"In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity." ~Albert Einstein
Many times we avoid things that are difficult. We want to avoid the pain and hard work...not realizing the good that can come from it! I often think about my personal journey and the changes I made. I don't think I could've been ANY sadder than I was during that time in my life. I remember how far I had to fall, before I was able to try and get back up.
I was always "together". I've NEVER been one to skip showers or go around without makeup...even when my kids were babies. I got to the point where I was so depressed that I wasn't taking showers and I cried all the time. I would come home from dropping kids off at school and preschool and sob sitting in my car in the garage. To say that I was in the "midst of difficulty" feels like an understatement, but those were definitely difficult times.
I remember the night my husband came home from work and as usual...the kids were going crazy and there was no dinner. I was crying and I asked him to come talk to me. I told him that I needed help. And just to be clear...I don't ask for help...EVER...so this was strange. I told him i felt I needed to see a doctor but that I was too distracted and fragile to even make an appointment. He agreed to make the appointment for me, and that first visit was one I will never forget. I felt like a prisoner...ready and wanting to escape the minute anyone turned their head. When the doctor asked me what was wrong, I started to sob uncontrollably. He wrote furiously on my chart. He prescribed me an anti depressant, which helped in some ways, and made things worse in others.
I never told anyone but close family that I had to take medication. I was so embarrassed about it and was afraid that people would judge me, but I feel like other people need to know that it is okay to seek help in whatever form you need and there is no need to feel ashamed. The initial medication took me from crying all the time...to sitting in a stupor...only to gain even more weight. I needed some immediate help, so it was okay for a short time, but I had to eventually have the medication switched and then shortly thereafter was when I was out from under the fog of depression and I could start to make decisions that would change me and the course of my life forever.
I will not get into the exact details of the steps I took today, but I started slow...with one small goal at a time. I started at 200 lbs and so my goal was to get in the 190s. When I hit the 190s, my goal was to get in the 180s. I took baby steps and I'll be honest...it wasn't all sunshine and roses. I did it on my own. I had no trainer or anyone to motivate me or give me advice. I had to figure it out as I went along. In the beginning I didn't lose weight quickly and I felt discouraged at times...but all I could think was that even if I wasn't losing...I was no longer gaining and so I continued my program. Eventually...because I stuck with it...I saw great success.
It was a long hard year of high highs and low lows. I have thought about it at times I wondered why...why I didn't do something when I was only 20 lbs overweight...why I waited until it was so difficult. Contrary to what people may think...I do not regret the way things happened. I NEEDED to be miserable and it NEEDED to be difficult in order for me to truly dig in and embrace the journey. In the midst of my difficulty, I saw opportunity and I grabbed it and held on to it. I would not be the person I am today or have made such strides if things had not happened the way they did and so I am grateful for those difficulties.
"Rock bottom" or difficulties...whatever you wanna call it...is different for each person. Some people may not have to get to the level I was at to be uncomfortable enough to change, but here's the point I want to make: Those low, difficult times...the times that I felt like I was looking at a stranger in the mirror...the times I could see no happy future...the times I could hardly stand to carry my child up the stairs...the times I was treated badly in stores...were a blessing of sorts because they allowed me to gain a desire for change which lead me to seize the opportunity.
Do not feel as though it is impossible to change. Whether you have 100 lbs to lose or 10 lbs to lose...you can do it. Whether you work, or have children, or bad genetics, or anything else in your life that make it hard to get started...doesn't matter. The time to grasp the opportunity is NOW. I will never tell you it will be easy. It's not, but it IS possible to change regardless of your situation. You'll look back later and be grateful for the journey if you do and you will feel proud when you look in the mirror and know that YOU did the work and YOU made a change for the better. Look at the difficulties in your life as a catalyst for change. Find the opportunity waiting for you and make a change.
