...LeArN tO aDaPt...

Mark Twight says, "THE MIND AND BODY ADAPT TO BOTH COMFORT AND DEPRIVATION...". I think that's true of every aspect of human life. We are made to survive and adapt. I've thought a lot about this as I've been facing some changes and adapting to a bit of a different life in some ways myself recently.

I remember a time in my life when I could not even accept a compliment. If someone said, "You are beautiful." I would laugh and say "No, I'm not!" It was a vicious cycle. I was in need of reassurance, but when I got it I discounted it. You do that enough and soon people stop wanting to compliment or reassure you.I started to break this cycle when I began working out and training with my friend, but it was not easy. In the beginning of my relationship with Wes, it was hard for me to adapt to positive reinforcement and encouragement..."comfort" if you will. I always thought it was a joke or a lie. It was almost like I felt I was being made fun of or patronized. It wasn't until I learned to trust and I adapted to the mindset of "I CAN!" and "I AM!" that I started to believe and appreciate the encouragement and compliments that I received. I stopped discounting them and started allowing them to build me up.

The "Strong is the new skinny" movement has began to really grow and people have become more vocal in their compliments towards each other and in sharing their accomplishments. Reading all the stories of transformation and seeing everyone there build each other up, makes me so glad to be associated with such an amazing group of people. I truly believe that the encouragement we give each other can help us adapt and become the best version of ourselves. If there is anyone struggling...anyone that wants to change but is afraid...anyone that is working hard but hasn't yet seen the results they are looking for...anyone that doubts their abilities and chooses to believe the "bad" rather than the "good"...I have something that I want to say that I mean from the bottom of my heart.

"You can do it! Everyone has the strength within to build the strength that people see on the outside. Believe in yourself. Learn to accept compliments and don't be ashamed to share your victories!"

I truly believe that because we have the ability to adapt to our environment that we should be careful about what kind of environment we put ourselves in. We should surround ourselves with people that build us up...not those that drag us down. We should choose friends that help us be the best we can be...not those that tell us we can't. We are going to adapt no matter what, so why not adapt to people and things that help make us great?!?

...nO sHoRtCuTs...

I thought I'd share a few quick thoughts as I relax from my usual go go go way of life on this Sunday afternoon...

It seems to me that everyone these days wants a shortcut. We are all busy. Life moves in fast forward. We've become a society used to getting what we want now...of instant gratification. It seems there's endless gadgets and diets and pills that guarantee a quick fix to the same problem...how to get the perfect body we all want without having to change or do things we don't want to.I guess it's always been this way to some extent.

I found this picture above and I had to laugh. When I was growing up, my Mom had one of these contraptions in her dressing room. The idea was that you stood there with this strap across your hips/butt and let it violently shake you into shape. You didn't move a muscle or do a thing. You just stood there and let it shake you. I remember once walking in and seeing my Mom eating a cupcake while she stood there shaking. Sometimes I would use it myself too. If you want the truth, it didn't do a thing except make me feel motion sick and I feel certain that it did not shake away the calories my Mom consumed as she ate her cupcake that day.

People ask me all the time. "What's your secret?" It's funny to me because it is so complex, yet so simple at the same time. So, here's the secret (that's really not a secret):

( me doing a 1RM Deadlift of 245lbs...I went on to hit 260 a month or so after)

IF YOU WANT TO BE HEALTHY AND FIT AND STRONG, YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR BODY AND WORK YOUR MUSCLES. YOU NEED TO EAT MORE OF THE GOOD STUFF AND LESS OF THE BAD STUFF. YOU HAVE TO COMMIT TO IT AND MAKE IT A WAY OF LIFE. THERE IS NO QUICK FIX, AND THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS. IT TAKES COMMITMENT AND GOOD CHOICES. IT TAKES DETERMINATION AND SWEAT AND HARD WORK. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT PART, NOTHING OR NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR YOU. ONLY YOU CAN DO IT. GIVE IT EVERYTHING YOU HAVE IN THE GYM AND LEAVE IT ALL ON THE FLOOR WHEN YOU'RE DONE!

Work hard and get strong!

I loved to read the Sunday comic strips from the paper each week when I was younger. Here's a couple more funny cartoons that go right along with this!

...eNjOy tHe RiDe...

I get motion sickness really easily, so I don't frequent amusement parks much. I do however go to the water park with my kids ever so often in the summer and will ride the rides there with them. One thing that I always find interesting is that whether I am at an amusement park or a water park...it doesn't matter the type or length of roller coaster/ride I'm on, there's one thing in common. It's always a slow ride going up and a fast fall going down. Different people react differently. For some, the ascent is filed with trepidation and fear. For others, it is anticipation and excitement. Some scream or close their eyes on the way down. Others throw their hands in the air and laugh. When the ride is over, some can't wait to do it again...while others walk away vowing to never do that again.This reminds me a lot of life in general, but also of progression in the gym. I just said the other day, "It's funny how long it takes to build yourself up where you want to be and how fast you lose it if you stop working hard." I'm living that now. I am not out of shape by any stretch of the imagination. I can still hold my own in the gym, but I'm not where I want to be or feel I once was. There are many reasons for this. I could blame it on health issues or losing people close to me. I could say that it all started with friends that I let drag me down, but really...in the end...I made the choices to skip days, or not go as long, or eat fast food in the middle of the night with friends when we were out. I take full responsibility.

So I started trying to get it back, but my impatience and fear got the best of me. I was like those people that fear the trip up to the top of the highest hill on the roller coaster. I wanted to close my eyes as I went further and further down...to pretend it wasn't happening. It would've been easy to walk away and never go back because I didn't want to face the unknown or deal with the anticipation of what might or might not lie on the other side. All that did, was slow my progress. I made hasty decisions and kept changing "the ride" so to speak. It's hard to reach the top when you keep starting over.This writing was very much for myself, but it is also for anyone that has fear or wants to give up. STOP IT. Stop being afraid. Stop telling yourself you can't make it. If you want to run further, faster...then get your butt outside or on a treadmill and push yourself. Run a little longer than you want. Run a little faster than you thought possible. Learn to be okay with being uncomfortable. If you want to do a pullup...go and try to do a pullup...not once or 100 times. Do it until you get one...and you WILL get one if you keep trying. It took me 2 years to get pullups! What if I had given up at a year? So what if your hands hurt or your ego is bruised. It was all for nothing if you quit.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to just embrace everything that goes along with change. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm on the way up with my eyes open and my arms in the air. I'm trying to look forward to longer workouts with nervous EXCITEMENT rather than dreading and fearing what will happen. I'm trying to laugh and enjoy the process, even when the fear takes my breath away. But mostly, I've decided to stop running away and get right back in line...to ride over and over and over again until I get where I want to go. This "ride" CAN BE exhilarating if I let it be.

~Marsha

*Today's workout for anyone interested:

10 Ring Rows (with feet on a low box)

10 Jumping Lunges (each leg/20 total)

10 Knees to Elbows

10 Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (55 lbs)

10 Burpee Box Jumps (22 in box)

7 Rounds for time (33:18)

Followed by 30 minute of cardio of choice

...mUscLeS wOrK miRacLeS...

I believe in miracles. Miracles come in all shapes and sizes and they manifest themselves in many different ways. Some miracles save a person's life...or help the blind see. Some miracles simply make life a little easier...and some rid the body and mind of the sickness inside. Some miracles fix problems that once seemed unfixable...and some make things that seemed impossible happen before our eyes...the same eyes that once could not see.

I've experienced a few miracles in my life. I consider my three children amongst the best of those. They are not little anymore so I don't hold them like I did when they were small...especially not my oldest. She's 15. Need I say more? So last night...as I cradled her in my arms and literally held her as she cried...my heart broke for her but I was also grateful that I had the physical strength to hold someone that is almost my same size.The crazy part was that she didn't pull away after a few moments. She melted into my arms and just let me love her. At one point, as I talked to her and felt her wet tears on my shoulder, she said, "You feel so strong. Thanks Mom. I needed that." A little stunned, I thought, "Wow...this is truly a miracle." Savy normally acts like she doesn't need me, but tonight she did need me...and she admitted it...and I was able to give her what she needed...strong shoulders to cry on, strong arms to hold her up with, and the mental strength to hold it together and let it be about HER even though I wanted to cry myself.

I have a shirt that says "Muscles work miracles" and I believe that they do. Actually, I know they do, because my life has changed significantly over the years as I've spent time in the gym becoming strong. MY muscles have saved my life in a sense. Before I became strong, I was not living. In a sense, I was dead inside...merely existing. My muscles healed me. My profound sadness and depression went away. Where I was once hopeless...blind in a sense, I now see endless possibility. My muscles have transformed my body and given me a mental toughness and a confidence that was not there before.Last night I witnessed yet another miracle thanks to my muscles. My muscles gave me the strength and ability to help heal my daughter's broken heart...to hold her up when she was too weak to stand on her own. Thankful does not even begin to describe the way I felt as she wiped her tears, thanked me, and stood to walk away. Muscles make us look good, but they can also serve a far greater purpose. Muscles CAN work miracles.

~Marsha

...if you want a "Muscles work miracles" tank...go to www.strongisthenewskinny.spreadshirt.com

...iF yOu bUiLd iT, tHeY wiLL cOmE...

This morning I went in to the gym to cover the 9AM class. Anyone that knows me, knows that I talk...A LOT...sometimes too much. Not much shuts me up, and when I am very quiet...it's a clue that something is wrong. So in my usually chatty way, I was talking with the two people that were in there training. I was saying how I'm sore, because I started a new program and yesterday was a "heavy lifting day" of Back Squats, Press, and Power Cleans. They asked a few questions about what I'm doing and I told them what my plan is. I also explained that I am doing things differently. Yes, I have yet another NEW plan...different from the last new plan...but the thing that is MOST different, is that I am NOT changing it again!
I was telling them that I was going to treat MYSELF more like I would treat a client that I am training, because so many times I do things that I would never tell them to do. I was also telling them...but really reminding MYSELF...that it takes time to SEE results and that just because you work hard for 3 or 4 weeks and don't magically transform into something else, it doesn't mean what you're doing isn't working or won't work in the future. It takes time.
I thought about this as I ran after wards. I thought about what my Mom and Dad always told us growing up..."Your body is a temple. Take care of it accordingly."...and it made me think that building a house is similar to building muscle and gaining strength in some ways. Houses are not built in a day. Architects draw up plans. Many different contractors come and do their job one by one. The pipes are layed and the foundation is poured. Once it is ready, the frame starts to go up. Piece by piece...day by day...a patch of dirt becomes a home with a yard...but it doesn't happen overnight or in a few weeks. It takes months of hard work. You don't give up and start over after a few weeks because a perfect house does not suddenly appear. If so, you'd never have a finished house.
Everyone knows the famous line from "Field Of Dreams"..."If you build it, they will come." People didn't show up to the farm the first day they started building. I remember when we were building our house. At times, it seemed that things progressed so fast, and other times it was a painfully slow process. Eventually, we got what we wanted...a finished home that we could live in and enjoy. And it is the same in the gym. Sometimes we see quick or major progress...and sometimes we suffer setbacks or don't see results as quickly as we would like...but the only way to get the body you want, is to keep working. You have to create a solid foundation and build up from there. If you work hard and don't give up...if you build upon what you have...eventually, the muscles...the results...will come.

~Marsha

...nO cRyBaBiEs aLLoWeD...

"Chicken pox!!!"...that's the text I got from my almost 12 year old daughter this morning. Mystery solved. We now know what the crazy rash she's had for 2 days is...

I've had chicken pox. I'm not scared of getting them, but that was NOT what I wanted to hear. My child having chicken pox is not enough to bring me to tears, but it was just another drop in the bucket...the drop that made the bucket overflow. I crumbled and called my lil sis. I sobbed and told her all the things that are bothering me. She listened and comforted me. I whined and cried for quite some time.

In my defense, I have had...and still have...some seriously upsetting things going on in my life...things that won't be resolved in a day or week or even a month...things that can take even the strongest person down. I don't cry all that often, but the past 2 weeks it seems that's what I've spent a good part of my life doing. This is something I hate to admit because it screams weakness rather than strength to me.Everything I write...all the feelings that I share...are real. They are personal. They are mine. I was embarrassed to share this because as I said before, it doesn't seem very strong or motivational. And after all, that IS the point of this blog...right? However...as I thought more about it...I realized through my tears that I'm stronger than I think I am. It takes strength to admit you need help. It takes strength to let people see your weaknesses. And it takes strength to wipe away the tears and DO something.

There's a quote that says, "If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have time to do something about it." Whether it's the disappointment of failure in the gym or a sick child or a broken relationship or an injury or the loss of a job...whether it's in or out of the gym...whether it's in your control to "fix" or not...we can always do SOMETHING about the things that weigh us down...because at the very least, we can do something about our reaction to those things.

I've always found it interesting to watch people go for their one rep max in the gym. I think the way they react says a lot about them. Some people think that a weight is too hard for them, when I can clearly see it is not hard at all. Some people give up the second the weight stops moving, while others hold on just a few more seconds and fight to get the weight up. It's not that one person is always stronger than the other. It's about not giving up when the going gets tough. It's about finding the resolve from within to push back against the things that push against you. It's about knowing that if you hold on for just another minute and take a minute to rest and breath...you WILL make through. It's also about being humble enough to ask for help when your load becomes to much to bear.

It's time to stop crying. It's time to keep pushing when I'd rather just let go. It's time to rely on the people that are right here...ready and willing to help me when it gets too heavy. I'm ready to stop being a crybaby and start doing something.

~Marsha

aRe yOu aLiVe?

When most of us think of Frankenstein, we think of a big guy with a square head and pegs in his neck lumbering around with his arms in front of him. I bet most people have never read the book or even seen the 1930s original black and white movie in its entirety. Most of us just see Frankenstein as a character...a Halloween costume. Although, most everyone is familiar with the scene where the hand begins to move, and Dr. Frankenstein yells, "It's alive! It's alive!", I don't think most people remember how Frankenstein was brought to life. Dr. Frankenstein created a man made from bodies that he took from graves and he discovered and recreated a ray of light that he believed was "the great ray of light that first brought life into the world". One of the witnesses he brings to his lab is Dr. Waldman. He is skeptical, logical, and sane...unlike Dr. Frankenstein. As Dr Frankenstein is explaining how he will turn the ray onto the body and bring it to life, Dr. Waldman says, "...You really believe that you can bring life to the dead?" Dr. Frankenstein's responds, "That body is not dead. It has never lived. I created it. I made it with my own hands from the bodies I took from graves...from the gallows...anywhere."You may be wondering why on earth I am giving a short recap of how Frankenstein was brought to life. I'll tell you. I didn't have time to put my tennis shoes on before taking the kids to school, so I threw on flip flops. Instead of being able to drive straight to the gym afterwards, I had to come back by the house. I sat down on the chair at my desk in the bedroom to put on socks. It's been very sunny and warm over the past several days, but today it's overcast and it feels a little chilly to me. It's kind of dark in my room and I thought to myself, "I wish the sun were out. I'm cold and I don't feel very alive at this moment." This thought reminded me of the scene in Frankenstein that I described and it got me thinking about what it is that makes me feel alive.

There have been times in my life where I did not feel alive...times where no matter how many people surrounded me, I felt alone...and times where no matter how warm it was, I felt cold inside. Those times come and go for all of us I think, but it was especially that way for me when I was overweight and depressed. I feel like the old me died seven years ago when I started my journey and a new me was created. It wasn't just bringing a body back to life like Dr. Waldman suggested. It was more like Dr. Frankenstein. I had to rebuild a new me from many different parts...some that were mine only refurbished...and some from other people along the way.I think some people think that I am crazy at times. A lot do not understand. They stand back and wonder why I do the things I do...why I don't "act my age". What they don't realize is that even though I'm 41 years old, I've only been really living for a short time. Becoming strong has given me a sureness that I never had before. Changing my body has created a confidence that did not exist. Facing my fears has taught me courage and given me the ability to make lasting changes.

Even if you are not overweight...even if you have a great life...are you really living it to the fullest? Do you feel alive? Do you rely on other people to validate you? Do the clouds take away your happiness and warmth?

I realize now that I don't need the sun to feel alive. Everything I need is in me...all the time...every day. I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to push myself to the limit. I'm going to struggle and sweat. In the end, I will most likely end up lying on the floor, out of breath, looking lifeless...but I will be anything but lifeless. My hand will start to move and then I'll be up off the floor...glad that I did what it takes to keep me feeling alive. If you don't feel alive...if you're not really living...don't waste another moment! Make the changes you need to and start living...today.

~Marsha

...aTTiTuDe...

"The training we do is the consequence of an attitude. The attitude is the meaningful fundamental; without it no benefits may be realized. You must want (or need) to be where you are, doing what you are doing. If you can't pay attention or if you don't want to work hard, don't bother showing up to go through the motions. Nothing is gained by doing one thing with your body and another with your mind." ~Mark Twight

As I walked out of the movies by myself yesterday, I had two thoughts. My first thought was that I needed to get to the gym and workout before dinner. My second thought...the thought that prevailed...was that I had never felt so alone in my whole life. I thought about what a crazy world it is that a girl can have over 500 Facebook friends...some "virtual friends" and many "real life friends"...and have to go to a movie all alone. It's funny, because when I decided to go to the movie even though my sister didn't want to, I really felt okay with it. But as the movie went on, I felt myself sinking into a sadder and sadder place, which was bizarre being that I was in a movie that made me laugh many times.

My plan was to leave the movies and go straight to the gym. I had been busy with kids and orthodontists office all morning followed by lunch with my sister, so I never made it to the gym early. I was still determined to get a good workout in...just later in the day. I didn't walk out with my normal fast paced, determined walk. I ambled out...feeling invisible and tired...not the best way to get pumped up for an intense workout.I wish I could say that I sucked it up...that I had an epiphany and got to the gym and worked hard and felt better...but I'd be lying if I did. I ended up shopping...my drug of choice...and then decided to head home and cook...which is crazy...because I hate to cook and hardly ever do.

I keep a collection of quotes on one of my bathroom mirrors by Mark Twight...my workout hero. I thought about the quote above. I knew that I would not...could not...give what I needed to make a workout worthwhile for me, because in the simplest of terms...my attitude SUCKED. I was going to try and make my body do what my mind didn't want. I could've done "something"...but doing just "something"...isn't enough for me. I want to push my body and soul to their limits and I knew that wasn't happening and that I was not going to gain much by putting on a cute workout outfit and simply "going through the motions".Maybe I shouldn't admit these things. I've always felt like my "job" in life is to be perfect. I feel that my "job"...my purpose if you will...is to encourage and inspire. I know that being an example...practicing what you preach...is the best way to do this. I try not to be negative and certainly NEVER want anyone to feel sorry for me, so when I felt the desire to write this morning...I had NO clue what I could possibly say. I had nothin funny or inspirational in me.

My house is getting cleaned and I can hear the vacuum going outside my bedroom. It made me think of something that my Mom has said before. My Mom is a housekeeper and one thing she has always said, is that no matter whose house she cleans, she's found that people are the same/different. She always says that even though people have different amounts of money or hobbies or decorating styles, there are things that all people feel/experience/do similarly. So...while many of you that read this are much more disciplined and perhaps a little more emotionally stable than me may not benefit from my words...I'm writing this for those of us that struggle from time to time...those of us that let our hearts mess with our heads.Sometimes, life gets you down...people disappoint you...hearts get broken...things don't workout the way we want. Sometimes, we have the best of intentions at the beginning of the day and by the end...things have fallen apart. What I want to say, is this: it's okay. It's okay that I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. It's okay to have an off day. It's okay for me not to be perfect. What's NOT okay, is for me to wallow in the way I felt and skip the gym today and tomorrow and the next day. If you wanna fall apart...fall apart...then pick yourself up, put yourself back together, stop whining, and do what you need to do to fix your attitude. Change it from bad to good.

A good attitude doesn't mean you skip through fields of flowers giggling. A good attitude doesn't mean you are always happy. A good attitude means learning to use whatever you are feeling as inspiration rather than an excuse. Mark Twight says,

"A "good" attitude allows and spurs the athlete to conceive and achieve a goal. Such a psychological state does not have to be positive or balanced; personal torment has inspired great efforts. Confusion and questioning, anger and doubt may be fountains of creativity and initiative. What an individula finds dissatisfactory about him or herself is often a bridge to something greater. When combined with the self-discipline required to maintain momentum...any motivating state of mind can produce an astounding work of art and action."I didn't miraculously wake up this morning feeling like I don't have a problem in the world. The same crap that bothered me yesterday still bothers me at this very moment. It's what I'm doing with those feelings that is different. I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to use all the things that are bothering me to motivate me. I'm going to prove everyone wrong that ever thought I wasn't capable. I'm going to make anyone that ever called me ugly in junior high or fat after I had kids eat their words. But most of all, I am going to remind MYSELF that I am strong and that I can take on anything that life throws my way.

Today...my bad attitude is good.

~Marsha

...if yOu KeeP dOiN wHaT yOu'Ve aLwaYs dOnE..yOu'LL KeeP gEttiN wHaT yOu aLwaYs gOt...

I grew up in the south. I was born and raised in Texas. Now I know that TRUE southerners...people from Georgia lets just say for example's sake...will tell you that anything west of the Mississippi is NOT the south...it is the west or southwest. That's okay with me, because in all reality, Texas is like it's own little country...different than anyplace else. One thing about native Texans is that we love to make comparisons when we speak so there are lots of sayings that I heard my whole life...some are funny and some are just gross...but they all bring a smile to my face. Growing up, my Mom would ALWAYS say, "I'm as full as a tick." after she would eat too much. If we got cut, it was not uncommon to hear, "She's bleedin like a stuck pig!". There's so many more I could recite, but you get the picture.

One thing my mama has ALWAYS said to us is, "If you keep doing what you've always done...you'll keep gettin what you always got!" She always used this in reference to making the same bad choices over and over, but over the past week or so....this has been taking on a different meaning for me. I've thought to myself. "Maybe this is not always a bad thing..."

I was feeling frustrated with myself...lost...not as happy with my body as I have been in the past. At first, I felt sorry for myself and threw a pity party for one...but anyone who knows me, knows I don't like to be alone so that didn't last long. Next I tried to make excuses...like the always favorite, "Maybe I have a thyroid problem."...but finally...in the end, I decided to take responsibility.I decided that rather than try and figure out what it is that I've been doing wrong...I would think about what it is that I did right when I was happier with my body and then GO BACK to doing that. It seemed more positive to me. Instead of obsessing about taking things away or beating myself up, I would focus on the good...knowing that if I did it before, I could do it again. This morning, the 9am class at the gym asked if I was going to be doing the workout of the day with them today. I sd "No. I'm doing a workout out of my old book of workouts. I'm going back to doing things the way I use to do them so I can look like I use to look." and it made me think of my mama's saying...only this time...with a different twist.

Of course we have to change things up to keep progressing, but maybe what we need sometimes is to go back to the tried and true...to stop trying to complicate things and just get back to the basics. That's what I've done..and it's killin me...and I'm happier. For now...I'm going back to doin what I've always done, so I can get what I use to have! (Thanks Mom!)

Today's workout:

100 OH LUNGEs

100 MEDICINE BALL SLAMs

100 PUSHUPs

100 RING ROWs

100 OH LUNGEs

(followed by 30 min on the elliptical doing hills)

~Marsha

...tHiS oNe'S fOr tHe GiRLs...

I posted this on the "Strong Is The New Skinny" Facebook page, but I wanted to share it here too! We may not all be part of a team...or set world records...or have natural talent...or even have a trainer, but EVERYONE has an athlete hidden somewhere inside. Find what you love and be the best YOU can be at it. Find your inner athlete. Be strong.

"I am a female athlete. I have dreams. I have been told I was not good enough. I have faced discrimination...but I have overcome the odds. I am STRONG. I am focused. I never give up...and I will do anything to win. I am proud of who I am. So next time someone says "You play like a girl!"...consider it a compliment!"

~Marsha

...tiMe tO mAkE LiKe a tAmaGoTcHi aNd pUsH tHe "rEsEt" bUttOn...

My kids are all getting older. The days of diaper changes and Fisher Price toys are LONG gone. The days of going to story time at the local library EVERY Wednesday and wiping snotty noses are a distant memory. I have a huge walk in toy closet in my game room with so many toys that need to be donated...HUNDREDS of stuffed animals and lots of Barbies and Matchbox cars...toys that have not been touched in years. However, there is one little electric "toy" that still gets played with around here. In fact, I refereed a fight between an almost 15 year old and a 9 yr old this past Sunday over this toy...this ANNOYING, time consuming, beeping toy...the Tamagotchi.

My kids found some old Tamagotchis and replaced the batteries over Christmas break. I listen to endless jabber over how old they are and how much they weigh. I listen to Sydney give advice to Jake about what to feed his so it won't be obese. But mostly...what I hear...are BEEPS! When they need to eat, they beep. When they are sad, they beep. When they poop, they beep. When they are sick, they beep. Even when they die...THEY BEEP. I'm learning to tune it out, because unfortunately they are not getting bored with them. In fact, they are learning ways to keep them alive longer. They "pause" them because they use to die while they were at school. I use to wish they would die, but the problem is...when they die...all you have to do is push the "reset" button and out pops an egg...and a brand new chance to create a better Tamagotchi. No matter how many times you screw up...whether yours is fat or mean or eventually dies...you always have another chance as long as you have a battery.After I took kids to school this morning, I was walking through my living room in Pjs, an Under Armour jacket, and Uggs (I know...not a sexy visual). I was thinking about the things I want to change...things that I'm not happy with. I've been on autopilot for quite a while. I lost weight...I had a system...and I didn't really THINK much about what I did...I just did it. I've felt a bit lost which sounds dumb because this is what I do...but when it comes to yourself, it's different. As I got closer to my bedroom, I heard one of those stinkin Tamagotchis beep...not the hungry beep...the death beep...and I figured out EXACTLY what I need to do.

We all get stuck from time to time. We go through the motions and end up in a rut. We make mistakes and get off track. Sometimes we veer so far off track that we end up on a path we didn't intend to go down. It's natural to give up or make excuses. It's easy to sit around and wish we had done differently...or blame other people...or wish for an imaginary "reset" button for our lives. But here's the thing...it's NOT imaginary. We all have a reset button and just like that Tamagotchi...we can start over too. The Tamagotchi does not start over as a perfect "grown up". It goes back to the start as an egg and if you want a different outcome, you have to make different choices and press different buttons. You have to pay closer attention...even when it's inconvenient. It is the same with us.

I'm pushing the "reset" button. I need to start fresh. I don't need to tweak or try and find ways around what I know I need to do and I need to do it now...today. I dug through the mess of Victoria's Secret catalogs and pictures and magazines on my desk until I found it...my "pink book". It's the book that my friend Wes made for me as a gift when he moved away. It has 5 full months of workouts...6 days a week. It's been read and carried around and had drinks spilled on it and has notes written on it. I followed it religiously for a long time and then slowly I started doing things differently. I became a trainer myself and became more confident in my own ability to program for myself. I did really well for a long time, but I started to slip somewhere in the past year. I skipped workouts and made excuses. I was cocky and thought that I had it made. I remembered when I was training with Wes and I would get silly or lazy or "too big for my britches". He would always eventually "humble me". All it took was ONE HELLACIOUS HOUR and I would straighten out. He use to tell me that we needed to get back to the basics...back to old school, hard work...back to what works...nothing fancy. I could almost hear his voice saying that as I picked up that book, and so that is what I'm doing.Today, I'm starting over. I'm drinking more water and less Diet Root Beer. I'm eating less of the bad stuff and more of the good stuff. I'm holding myself accountable like I use to and I am going to do the workouts in that book...everyday...in order....whether I like them or not. There will be NO question as to what I will do each day...no guessing...no cherry picking workouts. I will treat my training like I use to...like a job that I can't call in and take a day off of. The "reset" button is pushed and I can't wait to see what happens!
~Marsha

...LiStEn uP!...

I'm not a middle of the road kinda gal. I take my time...worry...before I make a decision...but once I decide to do something...I grab the bull by the horns...all or nothing...full throttle. When I was fat...I ate to excess...I never worked out. Now...I tend to workout in excess. My addiction didn't go away...sometimes I think it morphed into something else.

I've learned to embrace pain. I know that pushing myself will making me stronger...in more ways than just physically...and so I push myself...hard...every day. I never slow down. Many times, I don't take the time I need to recover from the stress I put my body through daily. The part of me that is scared of gaining weight and going back to where I was when I was overweight and unhealthy, convinces the smart part of me that rest is for wimps. I know that rest (in the right amount) is for smart people that don't want to injure and over train their bodies, but it's still hard for me.I was feeling strong...but then I felt worn out...weak...and broken. Finally last week, my body got tired of me not listening and it quit on me. I tried to workout, but my body just wouldn't allow it. I felt really upset...betrayed...but I then it was brought to my attention that maybe I was the one betraying my body. Even though I'm not a gifted, natural athlete...I want to train like an athlete...but then I deprive my body of the rest and good foods and sleep my body needs to perform like an athlete. I don't listen to my body.When my body got tired and MADE me listen last week, I was upset. I had a little meltdown, wrote about it, and then made a smart decision. I decided to rest. I got much more sleep than normal over the weekend and I did not workout...AT ALL...for 3 days. What a difference 3 days made! This morning I hit the gym early for work sets of back squats, bench presses, and power cleans and it was hard...and painful at times...but I felt great because I FINALLY gave my body the time to recover that it has been screaming for.I hate that I had to go through what I did last week, but I guess I needed a wake up call. I needed to be reminded to take the time and listen to my body before it shuts down and I needed to recommit to taking better care of my body not just in the gym but in other ways as well.

~Marsha

...bEtRaYaL...

Everyone has felt the sting of betrayal...that miserable gnawing pain that makes you feel regret...and makes you wish you had chosen a better path or different people to be in your life. Some of us have experienced this more than others and some to worse degrees, but every adult at some point suffers betrayal...in some way. I feel like I've had more than my fair share lately and honestly, I'd really like a break. I'd like a break from thinking about and reliving the hurt. I'd like a break from the pain I feel in my body and in my heart. I'd like an end to the frustration and the feeling of powerlessness.

It is not a person that inspired me to share these feelings. It's the feeling I had today as I cried in the bathroom at the gym. It's the anger that accompanies the pain and the fear that it will never be better. It's me...my body...and my inability to make my body cooperate with my mind.

I'm not an athletically talented person. Nothing I've ever done in the gym comes easy...never has...probably never will...and that's okay. Some people are fast. Some people have great endurance. Some people are unusually strong or flexible or coordinated. I am none of those things, but I am stubborn and I work hard. I was taught to keep trying when I fail. My friend Wes taught me that...and I have missed him like crazy lately. I've missed his encouragement. I've missed his ability to help me change course when my day in the gym isn't going as planned. I miss how he would humble me when I was strong and cocky and how he would lift me up when I was broken or fragile. I miss him on days like today when I feel betrayed by my own body.

I learned years ago how powerful the mind is. I learned to make my body keep going when it was begging me to stop. I've learned to withstand pain and continue even when it seemed that reaching my goal was impossible. I am almost always able to conquer my body with my mind...but every now and then...my body wins...and I am left feeling betrayed and cheated.

I've had health problems over the past few months and as a consequence of medication and the inability to always do what I want physically, I've gained almost 10 pounds. Everyone around me says I look the same and reassures me, but I can tell the difference and it has been tearing me up inside. I try to be positive and only those people closest to me, know just how really bad I have felt and how discouraged I have been. The intense fear of going back to where I once was...the paranoia that I will wake up 200 lbs again is torturous. So, I've resorted to doing what I do best...killing myself in the gym. It's been hard, but even on the toughest days...I seem to get through. I push and I push and even if it's not as much weight or as fast as I'd like...I'm able to physically get through whatever I plan for myself.

I am many things, but one thing I'm not...is a quitter. Sometimes, I'm a "pauser". Sometimes I think about quitting...but in the end, I DON'T QUIT. Today I quit. My body refused to keep going when I told it to. With every painful repetition, I told myself I could finish...until finally my body just stopped. It quit listening and the pain became too much to bear. I found myself sitting on the floor of the bathroom, holding my belly, cramped up, and crying. I felt so disappointed. I felt cheated. I felt like I had been abandoned. I felt deceived. It felt like the betrayal of a friend that I have suffered lately. I hated it...but there is a difference. I can't make another person do right. I can't force an apology or go back in time. There's not a thing I can do to make that betrayal go away. What I can do, is wipe away my tears and pick my head up and know that even though I was not able to finish what I started today....even though my body betrayed me today...tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will march my stubborn butt right back in that gym and do it again...and tomorrow, my body won't let me down.

~Marsha

...tiS tHe sEaSoN tO bE LaZy...

Oh the holidays...it seems we spend all our time eating...buying...and partying. We make time for all these seemingly important things...but the things that REALLY matter...namely our health...gets put on the back burner. I use to never have a problem working out during the holidays. For years, I've had a personal trainer and I didn't have to think about it. I had an appointment...a set time and I showed up. Now..that I myself am a trainer and workout mostly alone, it's much more difficult. The past couple of weeks, I've gone through some serious friend drama, had some health issues, and I've struggled to get ready for Christmas but still take care of myself. I'm ashamed to say that today, Christmas is winning! The funny part is that I'm not even in the Christmas spirit. I've been a bit of a Scrooge all season. My formal tree is...has been up and fluffed for weeks but sits in the entry way...lightless...and ornamentless. It's the 14th and I'm not even 1/3 of my way through my shopping. Yet, I keep feeling like the holidays are keeping me from training and eating the way I want.

Today my entire day is full. I'm headed out to shop w my Mom ALL day in hopes of getting closer to being "done" and then I have my daughter's first band concert tonight. I shoulda already worked out...but I didn't schedule the time and now...once again...I'm regretful!

I am always getting appointments mixed up or showing up late or on the wrong day...it's all part of my "blonde-NESS". I remember I once called my husband to lament this when I missed an appointment and hadn't worked out and his response was..."Hey....guess what?...There's this really cool thing called a calendar! You should get one!" Poo! No sympathy there. Sometimes, I'm left with open time...and I have a million things to do, yet I feel lost. It sounds like a snide comment that my husband made, but really...it's true. He's very different than me. Together. On top of things. He brings things back down to earth when my head is floating in the clouds making excuses.

We all get upset at Christmas time and say we don't have time to work out. We behave as though it is out of our control and ACCEPT weight gain and losses in the gym. We rationalize and think up a million excuses when the solution is simple...a calendar. Get a calendar and make an appointment...everyday...with yourself in the gym. Keep the appointment just as you would a doctor's appointment or going to work. Make it a priority.Today was a fail in that department, so I guess I'll just "power walk" my way through Christmas shopping in heels and make the best choice I can when me and my Mom stop for lunch. I don't know quite how I'll do it, but I do know ONE THING...tomorrow...and every day after...I have to do better...and I will.

~Marsha