYs dOnE..yOu'LL KeeP gEttiN wHaT yOu aLwaYs gOt...

I grew up in the south. I was born and raised in Texas. Now I know that TRUE southerners...people from Georgia lets just say for example's sake...will tell you that anything west of the Mississippi is NOT the south...it is the west or southwest. That's okay with me, because in all reality, Texas is like it's own little country...different than anyplace else. One thing about native Texans is that we love to make comparisons when we speak so there are lots of sayings that I heard my whole life...some are funny and some are just gross...but they all bring a smile to my face. Growing up, my Mom would ALWAYS say, "I'm as full as a tick." after she would eat too much. If we got cut, it was not uncommon to hear, "She's bleedin like a stuck pig!". There's so many more I could recite, but you get the picture.

One thing my mama has ALWAYS said to us is, "If you keep doing what you've always done...you'll keep gettin what you always got!" She always used this in reference to making the same bad choices over and over, but over the past week or so....this has been taking on a different meaning for me. I've thought to myself. "Maybe this is not always a bad thing..."

I was feeling frustrated with myself...lost...not as happy with my body as I have been in the past. At first, I felt sorry for myself and threw a pity party for one...but anyone who knows me, knows I don't like to be alone so that didn't last long. Next I tried to make excuses...like the always favorite, "Maybe I have a thyroid problem."...but finally...in the end, I decided to take responsibility.I decided that rather than try and figure out what it is that I've been doing wrong...I would think about what it is that I did right when I was happier with my body and then GO BACK to doing that. It seemed more positive to me. Instead of obsessing about taking things away or beating myself up, I would focus on the good...knowing that if I did it before, I could do it again. This morning, the 9am class at the gym asked if I was going to be doing the workout of the day with them today. I sd "No. I'm doing a workout out of my old book of workouts. I'm going back to doing things the way I use to do them so I can look like I use to look." and it made me think of my mama's saying...only this time...with a different twist.

Of course we have to change things up to keep progressing, but maybe what we need sometimes is to go back to the tried and true...to stop trying to complicate things and just get back to the basics. That's what I've done..and it's killin me...and I'm happier. For now...I'm going back to doin what I've always done, so I can get what I use to have! (Thanks Mom!)

Today's workout:

100 OH LUNGEs

100 MEDICINE BALL SLAMs

100 PUSHUPs

100 RING ROWs

100 OH LUNGEs

(followed by 30 min on the elliptical doing hills)

~Marsha

...tHiS oNe'S fOr tHe GiRLs...

I posted this on the "Strong Is The New Skinny" Facebook page, but I wanted to share it here too! We may not all be part of a team...or set world records...or have natural talent...or even have a trainer, but EVERYONE has an athlete hidden somewhere inside. Find what you love and be the best YOU can be at it. Find your inner athlete. Be strong.

"I am a female athlete. I have dreams. I have been told I was not good enough. I have faced discrimination...but I have overcome the odds. I am STRONG. I am focused. I never give up...and I will do anything to win. I am proud of who I am. So next time someone says "You play like a girl!"...consider it a compliment!"

~Marsha

...tiMe tO mAkE LiKe a tAmaGoTcHi aNd pUsH tHe "rEsEt" bUttOn...

My kids are all getting older. The days of diaper changes and Fisher Price toys are LONG gone. The days of going to story time at the local library EVERY Wednesday and wiping snotty noses are a distant memory. I have a huge walk in toy closet in my game room with so many toys that need to be donated...HUNDREDS of stuffed animals and lots of Barbies and Matchbox cars...toys that have not been touched in years. However, there is one little electric "toy" that still gets played with around here. In fact, I refereed a fight between an almost 15 year old and a 9 yr old this past Sunday over this toy...this ANNOYING, time consuming, beeping toy...the Tamagotchi.

My kids found some old Tamagotchis and replaced the batteries over Christmas break. I listen to endless jabber over how old they are and how much they weigh. I listen to Sydney give advice to Jake about what to feed his so it won't be obese. But mostly...what I hear...are BEEPS! When they need to eat, they beep. When they are sad, they beep. When they poop, they beep. When they are sick, they beep. Even when they die...THEY BEEP. I'm learning to tune it out, because unfortunately they are not getting bored with them. In fact, they are learning ways to keep them alive longer. They "pause" them because they use to die while they were at school. I use to wish they would die, but the problem is...when they die...all you have to do is push the "reset" button and out pops an egg...and a brand new chance to create a better Tamagotchi. No matter how many times you screw up...whether yours is fat or mean or eventually dies...you always have another chance as long as you have a battery.After I took kids to school this morning, I was walking through my living room in Pjs, an Under Armour jacket, and Uggs (I know...not a sexy visual). I was thinking about the things I want to change...things that I'm not happy with. I've been on autopilot for quite a while. I lost weight...I had a system...and I didn't really THINK much about what I did...I just did it. I've felt a bit lost which sounds dumb because this is what I do...but when it comes to yourself, it's different. As I got closer to my bedroom, I heard one of those stinkin Tamagotchis beep...not the hungry beep...the death beep...and I figured out EXACTLY what I need to do.

We all get stuck from time to time. We go through the motions and end up in a rut. We make mistakes and get off track. Sometimes we veer so far off track that we end up on a path we didn't intend to go down. It's natural to give up or make excuses. It's easy to sit around and wish we had done differently...or blame other people...or wish for an imaginary "reset" button for our lives. But here's the thing...it's NOT imaginary. We all have a reset button and just like that Tamagotchi...we can start over too. The Tamagotchi does not start over as a perfect "grown up". It goes back to the start as an egg and if you want a different outcome, you have to make different choices and press different buttons. You have to pay closer attention...even when it's inconvenient. It is the same with us.

I'm pushing the "reset" button. I need to start fresh. I don't need to tweak or try and find ways around what I know I need to do and I need to do it now...today. I dug through the mess of Victoria's Secret catalogs and pictures and magazines on my desk until I found it...my "pink book". It's the book that my friend Wes made for me as a gift when he moved away. It has 5 full months of workouts...6 days a week. It's been read and carried around and had drinks spilled on it and has notes written on it. I followed it religiously for a long time and then slowly I started doing things differently. I became a trainer myself and became more confident in my own ability to program for myself. I did really well for a long time, but I started to slip somewhere in the past year. I skipped workouts and made excuses. I was cocky and thought that I had it made. I remembered when I was training with Wes and I would get silly or lazy or "too big for my britches". He would always eventually "humble me". All it took was ONE HELLACIOUS HOUR and I would straighten out. He use to tell me that we needed to get back to the basics...back to old school, hard work...back to what works...nothing fancy. I could almost hear his voice saying that as I picked up that book, and so that is what I'm doing.Today, I'm starting over. I'm drinking more water and less Diet Root Beer. I'm eating less of the bad stuff and more of the good stuff. I'm holding myself accountable like I use to and I am going to do the workouts in that book...everyday...in order....whether I like them or not. There will be NO question as to what I will do each day...no guessing...no cherry picking workouts. I will treat my training like I use to...like a job that I can't call in and take a day off of. The "reset" button is pushed and I can't wait to see what happens!
~Marsha

...LiStEn uP!...

I'm not a middle of the road kinda gal. I take my time...worry...before I make a decision...but once I decide to do something...I grab the bull by the horns...all or nothing...full throttle. When I was fat...I ate to excess...I never worked out. Now...I tend to workout in excess. My addiction didn't go away...sometimes I think it morphed into something else.

I've learned to embrace pain. I know that pushing myself will making me stronger...in more ways than just physically...and so I push myself...hard...every day. I never slow down. Many times, I don't take the time I need to recover from the stress I put my body through daily. The part of me that is scared of gaining weight and going back to where I was when I was overweight and unhealthy, convinces the smart part of me that rest is for wimps. I know that rest (in the right amount) is for smart people that don't want to injure and over train their bodies, but it's still hard for me.I was feeling strong...but then I felt worn out...weak...and broken. Finally last week, my body got tired of me not listening and it quit on me. I tried to workout, but my body just wouldn't allow it. I felt really upset...betrayed...but I then it was brought to my attention that maybe I was the one betraying my body. Even though I'm not a gifted, natural athlete...I want to train like an athlete...but then I deprive my body of the rest and good foods and sleep my body needs to perform like an athlete. I don't listen to my body.When my body got tired and MADE me listen last week, I was upset. I had a little meltdown, wrote about it, and then made a smart decision. I decided to rest. I got much more sleep than normal over the weekend and I did not workout...AT ALL...for 3 days. What a difference 3 days made! This morning I hit the gym early for work sets of back squats, bench presses, and power cleans and it was hard...and painful at times...but I felt great because I FINALLY gave my body the time to recover that it has been screaming for.I hate that I had to go through what I did last week, but I guess I needed a wake up call. I needed to be reminded to take the time and listen to my body before it shuts down and I needed to recommit to taking better care of my body not just in the gym but in other ways as well.

~Marsha

...bEtRaYaL...

Everyone has felt the sting of betrayal...that miserable gnawing pain that makes you feel regret...and makes you wish you had chosen a better path or different people to be in your life. Some of us have experienced this more than others and some to worse degrees, but every adult at some point suffers betrayal...in some way. I feel like I've had more than my fair share lately and honestly, I'd really like a break. I'd like a break from thinking about and reliving the hurt. I'd like a break from the pain I feel in my body and in my heart. I'd like an end to the frustration and the feeling of powerlessness.

It is not a person that inspired me to share these feelings. It's the feeling I had today as I cried in the bathroom at the gym. It's the anger that accompanies the pain and the fear that it will never be better. It's me...my body...and my inability to make my body cooperate with my mind.

I'm not an athletically talented person. Nothing I've ever done in the gym comes easy...never has...probably never will...and that's okay. Some people are fast. Some people have great endurance. Some people are unusually strong or flexible or coordinated. I am none of those things, but I am stubborn and I work hard. I was taught to keep trying when I fail. My friend Wes taught me that...and I have missed him like crazy lately. I've missed his encouragement. I've missed his ability to help me change course when my day in the gym isn't going as planned. I miss how he would humble me when I was strong and cocky and how he would lift me up when I was broken or fragile. I miss him on days like today when I feel betrayed by my own body.

I learned years ago how powerful the mind is. I learned to make my body keep going when it was begging me to stop. I've learned to withstand pain and continue even when it seemed that reaching my goal was impossible. I am almost always able to conquer my body with my mind...but every now and then...my body wins...and I am left feeling betrayed and cheated.

I've had health problems over the past few months and as a consequence of medication and the inability to always do what I want physically, I've gained almost 10 pounds. Everyone around me says I look the same and reassures me, but I can tell the difference and it has been tearing me up inside. I try to be positive and only those people closest to me, know just how really bad I have felt and how discouraged I have been. The intense fear of going back to where I once was...the paranoia that I will wake up 200 lbs again is torturous. So, I've resorted to doing what I do best...killing myself in the gym. It's been hard, but even on the toughest days...I seem to get through. I push and I push and even if it's not as much weight or as fast as I'd like...I'm able to physically get through whatever I plan for myself.

I am many things, but one thing I'm not...is a quitter. Sometimes, I'm a "pauser". Sometimes I think about quitting...but in the end, I DON'T QUIT. Today I quit. My body refused to keep going when I told it to. With every painful repetition, I told myself I could finish...until finally my body just stopped. It quit listening and the pain became too much to bear. I found myself sitting on the floor of the bathroom, holding my belly, cramped up, and crying. I felt so disappointed. I felt cheated. I felt like I had been abandoned. I felt deceived. It felt like the betrayal of a friend that I have suffered lately. I hated it...but there is a difference. I can't make another person do right. I can't force an apology or go back in time. There's not a thing I can do to make that betrayal go away. What I can do, is wipe away my tears and pick my head up and know that even though I was not able to finish what I started today....even though my body betrayed me today...tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will march my stubborn butt right back in that gym and do it again...and tomorrow, my body won't let me down.

~Marsha

...tiS tHe sEaSoN tO bE LaZy...

Oh the holidays...it seems we spend all our time eating...buying...and partying. We make time for all these seemingly important things...but the things that REALLY matter...namely our health...gets put on the back burner. I use to never have a problem working out during the holidays. For years, I've had a personal trainer and I didn't have to think about it. I had an appointment...a set time and I showed up. Now..that I myself am a trainer and workout mostly alone, it's much more difficult. The past couple of weeks, I've gone through some serious friend drama, had some health issues, and I've struggled to get ready for Christmas but still take care of myself. I'm ashamed to say that today, Christmas is winning! The funny part is that I'm not even in the Christmas spirit. I've been a bit of a Scrooge all season. My formal tree is...has been up and fluffed for weeks but sits in the entry way...lightless...and ornamentless. It's the 14th and I'm not even 1/3 of my way through my shopping. Yet, I keep feeling like the holidays are keeping me from training and eating the way I want.

Today my entire day is full. I'm headed out to shop w my Mom ALL day in hopes of getting closer to being "done" and then I have my daughter's first band concert tonight. I shoulda already worked out...but I didn't schedule the time and now...once again...I'm regretful!

I am always getting appointments mixed up or showing up late or on the wrong day...it's all part of my "blonde-NESS". I remember I once called my husband to lament this when I missed an appointment and hadn't worked out and his response was..."Hey....guess what?...There's this really cool thing called a calendar! You should get one!" Poo! No sympathy there. Sometimes, I'm left with open time...and I have a million things to do, yet I feel lost. It sounds like a snide comment that my husband made, but really...it's true. He's very different than me. Together. On top of things. He brings things back down to earth when my head is floating in the clouds making excuses.

We all get upset at Christmas time and say we don't have time to work out. We behave as though it is out of our control and ACCEPT weight gain and losses in the gym. We rationalize and think up a million excuses when the solution is simple...a calendar. Get a calendar and make an appointment...everyday...with yourself in the gym. Keep the appointment just as you would a doctor's appointment or going to work. Make it a priority.Today was a fail in that department, so I guess I'll just "power walk" my way through Christmas shopping in heels and make the best choice I can when me and my Mom stop for lunch. I don't know quite how I'll do it, but I do know ONE THING...tomorrow...and every day after...I have to do better...and I will.

~Marsha

i wAnnA hAvE tHe hEaRt oF a LiOn...

I don't remember the man's name, but I still vividly remember the fight. My toes were curled...my hands balled into fists...oh, I was so tense! I use to tune in every week to watch what was one of my favorite shows at the time, "The Contender"...a boxing competition. I remember one specific episode, because one of the boxers that I really liked said something that spoke to me then and has stayed with me in the years that have passed. I remember watching on my bed...yelling...hoping...wishing...encouraging someone to win that doesn't know me...will never meet me...and can't hear me. "GET HIM! KNOCK HIM OUT!", I plead with my eyes glued to my TV screen. Then, the bell rang...it was over...the one I was cheering for lost. I knew it before the referee announced the decision. This man...this boxer...this warrior...lost the fight...but he was certainly not a "loser" in my eyes.

I love to watch boxing, but I hated that the fight didn't end in the way I wanted it to. I usually tend to cheer for the underdog...sometimes they pull through and surprise everyone with a win and other times they don't...either way...I express a lot of emotion. I'm either jumping up and down screaming, "YES!" or I'm ranting about how my fighter coulda won. This man I was cheering for, was in the worst physical shape of any of the boxers. It was obvious even just by first appearance. Amazingly, when he was called up to fight...to "tow the line"...he did so willingly...without any hesitation or fear. I wondered, "Is he brave...or stupid?". He was determined to give all he had and he did. He fought like a true warrior...as if it were the last fight he would ever have...as if his life depended on it. He was shorter and weaker, but he didn't just fight, he went to battle and gave it all he had. After the fight, one of his fellow "contenders" said to him, "Man, you have the heart of a lion! I'm proud of you. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of.".

Many times, when the losing boxer would return to the locker room to be interviewed, he was sad or frustrated or regretful. Sometimes, they would even cry...these big strong men...they cried...and they expressed regret. This man did not. He fought in a way that allowed him to hold his head high and make no excuses. When his children came in to see him, he sat them down and taught them. He didn't cry or ask their forgiveness. He told them that he gave it all he had, and he told them that in life they should always fight for what they want...that they should go after what they want with all they have. They didn't lament his loss or hang their heads...they were so proud of their dad...and rightfully so.

There was one comment this boxer made at the end that made me reflect upon my own defeats in life. He said, "If I had had one more round, I coulda had him." I think about the times when I lose...when things don't go according to plan...when life "knocks me out". How do I react? Do I stop or do I go ONE MORE round? My first instinct...my natural instinct...is to give up...feel bad...change direction...think of myself as a loser. That's the easy thing to do...but holding your head high no matter the outcome...because you know you gave it everything you have...that takes inner strength. I'm not there quite yet, but I'm trying to learn to have the "heart of a lion". I want to live my life in such a way that even when I am defeated, I can hold my head high with no regrets...knowing I fought...knowing that I gave it all I had and feeling good whether I win or lose.

I sat down to watch my favorite show that night a few years ago...to be entertained...but I learned something and gained a new resolve instead. I made a decision. I want to live as a warrior...with a brave heart...and an open mind. I want to live in such a way that even when I am defeated, others will say of me..."She has the heart of a lion."

~Marsha

...a fEw oF mY fAvoRiTe tHiNgS...

I love cute workout clothes, and I love feeling strong and tough in the gym. I love the feeling of keeping up with or even passing "the boys", but I especially love doing this WITHOUT looking like one of the boys! My good friend Arik, once turned to me in the gym when we were in there working out together and said, "You'd be better off wearing no makeup, big basketball shorts, and a loose t-shirt in here!" My response..."Why?...because it would make it easier on you to workout with me?!?" He rolled his eyes and I'm sure had some snappy comeback that I've sense blocked out and we both laughed. I love him to death, but I have never...and don't plan to ever take his suggestion as to what I wear in the gym. I like looking pretty...even in the gym.

There are piles and piles and piles of workout clothes in my closet. I'll admit that at times, it's hard to even find a certain pair of pants or a tank. It's like finding 20$ in your pocket that you didn't know was there when I come across one of my workout outfits that I love, but has been buried under other things. Some of my MOST FAVORITE workout clothes are from Otomix.I love their clothes because they are different and fun and sexy and feminine! I wear most of their stuff to workout in, but some I wear on days like today...when I wanna be comfy...but still cute! They are not cheap, but they send 20-30% off coupons constantly once you place an order and they have held up and washed great for me! Here's just a few of my favorite pieces from Otomix.

The Racy Sport pant

I have these in white and turquoise w the matching "Butterfly Cami" and I LOVE them. I also have the shorts version.

Racy Sport Pant cost...$89

Butterfly Cami cost...$49

Racy Sport Short cost...&39.88 (on clearance)

Feelin hot while suffering in the gym...PRICELESS!!!

Lycra Tops (different styles)>>

Rose Cami cost...$39

Wearing something to the gym that doesn't look just like what EVERYBODY else is wearing...PRICELESS!!!

Comfort Shorts and Pants

I have these in both pants and shorts in every color they make and they really ARE comfortable. Only prob is that I get stopped all the time to ask why there's an "arrow" on the back pointing at my butt! ha ha!

Comfort Pant cost...59$

Comfort Short...$32

Being comfortable while suffering in the gym and still looking good...PRICELESS!!!

Cotton Tanks (different styles)^^

Heart Tie-Dye Tank cost...$32

Tribal V-Cut Tank cost...$14.88 (on clearance)

Tribal Heart Tank cost...$14.44 (on clearance)

Going from the gym to the grocery store lookin cute...PRICELESS!

Rainbow Lycra Pant

I have these in pink and white and LOVE the fit! They come in a mid rise and a low rise.
Rainbow Lycra Pant cost...$44.88 (on clearance...get em before they are gone!)

Having people stop me and ask me how I got the body to wear these at 41...PRICELESS!!!

There's so many other things they sell that I could go on and on. I'm wearing my grey dragon comfort pant and the pink dragon thermal (below) today and I'm comfortable, but I don't look frumpy and can still turn a head or two. ;)

~Marsha

...ruNNinG aWaY fRoM mY pRobLeMs...

The broken up asphalt from a country road was under my feet and the sun was shining on my face. It was a warm November day...so warm in fact that my tank top was wet and I had to keep pushing my big sunglasses up on my nose because the sweat was making them slide down. Music was playing in my ears, but not my usual selection of rap or pop or loud angry rock music. That day the music was different. They call certain foods "comfort foods". If I had to describe what I was listening to, I'd say that this music was like "comfort food" for my soul...music that I've loved for a long, long time...music that is familiar...music that calms me and reminds me of good things.

My legs were sore and my right knee was aching from a tough workout earlier. I knew I had no business running...that I had done enough and needed to rest...but I couldn't stop. I NEEDED to run and I was not going to stop until it was time...until I felt better. I didn't know how long it would take and so I dug in and got into a quick but relaxed pace...trying to ignore the tears that fell from underneath my big black sunglasses. The tears were not because I was tired...or because of the dull ache in my knee. The tears were for other reasons...hurt feelings...disappointment...frustration.

This scenario is not uncommon. The background or the reason varies, but the way I tend to get through it does not. I run. I run away from my problems when they begin to overwhelm me. The music sort of fades into the background and I have conversations in my head. Sounds crazy...I know. Sometimes it's me talking myself through something...a regret...or a bad choice...or a heart ache. Sometimes it's me telling another person what I desperately need to tell them in my head, because I can't find the courage to do it to their face. Sometimes I try to think of possible solutions to my problem. Sometimes I just plain feel sorry for myself. The "conversation", weather, location, music, and subject matter may vary, but one thing never changes. No matter how tired I am or how much it hurts or how dark it gets, I run and I don't stop until I feel better...because I ALWAYS feel better at some point.

Some people say that you can't "run away from your problems", but I disagree. Running and crying and thinking helps me sort things out. It gives me a chance to fall apart without anyone else around. It's a chance to step back and look at things in a different way. It's a release. And sometimes it's a way to let go of things I can't change. It's like I get so tired that I decide I can't carry those things with me any more and I have to drop them on the side of the road in order to continue running and make it back home.

It may seem crazy, but it works for me. And it may seem weak, but I know how hard it really is. Sometimes running away from my problems is just what I need in order to face them head on when I get back home. So, as long as I have problems, I guess I'll have to keep running way from them.

~Marsha

...iT's HaRd tO mAkE iT LooK sO eAsY...

It's not easy to go into the gym day after day and give it your all. Working out hard hurts. No one likes to hurt, but some of us are willing to withstand some pain or discomfort in order to push ourselves to excel at whatever it is that we do in the gym. I see the contorted faces and I hear the grunts and groans of the people I train and workout alongside as they suffer through a particularly difficult workout.

This morning I came into the gym to train the 9AM group. Only two guys showed up. Sometimes when there are few people there, they will ask me to workout with them...because it creates a little competition. Because they are both experienced and there were no movements that they were unfamiliar with, I decided to join them. They were both facing me, so I could watch and stop to help if I needed to. After the warmup, the workout was:

25 Kettlebell Swings

25 Pushups

25 Squats

AMRAP (As Many Rounds As Possible) in 20 minutes

So I counted us down..."3...2...1...GO!", hit the stopwatch, cranked up the stereo, and grabbed a 44 lb KB. We struggled through and afterwards as we were sittin on the floor talking, Brad said, "That was good! Man, you did good! You kept me going. There were times I wanted to stop so bad...times I wanted to put my KB down...so bad...but I'd glance over and see you just swinging yours like it was nothin...and I knew I HAD to keep going!" I laughed and said, "Well, honestly...I was thinkin the same thing about YOU!" Then I told him how I love to look like it doesn't hurt a bit when I'm trying to beat someone in the gym...just to psych em out and make em think it's "easy" for me...but really...it's anything but easy!I was MISERABLE...in real pain. My grip was shot from swingin that 44 lb KB. I hate pushups, but insist (internally) that I always do as perfect of reps as possible...down til my chest and thighs are touching the ground and all the way up to locked out arms. I was out of breath and when I was tearing through those squats like it was a breeze, my quads were ON FIRE! I may have made it look easy, but it was anything BUT easy.So how is it that I kept going when it hurt so bad? Why didn't I just stop and take a break? I did it, because I knew that I could. I knew the pain would eventually subside and a feeling of accomplishment and pride would take it's place. It's hard to make something so painful look so easy, but if it pushes me and the people I train with to do a little more, or go a little further or longer...it's worth it. I feel certain that BOTH Brad and I did more than we would have if I had been weak and stopped. Don't stop when it's hard. Don't quit when it hurts. Fight your way through and make it look easy, because whether you do it fast or slow...or whether you whine or hang tough...the pain won't stop until you finish!

~Marsha